


Matchmaking Wars: Stage 1

by eSinister Vortex (FanFicDotNetTransfers)



Series: Matchmaking Wars [1]
Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms, Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Machinima, Red vs. Blue-esque
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-01
Updated: 2011-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 78,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25832158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicDotNetTransfers/pseuds/eSinister%20Vortex
Summary: The Halothrii Wilderness, a land of extensive resources, is being fought over by three different armies. Yet despite the chaos, nothing is what it seems, for dark forces are swiftly bringing their own plans to fruition...
Series: Matchmaking Wars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874341
Kudos: 1





	1. THE PILE

**Author's Note:**

> Original story at https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7042457/1/Matchmaking-Wars-Stage-1

The events leading to the great change that shook the foundation of the universe began on a hill in a field in the center of a rugged canyon. Upon it sat a pile of very peculiar glowing objects. These orange luminescent boxes, about a meter high, were called fusion coils. They would explode when dropped from a significant height, exposed to fire, or when shot. They also had personalities and were quite social with each other on a regular basis, though under normal circumstances only other fusion coils were capable of hearing them when they spoke.

Another fusion coil appeared out of thin air and landed on the pile with a small thunk. One of the fusion coils spoke: "Oh, hey! Guys, we got another newcomer!"

"Yo, 'sup, homie?" a second fusion coil chimed in.

The newcomer replied: "I'm good. What've y'all been up to?"

"Just sitting here, looking glowey," someone in the pile reported. "What else would we be up to?"

"I'm glowier then you are!" the first fusion coil yelled at the Newcomer.

"Not now!" the second protested to the first. "Be nice to the newcomer!"

"Okay, fine!" The first fusion coil again addressed the newcomer: "Dude, how's it goin'?"

The newcomer responded: "Like I said, I'm good."

"May I be the first to say: Welcome to The Pile, my friend!" The second coil exclaimed enthusiastically. "Everyone here will treat you nicely…right, guys?"

Several voices sounded from The Pile in near unison: "Yup. Oh, yeah!"

"But what about that coil over there?" the newcomer inquired.

"Hm?" the second coil responded, and then noticed what the newcomer was talking about, a lonely fusion coil sitting far away from The Pile. "Oh, that's Vincent. He rolled away from The Pile yesterday."

"Stupid gravity!" another coil chimed in.

"Yeah, stupid gravity!" yelled Vincent from where he was lying.

That was when another fusion coil appeared out of thin air and dropped onto the pile. "Whoa, another newcomer!" the first fusion coil cried out.

"Hey, guys!" the newest fusion coil said slowly and casually in her sweet feminine voice.

"Oh, baby!" the second coil called out loudly. "What is _up_!"

"I'm fine!" the lady fusion coil responded gently.

"Dude," the second coil whispered to a third. "Look at that body!"

"I know!" the third coil said quietly. "See how she glows?" he started to daydream. " _Ooooh_ , if only I'd spawned right on top of that chick!"

"Dude, shut up!" the first coil muttered with an annoyed tone. "Everyone can hear you!"

"Oooh, those screws! They're sooo hot!" the third coil continued while daydreaming.

"Screws?" the lady coil responded. "Those are my balls. Hahaha, you silly coil!"

Everything stopped. "What?" Everyone else cried in unison.

"I said, those are my balls!" the ex-lady coil elaborated. "I'm a guy!"

Everyone sat stunned in silence for a few seconds.

"Well, this is awkward," commented the first coil after a few moments.

The awkward moment was further shattered when an explosion was heard in the distance.

"What happened? What was that?" inquired the second coil with surprise in his tone.

"I think that other pile off in the distance just exploded!" replied the third coil excitedly.

"No, all those poor innocent people!" the ex-lady coil sobbed. Another explosion sounded ominously in the distance. The ex-lady coil cried again: "Oh, how horrible!"

"The piles are being exterminated!" the first coil screamed in fear. "Oh, sweet glowey fusion coil God, we're all going to die. Aaaaaaaaggggh!"

"Guys, it's been nice lying with you!" the third coil sobbed.

"You too, man!" replied the second coil.

"No, it can't end like this! I'm only three minutes old!" screamed the newcomer. "I'm too young to die!"

And so their young lives ended. The pile of innocent fusion coils exploded with everyone screaming, until about half a second later when all were silenced by the explosive fury of death.

* * *

Some tens of meters away, atop the entrance structure to his base, Lieutenant Christopher Skope, a soldier and sniper for the Green Army, stood watching the explosion with entertained focus through the scope of his designated marksman rifle. His base commander stood behind him, observing his every move. Skope's armor was flashy green with purple as its secondary color, signifying his specialty as sniper, and the armor of The Commander was completely green, as was customary for soldiers of his position.

For the last fifteen minutes, he had been sniping the many piles of fusion coils that appeared in the canyon. They had been simply appearing out of thin air for the last few days, and no one knew why. But they made for excellent (and exceedingly satisfying) target practice, and the Commander had ordered him to use them as such for a few minutes every day until they stopped appearing. Skope had just taken out the biggest pile of them yet, blowing it apart with a single 7.62 millimeter round. But there was still one final fusion coil, lying off to the side. He aimed for it, steadied himself, and was just about to pull the trigger when an armored hand slapped down on his shoulder and made him jump, throwing his aim off completely.

"Very good, excellent aim!" The Commander said with a clearly impressed tone. "You need to know these things, Christopher. Detonating fusion coils with your marksman rifle is an important skill. You never know when an enemy may walk beside a pile of them, giving you the chance to take them out easily."

Skope turned to face The Commander. "How many times have I told you," He growled, glaring at his commanding officer through his visor, "N _ever use my first name!"_

Seemingly unaware, or just not caring, about Skope's annoyance, the Commander continued: "It is also important to constantly be aware of your duty to the Green Army-"

Skope grunted: "Are we really going over this _again?_ "

Choosing to extend his neglect of his lieutenant's annoyance, the Commander continued: "I still remember when this war began, and there were dozens of different factions fighting brutally for control over this planet, the magnificent X-B-0-X-L-1-V. And now only three factions remain, yet still the fighting has not even begun to end. Remember, though the entire planet is sought after, most of the fighting is centered here on this section of the main continent, called the Halothrii Wilderness, because of its large abundance of natural resources and significant tactical value. Everyone has fought over it, yet no one controls it, and everyone desperately wants to."

"I know!" Skope almost shouted. "I've managed to make it through _two_ years of this war!"

The Commander again ignored him, drawing breath to continue.

Skope looked at him in frustration. "And now, of course, you're going to brief me on the three remaining factions, aren't you?" he said, more to himself than the Commander.

"Your memory serves you correctly," the Commander complemented, continuing onward as if nothing had happened. "Yes, only three factions survive to this day, from the many that started this war. Our most worthy adversaries are the Yellow Army, who rely almost entirely on brute force. They rarely seem to plan ahead; though, they don't appear to need to, as their on-the-fly tactics are somehow enough to survive the day, and often enough to actually win battles."

"Believe me, I know that." Skope muttered. "I've been on the losing side of a battle before. More than once."

"As have I. And then-"

And then there's the Blues," Skope finished, while barely managing to stifle a chuckle.

The Commander almost laughed himself, ignoring Skope's interruption. "Ah, yes, the Blue Army; numerous, and yet, completely useless. All they've ever really accomplished throughout the entire war is to die in the most hilarious ways possible, in amusing numbers, and the only reason they're worth even thinking about is because their numbers do not seem to have an end. They outnumber us and the Yellows combined almost a hundred to one, and yet they are no better for it."

"And the third faction, of course, is us."

The Commander cleared his throat in pride and then elaborated. "Yes! We, the brilliant Green Army! We are the smartest of all three armies, for we always, or at least more often than not, take the time to plan ahead whenever we make a move. Our strategizing has served us well throughout the entire war, and will until the very end, where glorious victory awaits!"

"Nice finish," Skope congratulated. "I don't think I've heard you end the speech like that before."

"Ah, you like it?" the Commander asked. "Yeah, I spent last evening thinking that up. But wait, there is one more thing to talk about: our armor."

Again, Skope groaned. "I _really_ don't need to hear this again. I'm _wearing_ a suit of the stuff right now. I think I know enough about it. I'll even prove it to you." He took a deep breath before giving his best explanation: "A main battle tool employed by all three armies is SPARTAN powered combat armor. This titanium-alloy layered armor employs an electromagnetically contained energy shield around the wearer that can withstand several gun rounds and will recharge to full strength within only a few seconds should the wearer take a hit. It also increases their strength, speed, and has multiple electronic systems to aid the soldier wearing the armor."

The Commander clapped proudly. "That was wonderful! Almost word for word."

"It _was_ word for word. You've given me that exact same speech five times. In the last month. Now, can we just get this done already?"

The Commander scanned the canyon for some seconds and then pointed to a location far away, at the canyons opposite end. A rather large pyramid shaped mass of coils lay next to what appeared to be an old structure. "Over there, lieutenant! Now, snipe that pile!"

Skope shifted his aim from the lone fusion coil to the much larger pile of them in the distance. "I'll just get this over with. After this pile, I'm done!" He pulled the trigger.

* * *

On the other side of the canyon, a yellow-armored soldier sat in the bunker on top of the structure leading into the Yellow Army base of this sector. Her name was Amber Stone, she was a Private First Class, and as she was this Yellow Team's sniper, her yellow armor had purple markings. She was quite bored, and was thinking about getting a book from her quarters to help her pass the time while waited through her shift of scouting for enemies. She knew that right now she should be vigilant, but it had been three whole weeks, and she had encountered nothing but a small recon force from the laughably nonthreatening Blue Army, which she had taken out without even breaking a sweat. She got up to head into the base, trying to decide between romance and sci-fi for her reading choice. As she neared the entrance, there was a loud explosion. The blast sounded from right under her, and made the floor below her tremble. Small chunks of rock from the walls skittered around. "What the hell was that?" she cried, all thoughts of reading forgotten.

Private Ryan Hobar, the heavy weapons specialist for this Yellow Base, as signified by his red shoulder pads, ran over from his post on the other side of the building's roof, MA-series assault rifle clutched in his grip. He was supposed to be scouting as well, but like her he had become bored. Any break from the monotony was welcome. "What was that sound?" he asked. "It sounded like something exploded right next to this structure!"

Amber looked over the edge of the building to see where the explosion came from. There wasn't anything on the side of the building, except for a couple shards of metal and a large scorch mark on the wall. "Take a look at this!" she called out to him. "It looks like the pile of fusion coils that was here a few seconds ago just exploded!"

"Which means," Ryan postulated, "that someone must have shot one of them!" Amber, did you-"

"No." responded Amber. "Which means the shot must have come from somewhere around her. And someone had to be there to pull the trigger..." She grabbed her SRS99 sniper rifle from its resting place and raised it to her eyes, looking in the direction where the shot would have had to come from. Her sight led her to another structure far in the distance, way at the other end of the canyon. She looked at it through her scope, and saw…people. In green armor.

"Greens!" she hissed, then turned to Ryan and pointed in the direction of the other structure. "There're two of them on that structure!"

Ryan took the scope from her and looked down its sights in the direction she was pointing. A moment later, Ryan spotted the figures Amber had seen, and shouted: "Greens! We finally found Greens here!"

Amber twisted a dial on her helmet while informing Ryan: "I'm calling the boss!" she waited a few seconds, and then heard the bases commander, Alexander MacArthur Patton, pick up on the other end. "Commander, we've spotted Greens about a third of a click south of here!" she reported. "They haven't spotted us yet. I'm awaiting orders."

The commander's voice was deep and powerful, almost intimidating: "Greens, you say…this is excellent…" Amber could almost hear Patton thinking. A few seconds later she responded: "Take them out, before they discover you, and keep me posted."

Amber smiled under her helmet, and aimed her sniper rifle at the head of the Green in the commander's uniform. "Wilco, boss. I'll let you know when they've been taken care of…"


	2. SNIPERBUTT

The Green Base commander was just about to lecture Skope on the value of foresight before entering combat when his head exploded without warning.

Skope heard a sound behind him, not knowing it was a 14.5mm armor piercing, fin stabilized discarding sabot round removing his CO's brains, and turned in the direction of The Commander. "Commander, did you just sneeze or something-OH!" The Commander was lying face up on the floor, except that his head was splattered on the ground behind him. Someone had sniped The Commander! Hurriedly, Skope looked through the scope of his marksman rifle in the direction where the shot must have come from, and in the distance was just able to make out two yellow colored figures. "Oh, great!" he muttered nervously to himself. "Yellows!" Three bullets whizzed by his head, gouging large chunks in the walls and floor. Skope turned to flee, hoping to retrieve his own sniper rifle and return fire.

Back on the roof of the Yellow base entrance, Amber finally got a lock on Skope. "I've got you now!" she muttered under her breath in anticipation, finger twitching on the trigger.. "Really?" Ryan's annoying banter piped up beside her. "You've taken four shots already, and you only hit with one of them! Let me see that thing!" Ryan reached out and grabbed the Rifle just as Amber fired a shot from it. The shot apparently went wide.

Amber pulled back on the rifle, glaring at her teammate. "Ryan, what the hell? I had him!" She managed to wrestle back the rifle from Ryan's grip, and then looked through the scope to see if her most recent shot had managed to kill the opposing sniper. After a moment she informed, to her great surprise: "I got him!"

"They're both dead?" Ryan asked.

"Well, their sniper isn't, but I clearly hit him!"

"What does that mean?"

Amber handed Ryan her rifle, mirth in her voice. "Take a look."

Ryan peered through the rifle scope. "Why is he limping? I don't see a wound on either of his legs or in his torso. Where did you hit him?" That was when he put the pieces together. "Oh my God, you put a cap up his ass, didn't you?"

Amber nodded, smothering a laugh.

Ryan snorted, almost dropping the Rifle in the process. "Should I finish him?"

Amber shook her head. "No. He won't be sniping back with his…condition, and even if he does tell the rest of his base that we attacked, the absence of their Commander will let them know that something is wrong anyways. And besides, I want this soldier to have something to remember me by." She turned to the walkway leading off of the roof. " Besides, we got the Commander. He was the High Value Target. Now c'mon, let's go back to base and tell the boss, in person, that we killed a Green Commander and put a cap up the ass of a sniper. Or rather, that I did. I should think he'll be impressed."

Ryan picked up the gear he had brought with him. "Fine, I was getting bored up here anyways. Maybe Patton'll take us off scout duty for this. Let's go."

* * *

Skope limped down the walkway leading to the elevator that would take him into Green Base, cursing in pain every few seconds. He had never felt this much pain in his lower back before. He needed to find help. He finally reached the elevator and entered the proper code into its control panel. A few seconds later, the elevator door slid pleasantly open, and Skope unpleasantly crawled inside. He felt almost weightless for a small moment, but then groaned in pain when the elevator slowed down and he was pressed against the floor.

The door slid open, and Skope looked up to find that the hyperactive weapons specialist for Green Base, Private Kenny Ynnek, was in the entrance hallway staring down at him. "Dude, what happened to you?" Kenny asked apprehensively. His armor was dark green with red undertones, and glinted in the ceiling lights of the hallway.

"The Yellows attacked us. The Commander was killed. And they sniped me… in the butt."

Kenny took a breath. Okay, I actually thought it might be a bad situation, haha- wait, repeat what you just said again?"

"I said: The Commander is dead, and the same sniper who did it put a cap in my ass!"

"Whoa, that sounds pretty bad! What should I do-"

"Radio Green Command for help! Now!"

Kenny hurried over to the radio and input the key code to Green Command.

"Hello" a stylish voice said. "This is Green Command."

Skope got to the point immediately: "Our Commander is dead, and I'm wounded. We need help-"

"This is a voice recording," the voice on the other end said pleasantly as though it was the greatest thing he had ever said in his life. "Please wait while we connect you with someone of service, and thank you for calling the Green Army Command!"

Skope let out a growl of pain and impatience as fancy music started playing.

Seven minutes and three songs later, someone finally answered on the other end. "Hello, this is Green Command. How may I be of service?"

"FINALLY!" Skope almost screamed. "I've been hurt bad! We were attacked by the Yellows! Our commanding officer was killed! We need medical assistance!"

"Okay, and which base is this?" the officer asked.

"The one south most in the Halothrii Wilderness. Sector 18-Alpha"

"And…who are you?"

"Lieutenant Christopher Skope."

"All right," the officer replied slowly. Skope could hear the click-clack of typing sounds in the background. "And how are you hurt?"

"Excuse me?" Skope asked with confusion in his tone.

"I said: how are you hurt?" the officer responded.

"Why does that matter?" Skope angrily shouted into the radio's transceiver. "I need help, so just send someone!"

"Well, we need to know so that whomever we send has all the details before they arrive," lectured the officer smugly. "It's our policy."

"Fine!" Skope grunted. "I was sniped in the butt."

"I beg your pardon?" the officer inquired as though he wasn't sure he hadn't heard Skope correctly.

Skope took a deep breath to keep himself from losing it over the annoyance. "I said: I was sniped in the butt."

"In the _butt_?"

"YES, in the butt! You know, that place at the bottom of your back! That place!"

"I'm just trying to get all the facts straight here." the officer said while sounding like he was holding back a laugh. "May I ask how?"

"Why do you need to know? Just send help!"

Skope heard typing sounds from the other end. "Alrighty, then!" he heard the officer say while more typing sounds vibrated through the transceiver. "I'm sending a medic from the base just northeast of yours, up in Sector 17-Gamma. He'll be just…. Perfect for your situation."

"Good!" Skope cried. "Finally, some cooperation!"

"Yes, he'll be just _excellent_ for your…condition!" the officer elaborated. "Have fun, Sniperbutt!" He hung up.

Skope switched off the radio. "Great, now I have a nickname at command. Fuck!"


	3. THE MEDIC

The inner structure of the Yellow Base in Sector 18-Alpha was made up of many tunnel networks that stretched for almost a kilometer in all directions and straight down. One of them led to a warehouse room with one transparent wall that looked out onto a spectacular vista of much of the Wilderness. Alexander MacArthur Patton, the Commander of this Yellow Base, stared out thoughtfully at the land, contemplating plans for domination as well as what to have for lunch. His golden armor reflected sunlight all over the warehouse. He held a shotgun in his left hand, and was petting it with his right. Scratched onto the side of the weapon's stock was a name; Lucy. On the sill before him was the rag he had just used to clean the weapon. He could distantly hear the sounds of Captain Clair Sinclair, who was the base's cook, medic and mechanic, working on something in the background. Hearing new sounds from directly behind him, he turned around and discovered that Ryan and Amber were approaching him from the doorway.

"From what you told me over the COM, I understand that you were victorious, yes?" he asked the two of them, still holding his shotgun.

"That's affirmative, sir," Amber responded. "Maximum damage, minimum casualties. I killed their commander and wounded their sniper."

"Well, I helped!" Ryan interjected.

"Marvelous!" Patton commented slowly yet pleasantly.

Amber continued: "I spotted them through my rifle's scope. I took out their commander, but then Ryan bumped my rifle on the next shot, and I kinda…missed."

Patton crossed his arms. "You missed? As of when do _you_ ever miss? You're the best sniper in the whole damn army!"

"Well..." strained Amber "It wasn't a kill shot, but I did put a cap in the enemy sniper's ass."

"Ah," remarked Patton. "You did hit after all, just not where you intended to. Good work. WIA is as good as KIA in my book."

Amber nodded.

"Well, then" Patton continued. "That just leaves one question: Where is the Green's Base located? I need to add it to my list of Destroyables." He gestured towards a large list tacked to the wall, which was covered with small, precise handwriting.

"I think I said it over the COM." Replied Amber. "About a third click south of our own base entrance in the canyon."

"So then, why'd you not notice the Greens before?" Patton asked snidely. "I mean, it's been almost three weeks, and if their base is so close, why'd it take you this long to notice it?"

"We never saw any soldiers on it until now," said Amber. "Command through it was deserted, and you had us focus our sight on the eastern hills of the canyon, where those two Blue bases are. We hardly ever looked at the Green structure until now, and that was probably just because of that explosion…"

"What explosion?" Patton asked.

"There was an explosion right before we spotted them. It was that pile of fusion coils on the base wall. They must have been using them for target practice. Anyways, that's how we spotted them, by following where the shot had to have come from."

Patton stoked the bottom of his visor with his right hand while mumbling: "I see…" After a few seconds he bellowed: "But the Greens are out of commission for now, yes?"

"Oh, yeah, baby!" Ryan almost chirped. "We got their commander, and their sniper won't be forgetting us anytime soon!"

"Excellent." Patton said, but then paused. "Wait, what did you call me?" Ryan shrugged. Patton turned to face both of them again. "Fine. As I was about to say: Now that the Greens have been dealt with for the time being, we can turn our attention to other business. Just a few days ago, Command picked up some new chatter from the eastern part of the canyon; it would seem the Blues have expanded from the cliff and have established a base down in the canyon, no more than a quarter click north of us. They don't like it, and I _really_ don't like it. We need to take care of them."

"Do they have any idea how close they are to us?" Ryan asked.

"None whatsoever. Of course." Responded Patton, "Which is why we need to take them out now, while we still have the element of surprise." Patton moved to the door that lead deeper into the base and rapped on it. Seconds later, Clair appeared, drawn from her work. "While you too were giving introductions to the Greens, Clair was gathering intel on the Blue Base. Clair, tell them what we're up against!"

"Yes, sir." Clair nodded, and pressed something on the tacpad on her wrist; a hologram burst to life, showing the Blue's forces. "The Blues aren't messing around this time. They have all manner of vehicles, from ultra-light all terrain vehicles to tanks. Not only that, but they've managed to amass a small infantry army as well," She said coolly, indicating the appropriate representations before her as spoke.

"Wow!" exclaimed Ryan. "And what are they planning to do with all that manpower?"

"Far as I can tell, they're just standing around," answered Clair.

"Just…doing nothing?" Amber inquired.

"They don't see us, and so they're assuming we don't exist."

"Typical Blues," Patton muttered under his breath. "Though it probably helps one of our special ops groups jammed their communications."

"When do we take them out?" Amber asked.

Patton paused, checking the small clock in his HUD, and then bellowed: "Now would be a good a time as any! Pack your gear and be ready in five." He brought his shotgun up to bear. "Then Lucy'll show you how it's done!" he said loudly as he cocked it. "Now let's go hunt some Blues!"

* * *

Skope and Kenny stood outside of the Green Base entrance waiting for the arrival of the medic. Kenny was whistling while Skope sat on the ramp leading up to the elevator and clutched at his midsection. "My butt hurts really bad, I feel _incredibly_ constipated," he said slowly.

"Dude, what a nice way to start a conversation!" chimed Kenny sarcastically.

Skope groaned. "I shouldn't have had those tacos for breakfast!"

Kenny pointed up into the sky. "Dude, look!"

Skope looked where he was pointing. "Huh?" A shape in the sky was coming towards the base.

Kenny got up while still observing the shape. "It's a plane! No, it's a bird! No, it's a plane after all! Ugh, I can't decide what it is!"

"It's the medic's transport craft. It has to be!" shouted Skope. "I hope this guy is not as much of a jerk as that guy in command."

As the shape drew closer, they could see that it was indeed a transport craft. The military name of the vehicle was the UH-144, but it was better known as a Falcon. This double-rotor and heavily armed vertical take-off and landing (VTOL) craft was the fastest and most adaptable type of transport aircraft currently deployed to the field, and it was commonly used by all armies to get quickly from place to place and provide fire support, if necessary. The Falcon landed in front of them, and a green armor clad soldier jumped out heaving what appeared to be his luggage over his back. Skope noted the blue secondary color of the soldier's armor, which signified that he was a medic. The soldier turned to the Falcon pilot and muttered in a peculiarly low voice: "I greatly appreciated the ride. I hope to join you back at the outpost soon." The pilot nodded, and then the Falcon lifted off back into the sky with a roar of jet wash.

The soldier approached Kenny and Skope. They stared at each other dumbly for a few seconds, and then the soldier spoke: "Greetings, I am Medic First Class-" He then gave the longest sneeze Skope had ever heard.

"Dude, that was some sneeze!" Kenny remarked.

"What is your name again?" Skope asked.

The soldier took a breath, preparing to address himself, but then sneezed again.

"Maybe I could just read it off you name tag," Skope suggested.

"Ah, of course, I forgot to put on my tag," the soldier muttered. He reached into the luggage he had brought with him, pulled out a long length of something, and then spread it all the way across the chest plate of his armor. Skope stepped closer to get a better look:

MEDIC C1 – NOME ACHENTAUGHTENSHELOEM LONDONTOKYOPARIS

Skope struggled to figure out what to say next to address the soldier. The next sentence he came up with was: "So, your name is…"

"Nome," answered the soldier. "Nome Achentaughtensheloem Londontokyoparis."

Skope realized that Nome's last name must have been what he and Kenny had mistaken for a sneeze. "I…beg your pardon?" was all he could think of as a reply.

"Your pardon is much obliged," Replied Nome.

Skope and Kenny stared at Nome for several moments. Finally, Nome broke the confused silence: "So then," he asked in his strangely low voice, "How may I be of service?"

Skope decided to get straight to the heart of the matter, and stop focusing on the medic's absurdly long last name. He had waited long enough through Nome's introduction, and could do so no longer. He exclaimed: "I need your help bad. I have a bullet up my ass, and I had tacos for breakfast and now I'm really constipated and it really hurts!"

Nome replied: "Slow down. Tell me what happened again, but with a reduced rate of speech per second."

"Aaaaggghh!" said Skope, exasperated. "I got sniped in the butt and it really hurts! Just do something!"

Nome took a breath. "Allow me to understand the facts. Someone shot you in the butt with a sniper rifle."

"Yes!" Skope yelled.

"And you had tacos for breakfast, and the bullet is preventing them from coming out the other end." Nome continued.

" _Yes!_ " Skope screamed.

"And it hurts."

"Aaaaagahaha, YES!"

Nome contemplated: "Mmmmmmmmmm, hmmm. I see…"

They stared at each other for some more moments. Skope eventually said: "Okay, then _do_ something!"

Nome moved toward the base entrance structure. "We must go inside," he said while walking up the ramp leading to the elevator.

"Okay, and do what?" asked Skope.

Nome paused for a moment and turned to face Skope. "We must relocate within your base so that I may observe your…wound…in an enclosed environment."

* * *

Nome decided to use the base's old storage room to work on Skope because he said it was peacefully quiet there. Kenny decided to watch through a window in the adjoining room, which was the mess hall. Nome set up some flat-surfaced supply crates so they could be used as a table. He told Skope to change out of his armor, and then had him lie face down on the table. Skope heard Nome snap rubber gloves on. Why Nome would need rubber gloves over the titanium ones of his battle armor Skope did not know, but he decided not to ask.

"Mmmm, yes, I see…" he heard Nome mumble.

"What do you see?" Skope asked.

"Mmmmm," Nome replied in concentration. "Your wound is far more sinister and terrible then any of us anticipated, I'm afraid."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" asked Skope nervously.

Skope waited a few moments that seemed like hours for Nome to finally answer: "It means that there is no simple solution to our situation. Your wound is quite fiendish. It has left us with only a single option, only one way to stop its tyranny over your abdomen." Nome took a deep breath while Skope yet again waited in anticipation. "It is the absolute last resort for any medical situation…" Nome mumbled to himself.

"Well, what is it? Say it already!" shouted Skope.

"The one last thing I can do to end this madness!" Nome shouted.

" _Yes?"_

"Oh Skope, I am so sorry that it has come to this," Nome said softly. "I will tell you, but brace yourself."

"What the _fuck_ are you talking about?"

"Do tell, any time!" he heard Kenny call out to Nome from behind the glass window.

"An enema!" Nome shouted. Skope heard Nome snap a second pair of rubber gloves on over his first.


	4. THE ENEMA

Patton, Amber, Ryan, and Clair stared down at the Blue encampment far below them from atop the edge of a sunken cliff. The Blue base swarmed with activity. Patton counted at least four Warthog light reconnaissance vehicles with gun turrets in back, ten Mongoose ultra-light all terrain vehicles, a single massive Scorpion tank, and a Falcon swooping around overhead.

"The Blues are really getting it on for this one," said Amber while staring though her rifle scope. "They've got countless heavy vehicles!"

"Oh, yeah!" remarked Patton excitedly. "There's more heavy equipment down there than a construction workers convention. Wrecking this place is gonna be fun!"

Ryan pulled an M41 rocket launcher from his back. "So what now, boss? Do we let 'em have it?"

Patton reached out and grabbed Ryan's shoulder, forcing him down. "Not quite yet, hotshot. I want to see exactly what the hell they're planning to do with all those vehicles."

"Attack whoever they find?" suggested Amber. "What else would they do?"

A second Scorpion Tank wheeled around the Blue's base entrance. "Sir!" Amber pointed. "They have another heavy vehicle. I think it's a tank."

"Wow, so that's what that 66-ton vehicle with the 90-mm tungsten cannon is," Patton remarked sarcastically. "I would never have guessed."

Amber sighed. "Sir, what I mean is that we're seriously outgunned. I brought along the only sniper rifle, and there isn't enough ammunition for all of the blues."

Patton laughed. "Amber, I understand that you're technically our sniper, but do you really have to be so reliant on long range weapons all the time?" he reached down to the gun holder on his right leg, took a magnum from it, and handed it to her. "You need to learn that sniping isn't always the answer. What we needto do is wait until Claire gets here with the Warthog and then we'll let 'em have it!"

"Sir, I think we're gonna need to move sooner than that," Ryan called out. He stood up and pointed at a distant blue armored figure on the ground just below them. "We've been spotted!"

The figure was waving his arms franticly. "Heyyyyyyy!" he shouted in an absurdly high voice that made him sound like he had been breathing helium (As far as the Yellows knew, he probably had been). The Blue was now hopping up and down while screaming as loud as he could: "I spotted Yellows, over here! "Heyyyyyyy-"A crack split the air and his head snapped backward, then he fell to the ground.

"There, you see!" Amber called to Patton while still looking through her sniper rifle's scope. "Long range weapon makes problem solved."

"Um, guys?" Ryan called out nervously.

"What is it now, Hobar?" Patton groaned.

"I think everyone else just noticed us!" Ryan cried. He pointed, and everyone's gaze followed the direction of his finger back to the Blue base. Like the members of a pissed off bee hive, every vehicle in the base was turning in the Yellow's direction.

"Ah, hell!" exclaimed Patton. He then stood up and called out to the others: "Attack!"

"With pleasure!" exclaimed Ryan as he fired a rocket at the nearest Warthog. The vehicle's driver saw the rocket coming at him and managed to swerve just enough that it hit the ground near the Warthog instead of into it, but the force of the explosion caused the turreted jeep to flip over into the path of a speeding Mongoose. The vehicles collided, and an instant later were replaced by a ball of flame and a shower of debris. Ryan pumped his fist in the air. "Yeah, that's how it's done!"

The Falcon was nearing them now. Ryan launched a rocket at it, but it flew too far off to the left. A rhythmic popping sound thundered from the aircraft as it fired machine gun rounds from its mounted turret at the Yellows. Ryan fired another rocket, this time directed at the Falcon's cockpit. The Falcon swerved, and the rocket just barely missed the cockpit windshield by centimeters. Shit!" Ryan spat. "I knew I should have waited for the lock-on!"

"Ryan, keep your aim steady!" shouted Patton.

"I'm trying, but it's moving all over the place!" Ryan yelled back at him. "Rockets travel too slow for this. Every time I aim at one place, the Falcon has time to move and make me miss."

"Then use the lock-on feature in that fancy launcher of yours!" Patton requested smugly.

"I can't! You have to hold still to use it, and if I do that I'll get chewed up by that thing's machine guns!" The hail of bullets forced Ryan to take cover behind a large rock. "Dammit, now I'm pinned!"

"I'll take care of it, boss." Amber yelled.

"Stone, now's not the time to get hoity-toity about long range combat," Patton said to her. "Just let Ryan do his job and take care of it."

"I'm pinned!" Ryan yelled back at Patton. "I can't do shit right now!"

"Boss, let me take care of it. I can do this!" Amber picked up her sniper rifle, balanced it on a rock outcropping to keep her aim steady, pointed it at the cockpit, and fired. An instant later, the Falcon pilot's head snapped back, the contents of his head splashed across the headrest of his chair, and the Falcon went into a tailspin, but stayed at a relatively stable altitude; the pilot must have managed to lock the aircraft's altitude before dying. As the Falcon exposed its side, Amber could see two Blues operating mounted gun turrets on either side door.

"Should've brought a grenade launcher," grumbled Ryan as he dropped the rocket launcher and pulled out a magnum. He popped out from the other side of the rock and started firing like mad at the turret gunners. He managed to hit one of the Blues, but the round only bounced off his energy shield. Apparently realizing that the Falcon should probably have a pilot at the helm, the Blue got up from his turret and made for the cockpit through the hatch in the troop bay.

As the Blue took the wheel and the Falcon stabilized from its spin, Amber finally managed to snipe the other Blue on the turret opposite the one the first Blue had been on. Said Blue turned the Falcon to face her so that he could fire at her with its machine gun, but she was quicker, and within the next half second no Blues remained alive within the Falcon. The aircraft began to spin again, but by this time it had sunk low enough to be below the cliff, and it rammed into it before finally reaching the ground with a metallic crunch.

"I gotta hand it to ya, Stone, that was some pretty damn fine work," Patton said to her, admiring the crashed VTOL craft. "But don't think this means I value long range any more than I did before."

"What... Ugh, Fine," she replied, "But now at least you've seen a taste of what I can do with a sniper rifle."

Patton nodded, but then turned to face the small army of ground based vehicles that had by this time reached the area directly under the cliff face. He pulled out his shotgun and told everyone: "Gotta go. I'll see ya in just a minute or two, and one less Blue Army, later."

With a grunt and a flick of his shotgun's safety, Patton hopped down from the cliff and landed on the ground in front of another Mongoose. The driver stopped the vehicle before him. The gunner in the back pointed his assault rifle at Patton. "Put your hands up!" the soldier squeaked in his helium voice. Patton simply snorted and aimed his shotgun. Seconds later, a hole appeared in the gunner's helmet, and he fell from his seat and onto the ground with a dull thump.

"Got you covered, boss!" Patton heard Amber say over the COM.

"I was about to take him out!" complained Patton. "That kill counts as mine!"

"Fine!" Amber said with a grumpy tone.

Patton turned to the driver of the Mongoose, who was still sitting in his seat and staring at him. Patton pointed his shotgun at the Blue. "Say hello to Lucy," Patton commanded.

The Blue stared into the shotgun's barrel, swallowed, and then squeaked: "Hello, Lucy."

With his other hand, Patton stroked the back of the shotgun's barrel. "Now say goodbye to Lucy."

The Blue swallowed again, muttered "Goodbye, Lucy," and looked up at Patton. "Why is Lucy going away so soon? I hardly got to meet her-"

Patton pulled the trigger, feeding the unfortunate soldier an 8 gauge round. "Blues, they never cease to amuse!" he muttered to himself, sliding a new shell into the chamber and yanking the slide.

"Patton, look out!" Ryan shouted through the COM.

Patton looked ahead of the Mongoose to see one of the tanks rolling up to greet him. "Oh, no you don't!" Patton shouted, then started running towards it.

"Boss, what the hell are you doing?" Ryan exclaimed. "You're supposed to run _away_ from a tank, not towards it!"

Before anyone had any idea what he was planning, Patton leapt onto the tank, ran over to the driver's window, and yanked it open with a grunt. Promptly, he pulled out the driver, and threw him from the tank to the ground. Patton got into the driver's compartment. The seat was covered with padded cotton. "This is actually really comfortable," He remarked to himself as he sat down and took the wheel, resealing the canopy of the compartment. Behind him, he heard and felt the sounds of the tank's targeting software uplink port attaching itself to the back of his helmet, interfacing with his armor's systems. He looked through the suddenly-there heads-up display and noticed that the Blue soldier he had just evicted from the tank was standing next to it and staring at it.

"I wasn't done with my turn in it yet!" the Blue whined. "Do you really need it _that_ bad?"

"Yup!" Patton said, squeezing a trigger on the control stick. There was a boom from the tank's cannon, and the Blue was no more. Where he had been was now a large smoking hole. Patton shouted over the COM "Y'all see how I got that done! Ranged weapons can suck it! Now, let's start uppin' that body count!" He heard Amber sigh in response, then shut off her COM.

"It looks like we'll have to chase them, sir." said Ryan. "They're retreating."

Patton checked; sure enough, his armor's motion tracker showed multiple red dots heading away from his position. "That shouldn't be much of a problem," He remarked. Then a new sound filled the canyon, causing Patton to turn trying to find its source.

With a roar, a Warthog from Yellow Base roared up and stopped in front of Patton's new tank. "I see you've neutralized a lot of them already," Clair's voice calmly said over the COM. Patton could see her sitting behind the wheel of the light recon vehicle. "And we also have their tank, apparently. Boss, if I had known you could get that much firepower on your own, I wouldn't have bothered driving this over."

"It's alright, Clair. You can never have too much firepower. But where the hell were you, anyway?" Patton asked.

"I lost the car keys. Somehow they ended up in the magnum drawer." She responded.

"Okay, who put the keys in the magnum drawer?" Patton shouted into the COM, opening it to his entire team. "That's the third time this week!"

Ryan had jumped down from the cliff and was walking over to Clair's Warthog. "Not me!" he responded as though he knew what Patton was thinking.

"Amber?" Patton tried next.

"No, sir," she replied. "I did not put the keys in the magnum drawer. Why would I do that? Why would anyone?"

"How about you tell me," Patton commanded. "Midnight drive, secret religious gathering, high school reunion. It could be a load of reasons. So then, which is it?"

"I didn't do it!" Amber shouted into the COM. The sheer volume of her voice was loud enough to make Ryan jump and almost drop his rocket launcher, which might of ended badly had he not caught it before it fell.

"Relax!" Patton laughed. "I was just pulling your leg! I know you didn't do it. I just like picking on you 'cause you're so dependent on long range weapons."

Amber sighed again.

Clair interrupted: "Sir, we need to move if we want to catch up to the Blues."

Amber came down from her perch on the cliff and climbed into the Warthog's passenger seat. "Let's go get 'em , Sir!" she exclaimed proudly. "With or without ranged weapons!"

"That's…progress, Amber. Not quite there yet, though," Patton said slowly. "Now, let's move out, everyone!" His tank began rolling towards the Blue's base entrance structure. "We have _so_ much more killing to do! Yeeehaaa!"

After waiting for Ryan to climb into the passenger seat, Clair drove the Warthog after it.

* * *

Nome stood over Skope, who was still lying on the makeshift table while applying a third layer of rubber gloves over the two he already had on.

"Are you putting on _more_ gloves?" Skope asked as he strained to look up at Nome.

"Sanitation is of upmost importance." Nome replied. "And I advise you to be still. The procedure is about to begin."

Skope stared down at the floor again. "Well, that's kind of hard when you have someone else digging in your-" Skope went limp as Nome applied pressure to the top of his spine.

"Please be still. I cannot continue with the procedure unless you are."

Skope grunted.

"Have you read any good books lately?" Nome asked pleasantly.

"What?" Skope asked.

"I asked you: have you read any good books lately?" Nome replied.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Skope wondered aloud in a confused tone.

"I am trying to make conversation. It has been clinically proven to help patients stay still while being given an enema. I have researched this topic very carefully, and I know it to be true," Nome lectured whimsically.

"I really don't know what to say to you anymore," was all Skope could think of as a response.

"You could reply by answering my first question," Nome replied.

"I regularly read Star Wars: The New Jedi Order series," Skope mumbled.

"That is scientific fiction, is it not?"

"Science fiction, yup," Skope said. "So, what's your favorite thing to do as a hobby then?"

"Oh, I read books as well."

"Ok, what kind of books?"

"Technical books, with lots of information," Nome thought some more and then continued: "The World Book Encyclopedia series is certainly my favorite. It took me three whole nights to get through all of it."

"Wait, you read encyclopedias?" Skope asked.

"Indeed. So tell me, what is your favorite encyclopedia series, then?" Nome inquired.

"I…don't read encyclopedias," said Skope. "I read science fiction novels, and I have no idea how you could possibly have read the entire World Book series in one night-"

"Wait, I have something," Nome interrupted.

"What?" Skope asked, but then felt something massive leave his back end.

Something landed in a metal pan with a CLINK, and suddenly Skope's pain was gone.

* * *

Kenny stood in the upper level of Green Base's entrance building watched the structure in the distance with keen interest. The communications officer for Green Base, Specialist Jessica "Jess" Retsis, stood beside him. She was also the technician of the base, and this was signified by the orange secondary color of her primarily green armor. She had been in the communications tower for the last several hours trying to fix a downed computer terminal, and now Kenny was catching her up on what had happened while she was gone. "So anyways," Kenny said nonchalantly, "The Commander's dead, Skope got, well, shot in the ass, and now we've got this super weird medic guy who's got a last name larger then Rhode Island, and now he's giving Skope an enema."

"Wow, and I thought life at this base was going to be boring." She remarked loudly.

"Well for the last three weeks, ever since we came here, it has been. I guess we just got lucky this time." Kenny said as he stared at the far away structure, clearly waiting for something to happen. After a while, he asked: "So, any word on reinforcements?"

Jess shook her head. "I didn't know to look into it. I spent all my time fixing that damn terminal, remember?"

Kenny sighed. "Ah, yes, that stupid thing. Any progress on that?"

"Nope," Jess said, and then sighed loudly. She thought to herself for a few seconds, then piped up with another subject: "Oh, I did talk to Kelly, though."

Kenny nodded. Kelly was Jess's best friend outside of the Wilderness, and she talked to her over the phone as much as she could.

Jess continued: "I also ranted against my ex."

"Which one?" Kenny asked.

"I can't remember. But I was really mad at him for some reason," she muttered slowly.

"Okay, then," Kenny said as he turned and started walking down the ramp to the elevator. "I'm gonna see how Skope's…operation is doing."

"I'll come with you," she said.

When Kenny and Jess returned to the makeshift operating room, they found Skope sitting upright on the table and Nome putting several pairs of rubber gloves in the waste basket. "How is he?" he asked Nome.

Nome turned to face him and proudly announced: "I am glad to announce that the enema was a complete success, against all odds. The bullet has been removed from his anus, and the tacos within are once again free."

"So, does that mean he'll be okay?" Jess asked.

"Indeed," muttered Nome deeply.

Jess continued: "Well, thanks for the help, doctor…"

"Nome Achentaughtensheloem Londontokyoparis," Nome replied pleasantly. "I am pleased to be of service."

"Alrighty then… I'm gonna, uh, check on our reinforcements. And… stuff," mumbled Jess as she quickly made for the elevator.

"Me, too," said Kenny, following in her direction.

"Ah, well then I hope to cross paths with you both again soon," Nome called after them. As the elevator doors closed off Kenny and Jess from Nome's sight, he mumbled to himself: "For what purpose do people always do that around me?"

"Well, he's a little strange," said Jess after both of them had gotten into the elevator.

"At least he healed Skope," replied Kenny. "But what's with his name?"

The elevator came to a stop, and both of them exited as soon as the doors opened.

"The hell if I know," Jess said as she started up the walkway. "So, what are you going to do now?"

They reached the landing, and Kenny pointed into the distance at the structure that was just visible. "I'm going to investigate that structure that Skope and the Commander were sniped from."

"Alone?" Jess asked. "Should I come with you?"

"I'll need to keep a low profile, and that's harder to do with two people," Kenny replied. "So yes, I should do this alone." When Jess continued staring at him, he continued: "I'm just going to check the place out, not actually engage anyone. Well, unless I have to."

"Alright," Jess said worriedly. "Just be careful."


	5. ASSAULT

Under the Yellow's attack, the Blue Base was now in ruin. Pieces of vehicles littered the landscape like a second layer of dirt. Blue armored bodies were scattered in every conceivable direction. A tank, now controlled by the leader of Yellow Team, rolled around the field proudly, and a fully manned Warthog circled distantly behind it. All surviving Blue vehicles had fled, and now the Yellows were just mopping up the stragglers.

Behind the Blue Base entrance building was a cave leading to the shoreline. Two figures in blue armor huddled there in fear. "Oh, crap!" one Blue exclaimed. "What do we do now?"

"Why are you asking me?" the other responded. "Why would I know?"

"Who else could I ask?" The Blue turned on the communicator in his helmet. "I'll try Jackson."

"He's dead," the second Blue responded.

"Moore?" the first Blue tried.

"Also dead," the second Blue muttered.

"What about Morte McLimp?"

"He's _really_ dead. He's been dead since before I got here."

The first Blue sighed. "Is _anyone_ still alive?"

"Oh, I'm alive!" a cheerful cry came from outside the cave. Both Blues looked up to see a third Blue pop up from the base building and begin to run towards the cave. Then a tank shell exploded near him, and his body flew into several different pieces. A flying foot thunked against the first Blue's helmet, and he sighed loudly again.

"Well, it looks like this is it," mumbled the second Blue sadly.

"On three, we rush the tank," the first Blue suggested.

"But couldn't we just flee along the shoreline?" the second Blue pondered.

"That would be less dramatic," the first Blue responded.

"True. Let's rush the tank."

"On three. One…two…-"

A tank round flew into the cave and exploded on a wall. Both Blues were knocked to the ground. The first Blue got up slowly. The second tried but fell back.

"Jimmy," the second Blue whimpered. "Jimmy, I'm not gonna make it." He breathed loudly for a few seconds, and then continued: "I have something to tell you."

"I already know you're gay."

"No…it's not that. Jimmy…"

"Yes."

"Jimmy…"

"Yes?"

"Jimmy!"

"What is it?"

"I like the sound of your name."

"Oh."

"And there's something else."

"What's that?"

"I ate the last chocolate chip cookie." He started sobbing. "I'm so sorry!"

"You didn't," Jimmy muttered in a shocked tone.

"I did."

"You didn't!" Jimmy shouted. "I refuse to believe it. You wouldn't do something like that!"

"But I did. I should have told you before…but I just couldn't bring myself to do so."

There was a long silence.

"Damn you!" Jimmy shouted after some time.

"I'm sooo sorry!" the second Blue sobbed. "Goodbye…Jimmy…" He made a "blarg" sound, and then he was gone.

"Nooooooo!" Jimmy screamed into the darkness. "Now I'll never know what that cookie tasted like!" He turned back towards the entrance of the cave to see a tank staring at him.

"That was a very entertaining conversation," a deep and powerful voice said coolly through the tank's loudspeaker. "I should've brought popcorn. But now that it's over, I have no reason not to blow you up. Sayonara!" Jimmy heard a giant boom, and then he knew no more.

* * *

Patton got out of the tank and turned his attention to the Blue Base entrance structure. "All the Blues are taken care of, so now let's go see what they have in their base that we can take." The Warthog stopped behind him. Patton motioned to Amber. "Stone, you're with me. I want cover if any more blues are hiding in here."

"I think it might be better if I stay out here, sir. My sniper isn't too useful in close quarters."

"Hmm, good point," Patton mumbled at her. Then he turned to the Warthog. "Hobar!" he yelled.

"I didn't do anything, I swear!" came the response back.

"It's not _that_ , Hobar! I want you to cover me while we investigate the base."

"Oh, okay then." Ryan clambered out of the Warthog and quickly followed behind his CO, assault rifle ready. Amber set up position behind the LRV's front wheels, and Clair mounted the turret. Satisfied, Patton and Ryan left.

The two of them entered the structure. The main room was a mess. All of the furniture had rolled off to one side. "The entire structure is slanted," Patton muttered to himself.

"Knowing the Blues, the person who built this place was probably high on helium when he designed it," Ryan remarked.

They approached the elevator leading down into Blue Base. Patton pressed the button to call the elevator, but nothing happened. "The Blues were smart enough to seal the entrance to their base," he muttered to himself. "That's unusual…for Blues."

"That's like the smartest thing they've ever done," Ryan commented. "It might be some protocol that kicks in whenever the base falls under attack."

"Makes sense, considering how often they get their asses handed to 'em." He shrugged. "Oh, well. They're probably isn't anything in there that we want anyways. These are Blues, after all."

"Um, guys!" Clair's voice said over the COM, "There's something coming!"

Patton and Ryan ran outside. Clair pointed the turret in the direction she was looking. Patton and Ryan followed his gaze. Another Falcon, filled with blue armored soldiers, was descending upon the besieged base.

"Where the fuck did that Falcon come from? I thought they only had two!" Ryan shouted.

"They must have held it in reserve," said Clair, "In case something like us happened."

"Damn lousy Blues!" Patton grumbled. "Why won't they just give up?"

"Who knows, boss," Amber started. "But we need to take out that Falcon. I suggest-" Patton was no longer beside her, but was inside the Blue Base structure and running up the ramp to its second floor. "What is he doing now?"

"No idea." Ryan said to her. "But he seems to know pretty well what's going on, so let's just let him do his thing."

"Just cover me!" Patton shouted down to them from the structure's second floor. He ran into the lookout room as bullets rained down after him. He turned towards the balcony, bee-lined for the edge of it as fast as he could, and jumped off. Everyone followed his trajectory for a second that was drawn out to seem like several. For a brief instant, Patton was flying. Then he landed on the windshield of the Falcon and held on with all his strength, denting the metal. The Falcon swerved trying to get him off, the pilot showing impressively quick thinking for a Blue. Patton managed to pry open the canopy and grab the steering stick on the Falcon's control pad. As the transport aircraft accelerated towards the Blue Base entrance structure, Patton let go and pushed off in the opposite direction. An instant later, the Falcon flew into the structure and exploded. Bits and pieces of wall and walkway flew through the sky, mixed with parts of the ship itself. Patton fell through the air and landed next to Amber, exactly in the place he had been standing just before he had run off. "Status of Falcon: Taken care of," He shouted conceitedly, as the chunks of the aircraft rained down around him. He brushed something off his armor.

"I should have figured out you'd do something like that," she muttered while crossing her arms.

"What can I say?" Patton said coolly. "I was feeling daring."

"Whatever, just warn me next time."

"And ruin the suspense?" Patton shook his head. "Never!" He glanced over at the remains of the Falcon, which were still burning. "What do you want to do with that?"

"If you hadn't destroyed it, we could have used the Falcon for ourselves," Ryan complained.

"When I drove here, I passed one that hadn't blown up," Clair said.

"Oh, yeah," Ryan responded. "It was that other one that Amber sniped everyone out of."

"Then maybe we can use it," Clair commented. "If all you did was shoot the Blues out of it, then it should have some bullet holes, and some trauma from hitting the ground, but nothing I can't fix. Cockpit window panes are a dime a dozen, and we've still got gallons of standard paint back at base. I think I might have a look at it before I head back to base."

"I'll stay with you," Patton said. "Once you get it up and running, I can fly it back to base, and you can get a nice ride."

"Sounds like a deal, Sir. I've always wanted to ride on a Falcon."

Clair stepped out of the Warthog's driver seat, and Amber took her place.

"Hey, I wanted to drive," whined Ryan.

"If we come upon anymore Blues, you can shoot them," replied Amber.

"That's a point. Let's go." The Warthog took off in the direction of Yellow Base.

Patton watched them go, then turned to Clair. "Well Sinclair, let's go work on that Falcon."

* * *

From the same cliff that the Yellows had launched their assault from, Kenny sat and watched them silently. He saw two of them drive off in a Warthog and the remaining two approach the Falcon resting directly under where he sat.

He distinctly overheard one of them, the one in reflective golden armor, say: "This should come in pretty damn handy for getting around the Wilderness from now on…and for when we attack that Green base Stone and Hobar spotted earlier." The other Yellow nodded, then pulled out some tools to start working on it.

"This is bad," Kenny muttered to himself, then took off as fast and silently as he could in the direction of Green Base.


	6. UNWELCOME RETURN

Jess stood on the upper floor of the Green Base entrance structure looking out at the rest of the canyon while talking into the COM in her helmet, deep in conversation with one of her many girl friends, Kelly. "Yeah, I know. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Not too bad actually. Skope got like, sniped in the ass by that Yellow sniper, and stuff. Uh-huh. We had to like, call in a medic and everything. Guy's weird as hell, but he like, got the job done, you know? Yeah. Yeah. He's like, finishing up now. And now Kenny's gone off to 'investigate' the Yellow guys who sniped him in the first place." She heard a very long throat-clearing sound behind her and turned around. Nome stood behind her. "Oh, like, speak of the devil. Gotta go. TTFN!" She deactivated her COM.

"You are Specialist…Retsis, I presume. Is that correct?" the medic asked in his oddly low voice.

"Yeah, what's up?" she replied.

"Well, I have completed the anal reparation of your friend, and I was wondering if you could kindly ask Green Command for a ride back to my base," he said slowly.

"I tried to contact your home base a few minutes ago, but they aren't responding for some reason," Jess told him.

"Mmmmmm, that is most curious," Nome muttered loudly to himself. "Well then, do you have some means of transport with which I could travel there by myself?"

"We have a Mongoose out back," replied Jess. "Will that work?"

"Magnificently," said Nome pleasantly. He turned to go down the ramp, but then paused and said: "If your friend encounters any more problems, do not hesitate to ask for me."

"Sure thing," Jess replied.

"Farewell," Nome said, and then walked slowly down the ramp.

Jess turned on her COM again to get back in touch with Kelly. Her friend picked up, and Jess was about to greet her when she felt a finger poke her shoulder pad. She turned around to find Kenny standing behind her. "Ugh, now someone else needs to talk to me. I'll still have to call you back." She turned off her COM a second time and turned to face Kenny impatiently. "What is it?"

"It's the Blues," Kenny stammered. "They're all dead!"

"The Blues?" she asked. "What do you mean?"

"I went to investigate the Yellows, right? Well, I tracked them to a Blue base, and man did they mess it up _good_! They wrecked _everything_ , even the structure itself. And I overheard them talking about planning to attack us!"

"This is bad," Jess said nervously. "Let's go inside and let Skope know what's going on, and then try to figure out what to do."

* * *

Nome sped across the coastline in the Mongoose Jess had lent him. He admired the brilliant scenery of the ocean and remarked: "My, what a marvelously beautiful place this planet truly is." He came upon a sandbar shallowly covered with water that led away from the mainland, and he drove on it for several tens of meters until he reached the shore of a small island. In the distance he could make out a circular structure, which was his home base.

As he drove up to it, he heard shuffling and low whispering from off to the left side. He looked, but could see no one there. He decided to make nothing of it, and walked whimsically into the western entrance to the base.

"My comrades, I have returned!" he called out loudly. "Who desires for a game of chess? I am certain that I do. Haha!" He waited, but heard no response."Hello?" he called out again, this time a bit nervously. He walked into the main room, and a second later stumbled back in surprise.

The bodies of his fellow basemen lay dead on the floor. "Oh, no. This is _quite_ problematic." He stepped forward and surveyed the room again. "Who would do such a vile thing?"

He heard footsteps behind him, and swiveled around to find no one there.

"Who was that?" he called out, eyes scanning the room.

He heard a low hissing noise. Instinctively, he vaulted to the side. A glowing blue ball sailed past him and exploded. Nome pulled out his sidearm and fired in the direction the device had come from. "Who are you? Show yourself, I demand it!" The response he got was a pair of rockets, one after the other, that came flying at him from the skylight. Nome fled to the other side of the room and was knocked down by the force of the explosions behind him. _I must to get out of here,_ thought Nome. He made a mad dash for the eastern gravity lift. He stepped into it, and felt himself lift off of the ground. He flew through the air, and was deposited on the second level stairs landing.

As soon as he got his bearings, he looked up to find another of the glowing blue devices, which he now realized was a grenade of some type, flying to greet him. He threw himself out of the way. The grenade landed on the ground behind him. Nome shoved himself away as it exploded. The force of the blast threw him off the landing, and he landed painfully on the first floor ceiling just next to the skylight. An electrical flash briefly surrounded him. "No, my shields are gone!" he exclaimed to himself.

He noticed something on the floor; a grey rectangular device, with a glowing blue center. He grabbed it and slapped it onto a section on the back of his armor, just above his hips. The tacpad on his right wrist lit up, and he pressed a button. Immediately, he was surrounded by a transparent dome of blue light. The device was an armor add-on, recently developed by his teammates for the Green Army. Each add-on granted a special ability to the wearer, usually a defensive one. This one was called the Drop Shield. On command, Nome could trigger a temporary barrier that would block out all incoming projectiles, but personnel could walk straight through. It was especially useful for deflecting bullets and grenades, but larger things, like rockets, could pop it like a bubble. This is the reason why he groaned when he looked up to see another rocket shooting at him. Nome dove into the skylight. The explosion thundered overhead, and the Drop Shield was annihilated as though it had never been there. But it had done its job; his shields were back.

Nome decided to run for the Mongoose he had rode in on. Faster than he was aware he could run, he streaked through the base and out the western entrance. He looked where he had parked it, and saw to his joy that it was still there. "Time to get the flabbergasted flibble out of here!" he said to himself as he mounted the getaway vehicle and vroomed off towards the mainland.


	7. LIFE AT YELLOW BASE

Amber and Ryan stood in the warehouse's landing zone, looking out at the Wilderness. They had been waiting for Patton and Clair to return for a while now, and were getting slightly worried.

"Any sign of them?" Ryan asked, scanning the sky.

"Well, they're probably having a harder time then they thought fixing the Falcon," Amber speculated. "I did shoot it up pretty good. And it is a Blue vehicle, after all."

"True. They don't exactly take good care of their equipment." Ryan agreed.

"Either that, or maybe they went to McDonalds."

"There's a McDonalds in the Wilderness?" Ryan asked, surprised. "When did that happen?"

"They're everywhere now. It just recently expanded its chain to this planet."

"Hm," mumbled Ryan, then looked back at Amber. "Wanna go there when they get back?"

Amber shook her head. "No, I'm fine with MREs and whatever Clair cooks up. And besides, McDonalds has nothing I'd want anyways. It's all junk food, in the truest sense of the words. Even their _salads_ have a full serving of sugar. Did you know that?"

Ryan shuddered and made a gagging noise. "Yuck. I don't think I'll be going to a McDonalds anytime soon. I knew their food wasn't perfectly good for you, but _man_! Now it just seems disgusting!" He shook his head and sighed. Amber nodded in agreement.

They waited for a few more seconds, and soon after the faint sound of double rotors became audible. There was also something else that seemed to be trying to drown the sound of the rotors out, a rhythmic hammering.

"Do I hear rock music?" Ryan asked, slanting his head to the side to see if he could hear better. Amber shrugged. They could now see a Falcon coming towards them from the direction of the Blue base, and as it approached the Warehouse a large section of the transparent wall slid down to allow the Falcon room to enter and land. As it flew in, Ryan and Amber stepped hurriedly back to give it some room.

The music became significantly louder as it neared, enough that when Ryan shouted "I think I've heard this before!" to Amber, she shouted "I can't hear you!" back at him.

"Never mind!" Ryan responded at full lung power. "Look, there's Patton!" He pointed to the Falcon's cockpit.

Amber looked, and sure enough, Patton was in the cockpit. As the Falcon pulled the rest of the way into the warehouse, she could see Clair in one of the passenger seats.

"Sinclair, I can't see a thing through this junk heap's nose," Patton shouted to Clair. "Where are we in relation to the pad?"

Clair shouted: "We're in a good position right now. Move forward just a bit."

Patton inched the aircraft forward a meter or so, sending a few bits of random trash soaring away in his jet wash.

"Okay, now a little to the left," Clair recommended.

Patton moved the Falcon to the left slowly.

"Perfect. Set her down," shouted Clair.

The Falcon landed in the center of the landing pad with a thunk, the onboard computer shutting down the rotors.

Patton turned off the rock music and got out and examined where he'd landed. He bellowed: "Excellent work, Sinclair. Right on the money!"

"No problem, sir," she responded proudly, climbing out of the VTOL craft. "I've always had a knack for guiding men into places."

Ryan, seeing an opening, exclaimed: "Well, that's good, 'cause I need some help with my underwear-"

Almost inhumanly fast, Patton whipped out his shotgun and pointed it at Ryan, safety off.

Ryan raised his hands defensively and backed up. "Just kidding, boss! She was asking for it."

Clair put her hands on her hips and let out an annoyed sigh. She rolled her eyes under her helmet.

Amber decided to change the topic of the conversation before things got out of control. "What took you guys so long with the Falcon?" she asked Patton and Clair.

"We stopped for lunch. Got tired of MREs. And Clair needed something to make snacks from." Patton replied, lowering his shotgun.

"You didn't go to McDonalds?" Ryan asked.

"A McDonalds?" Patton exclaimed. "Where'd that come from?"

"One was shipped in a few days ago," Amber explained.

"Damn, they're _everywhere!_ " Patton bellowed. "Even in the middle of a _fucking war zone_ we can't get away from them! It gives a whole new definition to the term 'viral'. And in more ways than one." A moment later, he continued: "No, I hate McDonalds. Instead we went to some Mexican style place. I can't remember the name."

"Tacos Demasiado," Clair said for him.

"Ah, now I remember," said Patton. "I had a small order of tacos."

"You had fifteen!" Clair interjected. "And then you spent the next forty minutes in the bathroom!"

"It was superb," Patton laughed. "But it doesn't matter, though. We have more important things to focus on than where I ate my lunch."

"And that would be…" Ryan asked slowly.

"Getting this Falcon repaired, of course!" Patton replied expectantly. "You think I'm gonna fly it in this condition again?"

"What condition?" said Amber, looking at the Falcon inquisitively.

"Held together with duct tape, chewing gum, and prayers," Clair responded. As if to back up her statement, a large section of the tail assembly fell to the warehouse floor with a resounding clang. "If Patton wasn't such a good pilot, we'd both be dead."

Under his breath, Ryan muttered: "Good pilot, my ass…"

"Now, Clair, I can't take all the credit," Patton laughed.

"Actually sir, you can," Clair responded happily. "If you hadn't flown like you did, this thing would have fallen apart under our feet." She glanced at the Falcon and ran her hands over a section of armor. "Damn Blues, no respect for a good machine." She sighed.

"Yes, yes, we all hate the Blues, and they suck. You've made that pretty clear," interrupted Ryan. "So, now what?"

"You can help us repair the Falcon so it can fly again," Patton bellowed at Ryan. Then he turned to Amber and said "You can take a break."

"Why me?" whined Ryan. "I've got important stuff to do! Besides, I'm heavy weapons, not repairs! I blow stuff up. Clair's the person who fixes things."

"Since when is watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars important?" asked Amber.

"Since the Republic managed to break through the blockade over Ryloth, that's when!" Ryan exclaimed. "It's so exciting!"

"Isn't that the planet of those slave girls from Return of the Jedi with the head tails?" Clair asked snidely.

"Yes, but one, they're called Twi'leks, and two, they're not head-tails, they're lekku," said Ryan in a matter-of-fact kind of manner, showing he knew this information quite well.

"Um, okay then," Clair said, then turned to look out at the Wilderness and shook her head.

"Ryan, stop confusing the mechanic," Patton shouted at him. "Just leave, before I make you leave!"

"Stupid, Hutt brained…" Ryan mumbled in Patton's direction.

Patton cocked his shogun. "I said now. Before I have Lucy make you leave by force!"

Ryan sighed loudly, but it came out as more of a growl. Patton pointed his shotgun at him and yanked the slide again.

"Screw you!" Ryan shouted at him, then quickly left the room.

"That's what your mom said last night!" Clair shouted after him.

"Excellent retort, Clair," Patton said proudly to her. "I should really put you up for a promotion."

Clair turned to Patton and giggled at him.

"God, if the hormones in this room get any denser, we'll be swimming!" cried Amber as she moved towards the door. "If you need me, I'll be getting something to eat." She went through the door, and Patton and Clair were left to themselves.

Patton let out a relieved sigh. "Thank God. Now we can finally discuss repairs."

"I thought you wanted Ryan to help us." Clair pointed out.

"Nah." Patton waved his hand dismissively. "That was just to get him to leave. You know how he hates to take orders."

"True, and he'd be more likely to break something important on this bird." Clair mumbled, then turned and looked at him. "Now, about repairs…"


	8. SKOPE'S CONCLUSION

In Green Base, Skope, Jess, and Kenny sat around the mess hall table discussing what Kenny had seen while he was investigating the Yellows. "So the Blues at that base are all dead?" asked Skope, leaning forward.

"Every last one," Kenny confirmed. The Yellows got 'em all." He swiped his hands to the side.

"That base was less than half a click away!" Jess said in a panicked tone, pacing anxiously around the room. "And are you sure you overheard the Yellows saying that they're coming after us next?"

"Yup!" Kenny said nervously. "Clear as day! Their Commander said we're next!"

"As close as the Yellow's base is to ours, they could launch an attack on us at any time!" Skope said. "Hit them before they hit us! Now-

"Wait, I think I hear something!" Jess whispered, interrupting Skope.

They all listened, and could faintly hear the motor of a Mongoose's engine.

"It's the Yellows!" shouted Kenny. "I told you they'd attack!"

Skope pulled out his marksman rifle, yanking the charging lever. "Time for payback. I'm gonna teach them what it's like to be sniped in the ass!"

Jess pulled out her magnum. "I don't know about you guys, but I have a lot of valuable stuff here. I'm not letting them have this base!"

"I second that motion," shouted Kenny as he pulled out a flamethrower and lit it with a horrifying laugh.

"We have a flamethrower?" Skope asked, looking in amazement at the weapon. "When did we ever get a flamethrower?"

"I helped him build it last week from a kit Command sent," Jess explained.

"I've been waiting seven whole days to try this baby out!" Kenny shouted gleefully, patting the fuel tank.

The sound of the elevator's motor was suddenly audible. They all rushed to the elevator door, and saw from the indicator on the door's control panel that the elevator was going up.

Jess swiveled around to face Kenny. "Why are they getting the elevator to work so easily?" she asked him harshly. "Did you post the base access codes inside a Blue base as a prank again?"

"They never even saw me!" Kenny shouted back. "Maybe they have some kind of hacking tool. And I stopped doing that! It doesn't work, remember? They think it's a pizza delivery number."

The elevator's motor stopped humming as it reached the top, and a moment later started up again as it began its journey back down.

"As soon as that door opens, we let 'em have it!" shouted Skope, readying his rifle.

As they waited for the elevator to reach the elevation of their base, seconds seemed like hours. Finally, the elevator reached the bottom of its shaft, and the doors flew open.

"Now!" Skope yelled.

"Ahhh, do not fire, it is me!" Nome yelled and put up his hands defensively.

"Hold your fire, it's Nome!" Skope shouted. Jess and Kenny lowered their weapons, Kenny doing so with a disappointed sigh.

"Ah, that was close," sighed Nome, stepping out of the elevator. "Had I responded a few deciseconds later, things might have ended badly for me."

"Sorry about that, Nome!" Jess apologized. "We thought the Yellow Army was attacking us."

"That was quite a major miscalculation," Nome laughed. "Thank you for not accidentally killing me, by the way."

"You're welcome." Replied Jess.

"Nome?" Skope asked. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to return to your home base."

"I did so," he replied sadly. "But alas, they are all dead."

"Who's 'they?" Kenny asked.

"My comrades, my fellow basemen!" Nome said loudly. "All of them are gone!"

"The Yellows destroyed your base?" Skope asked.

"I…I could not see their visors," Nome explained. "I cannot confirm which army they were from."

"It must have been the Yellows!" Skope said angrily. "They've been attacking everything they see on this world! First, they killed our commander. Then, they annihilated the Blues! And then, they followed you to your base and killed everyone there!"

"No, I said I could not see my attackers," Nome informed. "I only had enough information to know that I was being attacked. I have no way to know or prove who it was. I do not think we should jump to conclusions so hastily."

"But who else could it be?" Jess asked.

"I do not know, but we must be sure beyond any doubt that we have the real culprits, or we will be attacking innocent people," Nome said calmly. "Something I would rather not have happen.

"Innocent?" shouted Skope. "They're Yellows! They're already our enemies! This is war, remember?"

"What will this solve?" Nome asked.

"I'll tell you what this will solve!" Kenny shouted. "Their base is less than a quadrant from ours. It we don't attack them, they will attack us, and we can't have that happen!"

"But they have only attacked you once in three weeks," inquired Nome. "What evidence do you have-"

"So let's attack them for once!" Skope interrupted. "Jess, radar their location!"

"Actually, I agree with Nome," she said softly. "We're jumping to conclusions."

Skope was clearly getting angry now. "You mean you don't even care? But, who else could have done this?" he shouted at Jess. "Now stop being a wimp and find their location!"

"I do care," she responded. "I just don't think killing an entire team over a hunch is a very good idea."

"But they're the enemy anyways!" Skope exasperatedly yelled.

"Friends, enemies, why can we not all get along?" Nome said strongly. "We should wait for some time until we have acquired more evid-"

" _I was sniped in the ass today!"_ Skope shouted at the top of his lungs. "That's enough for me!"

Everyone fell silent.

"That's a point," said Kenny after a few seconds.

"They violated me," Skope continued angrily. "And I don't care if they're responsible for destroying your base or not, Nome, because they're still guilty of another crime: they killed the Commander and put a cap in me where nothing else would dare to probe!" He took a deep breath, and then stated: "I want them to pay for _that!_ "

The other three took a few moments to think Skope's speech over.

"I think Skope is right, guys," Kenny said. "The Yellows need to be dealt with, for what they've already done and for what they will do if they attack us before we attack them. Plus, it's our standing orders. Hit the Yellows when we can, do as much damage as we can."

"I'm with him now, too," said Jess. "Following orders is always a good idea."

"I do not agree with this," said Nome. "But I could still come along for the ride. I really do not have anything better to do at this time. And perhaps I can be of some use, should one of us be injured."

"Then it's decided," Skope said valiantly. "We shall attack the Yellows!"

"Let's get moving, then," said Jess. "We should head for the Yellow's base entrance structure. If they aren't there now, they will be eventually, and then we can take them by surprise."

"I'll take the Warthog," said Skope. "Jess, you can take the gunner's seat."

Nome nodded. "And I will take the Mongoose you had lent me earlier. Kenny, will you be my gunner?"

Kenny pumped his fist in the air. "Oh, yeah! Let's kick some Yellow ass!"


	9. A THREE AND A HALF TON CUBE OF SALT

Light from the setting sun streamed through the transparent wall of the warehouse, washing everything inside in a shiny glow. Ryan worked on the repairs for the Falcon, having finished watching Star Wars and realized the chain gun turrets were modifiable. Patton and Clair stood some meters away from the Falcon landing pad, chatting.

"Having Ryan do the last of the repairs for us was a good idea," Clair commented. "There were loads of things that needed to be fixed on that bird, too much to keep track of, and if I'd taken much more time working it myself I think my head would have exploded from all the numerous details!"

"Well, now, we can't have our mechanic dead, now can we?" Patton responded, patting her on the shoulder. "Who'd fix our stuff then?"

"Don't forget servicing weapons and cooking meals," Clair added.

"Hm," Patton contemplated, stroking the base of his visor again. "As of when do you cook our meals? We usually cook our own, don't we?"

"You mean you heat the food packages I prepare," She replied. "I appointed myself un-official cook a while ago, just so you know."

"Before or after Ryan's sugar binge?" Patton asked.

"After. I wanted to stop that kind of thing from ever happening again."

Patton laughed. "Good idea. As much as I enjoyed watching Hobar scrub his own puke out of my boots, this floor can get rather cold at some times." Patton paused, thinking. "You know, we should really get some of those floor heater thingies."

"We could ask Command for them." Clair suggested. "Just don't make it too high a priority. Remember when we 'really needed' salt?"

"Ah, yes. The three and a half ton salt lick. Hard to forget a block of salt that big. What happened to it, anyway?"

"We used it to season several hundred servings of popcorn, most of which Ryan ate during his Star Wars: The Clone Wars marathon."

From the Falcon, Ryan called out: "A three and a half ton cube of salt, that was the life!"

"Shut up, Hobar," snapped Patton. "Oh, wait, do we have any of that stuff left?"

"If we do, Amber's probably eating it now," responded Ryan.

"Damn, I'm still a little hungry," Patton grumbled. "Some popcorn would have hit the spot."

"You had fifteen tacos and you're _still_ hungry?" Clair asked, amazed.

"I have a high metabolism," said Patton smugly. "How else do you think I was able to pull off hijacking a Falcon right out from under the Blues? And that tank too?"

Ryan called to them from where he was working: "Hey guys, remember Fat Bastard from that Austin Powers movie?"

Patton shouted at him: "Ryan, leave! Now! Go watch Star Wars: The Clone Wars again or something. I am talking with someone else now in a conversation that was never intended to include you!"

"Okay, fine!" Ryan grumbled back at Patton. "I was in the mood to watch more, anyways." A moment later he was off the turret and through the door.

Patton turned back to Clair with a groan. "Now, back on the subject. Because of my high metabolism I have been able to pull off quite a few similar stunts to the one with the Falcon."

"I see," She said thoughtfully. "Still, it seems a bit unnatural to me…"

"Oh, so now you're the medic, too?"

Clair nodded. "Actually, yes. That's what brought me here in the first place, if you remember. I just have mechanical and culinary training to back it up."

Patton sighed. "Sorry, I keep forgetting. Kind of hard to remember who's the medic if none of our guys get hurt."

Clair looked like she wanted to say something, but stopped as she heard footsteps from the door. They looked to find Amber entering the room.

"Amber, are you done eating?" Patton asked.

"Not really," she responded in an annoyed tone. "I kinda got interrupted."

"HOBAR!" Patton yelled, making both girls cringe.

"No, it wasn't him," Amber continued. "You know what, I'll just show you."

"Works for me," said Patton. "C'mon, Clair. Let's go see what put Amber off her lunch."

Amber led them out of the warehouse, past the kitchen, down another corridor, into the communications room, and finally to the computer terminal responsible for radar.

Amber turned to Patton and Clair. "So I was eating some of that left-over popcorn, you know that stuff we made a week and a half ago?"

"How could I forget?" Clair said. "It's not often you see a block of salt more than half as tall as you are."

Amber continued: "Right…anyway, I was eating some of that-with the popcorn, of course-when I noticed that the radar was picking something up."

"Did you manage to record the signal?" Patton asked, leaning in to glance at the radar.

"Better, I got a classification," Amber responded.

"And that is?" Patton inquired impatiently.

"One Warthog and one Mongoose, coming from that Green Base we discovered earlier today, heading in our direction."

"So that's maybe, five people, right?" Clair asked.

Amber nodded. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Patton pulled out his shotgun. "Well then, that doesn't seem like too much of a challenge for us, even if we've just come from another battle. Amber, get Ryan down here-" He paused for a moment, and then continued, smiling under his helmet: "Rescind that, I'll do it myself."

* * *

Ryan sat in his quarters watching a downloaded episode of Star Wars: The Clone Wars on his heads-up display, pleasantly relaxed and engaged into the episode's story. "That's right Kenobi, lead 'em into the alley. Come on, come on… Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" he shouted, punching the air. "Utter devastation by Commander Cody! That was awe-" He was interrupted from his relaxation by the sound of his radio chiming. He let out an annoyed grumble, and turned on his COM. "Ryan here."

He jumped as a thunderstorm of yelling assaulted him through the radio, making him rip his helmet off his head: "HOBAR, STOP JERKING OFF TO THAT SLAVE GIRL AND GET THAT SORRY PIECE OF MEAT YOU CALL AN ASS DOWN HERE FIVE MINUTES AGO!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming. Jesus Christ!" he responded angrily into his helmet. "I heard you, no need to make me go deaf."

The radio voice, which could only belong to Patton, continued: "YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME ANYWAY! NOW GET DOWN HERE!"

"Fine!" Ryan got up, slipped his helmet back on, and went down to the warehouse, where he found the other three members of his base standing around the Falcon.

In his powerful voice, Patton bellowed: "Alright, listen up. Amber's picked up some movement, and we need to find out what it is. So saddle up and prepare to give 'em hell! You ready?"

Clair, Amber, and Ryan saluted. "SIR YES SIR!" they shouted in unison.

"Good," Patton said as he cocked his shotgun. "Let's roll out!"


	10. CONTACT

Jess and Skope sped through the canyon in the Warthog while Nome and Kenny trailed behind in a Mongoose. The Yellow's base entrance structure loomed just ahead. Both vehicles came to a stop in front of it, throwing up twin plumes of dirt.

"Now what?" Skope asked from the Warthog's driver's seat, glancing over his sniper rifle and tweaking something on the scope.

"Now we wait," Nome replied calmly, leaning back as far as he could in the Mongoose.

Skope took a deep breath. "What, we don't try to take over their entrance structure or anything? We just sit here and do nothing?"

"We know that they can see us from within their base, and therefore they will come out to confront us eventually," Nome said.

"But why don't we just attack now?" Kenny whined.

"Patience is the virtue that wins battles. That is what this army was built on." Nome lectured. "The fact that we have not encountered them yet suggests that they are taking special liberties to hide from us, most likely to surprise us. The dominant probability is that they are waiting inside the structure for us to enter so that they may ambush us. If we continue to wait out here, however, then their plan will be foiled, and then they will have no choice but to come outside to face us on our own turf, allowing us to ambush them instead. We just need to keep waiting, and I am sure we will confront them soon. They are, after all, Yellows. Waiting is not something they do well. They will come, and we will be ready."

"And you know all this…how?" Jess asked, swinging the 'Hog's turret around out of restlessness.

"It is a classic strategy, one that has served the Green Army superbly over the years." Nome recollected. "In fact, the very first battle of the war was won this way…"

As Nome continued talking, a Warthog containing three yellow armored soldiers was creeping up behind the Greens, engine barley ticking over. It came to a stop a few meters behind them. If they had not been engaged in their conversation the Greens would have noticed, but as it was they just continued taking to each other, which was something that suited the occupants of the LRV just fine.

"…and so that is how The Green Army won that battle," Nome finished. "It would have turned out differently had they not waited, but they did. And they won."

"Ok, so we wait," Skope confirmed, leaning back and taking his hands off the wheel.

Kenny sighed. "This is stupid! I want to kill something! Or light stuff on fire! Or both!"

"Chill, Kenny." Skope said harshly. "You'll get your chance."

"So..." Jess asked quickly, wanting to break up the brewing argument. "What should we do while we wait?"

Nome spoke again: "I do have another story that I would like to share with you, an enlightening tale that could help us pass the time." He cleared his throat. "Once upon a time there was a Green soldier who waited so patiently for a platoon of Blues to come out of their base that when they finally did, he was so focused on waiting that he forgot to check if the Blues had come out yet. He waited in his spot for days. He never moved, and soon the Blues eventually noticed him, but mistook him for a rather tall shrub."

"Huh," commented Skope. "So, what happened next?"

"The Blues were massacred by the Yellow Army some days later, for they had planned their own assault. The Green soldier never realized that it was time to move, and so he remained there, waiting. To my knowledge, I do not believe anyone ever heard form that soldier again. The end."

" _That's_ how it ends?" Kenny asked.

Nome nodded. "This story does not dwell upon the benefits of waiting, but it does demonstrate the virtue of patience, which of course is a quite valuable quality-"

"Is he _still_ talking?" a loud voice bellowed from behind the Greens. "This is the most boring shit ever!"

They all turned to find the Yellow's Warthog sitting right behind them, fully loaded; Clair in the driver's seat, Patton in the passenger, and Amber in the turret.

"Oh, great!" Jess shouted, traversing her own turret to get a clean line of sight on this new enemy.

"Mmm, I knew that I would encounter you here eventually," Nome said slowly to Patton, who was the one who had spoken.

Patton pointed his shotgun at Nome. "Actually, I'd say _we_ were the ones who found _you_. Now, will you surrender, or will I have Lucy _make_ you?" he hefted the shotgun for emphasis.

"Actually, I would rather like to have a talk with you," Nome replied calmly, despite the fact that an enemy commander was currently pointing a loaded weapon at his head.

Patton paused for a moment, and then said, in utter disbelief: " _What?"_

He was so stunned he actually lowered Lucy for a moment, before realizing his mistake and raising the shotgun up again.

"We came searching for you in the belief that you destroyed one of our bases in the north," Nome continued, still calm. "We wanted to see if you were truly responsible."

"Is this a long way of saying you're surrendering?" Patton asked slowly.

"No, we just wanted to know if you were the ones who destroyed it, or if you did not."

"What is he talking about?" Amber whispered to Patton. "We've never even _been_ up north!"

"Shh, don't tell him that!" Patton responded under his breath. "Never tell the enemy anything, remember?"

To Nome, he shouted. "What base is this, again?"

Nome gave a relieved sigh. "Well, I suppose I will take the answer as a no, then. You people do not seem as though you have a motive for doing this. And, I have never seen you anywhere in the north. The culprits must have been others." He turned back to Skope. "I should think that we are done here. We have our answer. Let us return to base-"

Patton fired a shot that just missed Nome, a fact attributed both to his intent to get the Green's intention and not hurt him (yet) as well as the buckshot's spread. "Hold it! Your helmet looks familiar, Green! I've seen you before somewhere..." To himself, he whispered, "No, that can't be right. Could it? _"_

Jess looked at Nome. "Have you guys met? Is this true?" Nome was deep in thought, and he remained that way even after Jess had posed her question. _What are you not telling us,_ she wondered.

"What, you recognize _him_?" Clair asked Patton, shocked.

"I don't quite remember, but sort of. Kind of. Don't want to." Patton answered under his breath, "But it doesn't matter." He shouted at the Greens: "You aren't going anywhere, unless you surrender, of course. Then maybe I'll spare you...and use you as target practice!"

That was when Ryan jumped off of the roof of the structure with his rocket launcher, screaming at the top of his lungs in some attempt at a battle cry. He landed in front of the Green's Warthog with a loud grunt and a crunch of armor hitting the ground, rolled upright, slung the launcher over his shoulder, and aimed to fire.

"Whoa, Hobar! Stand down!" Patton shouted at him. "I was talking to them, not giving you the queue! I think they're about to surrender!"

"Aw, man!" Ryan whined, disappointed. His shoulders slumped, but when the launcher started to slip he jolted upright again.

"We have not come to surrender," Nome said, ignoring Ryan. "We are, in fact, done here."

Skope turned to Nome. "What? Done, DONE? We just found Yellows! We can't just _leave_ them here! Standing orders, remember?"

Jess eyed Ryan and his rocket launcher. "Actually, I think leaving might be a good idea."

Ryan jerked upright again, bringing the launcher back to bear.

"Indeed," Intoned Nome. "When we asked the Yellows about the destruction of my base, they had no idea what I was talking about. Furthermore, my fellow basemen were top defenders, and none but the best could have defeated them. The Yellows cannot have done this, for I do not believe that they possess the resolve or foresight required to launch such a coordinated attack themselves."

"Well fuck you, too!" Patton interrupted, simultaneously giving Nome the finger. "Who in the name of Shaw are _you_ supposed to be, anyways? Your helmet looks familiar, but you're a surviving Green, so I can't possibly have seen you before. All the Green's I've ever met have ended up dead. I made sure of it." The last part he growled out.

Nome replied: "I am First Class Medic Nome Achentaughtensheloem Londontokyoparis."

"Gizuntieght," said Ryan, Clair and Amber, simultaneously. Silence fell as all three realized their mistake.

"That's a _name_?" Clair wondered out loud. "What the hell is your family history?"

"Is something wrong?" Nome inquired calmly. He'd apparently had this question posed to him before.

"The only thing wrong, aside from what you call a name, is the fact that you haven't surrendered yet," Patton bellowed back at him. "Now put your hands up! C'mon, let's see 'em!"

"I have already told you, we did not come here with the intent of surrendering."

"Then you came with the intent of dying!" Patton shouted back. He turned, and howled, "Ryan, open fire!"

"But why don't they just surrender?" Ryan asked. "I don't see them with a ready-to-fire rocket launcher."

"Oh, please!" Kenny shouted at Ryan. "You wouldn't know how to start a fire if you had a flamethrower and a can of gasoline!"

"Do you?" asked Ryan sarcastically.

Kenny pulled out his flamethrower and lit it. "See?"

"A flamethrower won't do a thing against a rocket," Amber interjected. "The rocket will just go straight through the flames."

"Yeah. Idiot." Ryan responded, though he sounded more relieved than angry.

"So stop your yapping and _fire!_ " Patton ordered.

"With pleasure!" said Ryan as he raised the launcher and prepared to pull the trigger.


	11. NOME'S PROPOSITION

Ryan stood with the rocket launcher pointed at the Greens, maintaining his pose for several seconds.

"What are you waiting for?" Patton shouted at him. "A Christmas-Hanukkah hybrid? The next season of The Clone Wars? Blow them up already!"

Ryan continued to stand and do nothing. "The launcher, it's not firing. I don't-" That was when a rocket slipped out the back of the launcher. Ryan cried out and just barely managed to catch it with his right hand. "Oh, I must not have loaded it properly. God dammit!" He set the launcher gently on the ground, barrels pointing to the earth, and leaned down to put the rocket back inside. "Give me a minute, guys. I'm sorry about this…"

"Fucking rookie." Patton muttered, then turned to the Greens. "Well, it looks like you guys might get to live a few seconds longer. Congrats!" He clapped sarcastically.

"This sucks!" Skope said under his breath.

"How are we gonna get out of this?" Jess asked.

"What we need most is some kind of distraction, something to throw the Yellow's minds off of blowing us up," Nome muttered. "And quickly."

Patton heard a sound behind his Warthog. He swung around to look at the turret. "Amber, do you hear humming?"

"Yeah, I think I do, boss." The Yellow sniper swung her the turret around on its powered base, scanning for the source of the noise.

"Is it coming from behind us?" Clair wondered aloud.

"Heads on a swivel! Find where that's coming from!" Patton ordered.

They all turned and looked behind them. A soldier in orange armor with a crimson secondary color was humming a happy tune and skipping whimsically along the ground, weaponless. "Hello sky, hello grass, hello hills, oh, hello people!" He came to a stop in front between the Green's and Yellow's Warthogs. "Hey, guys! 'Sup, my dude-people! How's it goin'?"

Silence reigned while the two teams studied the newcomer.

"This loser is on your team, isn't he, medic?" Patton asked Nome, after a moment of contemplation.

"I have never seen this person before in my life…or would want to," Nome replied.

"Gee, it's hot out! Really, really flippin' hot!" the solder continued.

"Is it?" Skope asked the soldier. He looked around, then looked at the temperature readout in his HUD; average temp for this season. If anything, it was actually a bit cold.

The soldier nodded. "Yeah, it's just _so_ hot out here! Ever since I said hello to sun this morning it's been getting really hot. Maybe that's the sun's way of saying 'hi' back!" The soldier giggled.

Ryan picked up the now fully loaded rocket launcher. "Um, dude, maybe you haven't noticed, but we're kind of in the middle of something."

The soldier wiped the brow of his helmet as though he thought sweat was on it. "Maybe the heat isn't getting to you as much, 'cause I just think it's really super freakin' hot. How can you guys not get affected by this much heat-" All of a sudden, with a loud _whump_ , the soldier was enveloped by flame. Every square centimeter of his armor was covered in fire. "Oh my _god I'm on_ FIRE! WAAAAAAAAAA!" He began running in circles around the Yellow's Warthog. "I'M ON FIRE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOLY CRAP I'M ON FIRE FUCK AHHHHH!" He changed direction and ran towards the demolished Blue Base and the cave that led out to the shoreline, trailing a line of flame as he did. Everyone watched him for several more moments until he entered the cave and left their sight.

"What the hell was that?" Clair asked.

"I have no idea," Amber responded.

Out loud, Ryan thought to himself: "That was really strange. Uh, this may be a rookie question-"

"Which is fine, since you're technicality the rookie on this team." Clair added.

"Right..." continued Ryan. "But does stuff like this happen around here a lot?"

"Unfortunately yes." Patton replied. "You get used to it. And now that that's over, where were we…ah, yes! Ryan, you were going to fire that rocket launcher!"

In the last seconds before Ryan pulled the trigger, Nome's mind ran at full speed to find a plan to keep him and his teammates alive. In the final instant before the rocket fired, he shouted: "Wait! I have a proposition!"

Patton laughed. "Oh, and now the medic has a proposition! What is it, you're going to try running and think you deserve a head start?"

Nome shook his head. "No, that is clearly not sufficient with you. Instead, I want a race."

Patton fell silent as he thought it over. He stroked the bottom of his helmet. "A race, hmmm? Sounds interesting…"

Nome nodded. "Yes, a Mongoose race. If we win, we get to leave and take your Warthog with us. If you win, you get to kill us and take our Warthog and Mongoose."

"You've got yourself a nice little plan there," Patton said slowly. "But let me ask you something: what, exactly, is to stop me from killing you and taking your vehicles right now?"

Skope called over from the Green's Warthog: "Because our Warthog has a steering lock, and if you kill us now you'll never get it off."

"He's right," Amber said to Patton while looking at the Green's Warthog. "They do have a lock… one that he just finished putting on!"

Sure enough, there was a large metal contraption locked around the Warthog's wheel. As they watched, Skope twisted a section, which slid together with a loud _click_.

"That was an excellent play, Lieutenant Skope!" Nome said, patting the sniper on the shoulder. "Now the Yellows have a reason not to blow us up. Well done!"

Patton turned to Clair. "That steering lock…does it look like you could crack it?"

Clair shook her head. "No, lock picking was not a field I studied in at college. Electronic locks, sure, but not mechanical. Sorry."

"Since when is lock picking taught in college?" Ryan asked, glancing at his teammate.

"It's more of an acquired art. That's why I never really tried it," she replied.

"Dangit, you slimy ugly green…Greens!" Patton shouted in Nome's direction. He pounded his Warthog's dashboard, then let out a sigh, and said: "Fine, we accept the race!"

"Very good, that is most excellent," Nome muttered proudly.

"We're gonna beat you so hard at this race that you'll still feel the bitch slap of defeat decades from now!" Patton laughed as he stared at the Greens.

"Um, guys?" Ryan interrupted.

"What is it now, Hobar?" Patton asked rudely, spinning to face his subordinate.

"Where's our Mongoose?"

The Yellows glanced at each other.

"We didn't bring one," Clair responded slowly.

A short silence followed afterwards, but the groans within the Yellow's heads were so pronounced that they were almost audible.

"Dammit!" Patton shouted. "Why did I just OK the Mongoose race if we don't have a Mongoose? Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkk!"

Ryan responded: "Well, probably because you weren't paying attention and got cocky and overconfident. I gotta hand it to the medic guy, though. He really had you walk straight into that one-"

"Hobar, SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!" In anger, Patton tossed an empty shotgun shell at Ryan. It bounced off his helmet and spun into the grass.

Nome laughed in a calm, calculated manner. "The Yellows do not have a Mongoose, and so therefore we win by default! Yellows, your Warthog belongs to us now."

"Not in my _life!_ " Patton shouted, standing up so fast the entire Warthog rocked and Amber almost fell of the turret. "Hobar, go back inside and get a Mongoose."

Ryan's whiny voice infested the surroundings: "What, but you already had me do that awesome jump to get down here and point at them with the rocket launcher and everything when you all were just sitting in the Warthog! Isn't it someone else's turn to do a fetch quest?"

"You're already on the ground. We'd have to get out of the Warthog." Patton replied smartly.

"Oh come on!" Ryan shouted. "The Mongooses are on the lowest sub-levels! Do you have any idea how long-"

"I said now!" Patton growled. "Us three have to keep an eye on the Greens, make sure they don't try to pull another one on us!"

"But I'm the one with the rocket launcher! Shouldn't I be watching them?"

Patton pointed to the door entrance. "Whine again, and you'll be hauling ass around our base for three laps when this is over!"

"Probably not a bad idea for him to do that anyway..." Clair muttered to herself. "He could use the exercise."

"Fine," Ryan groaned. "I'm going!"

" _Someone's_ moody..." Jess mumbled to herself.

"I can assure you, we will not try to double cross you," Nome informed Patton.

"You're a Green, so I can't trust you," Patton responded. "Now you just stay right there…"

Amber checked the time on her HUD, and then said to Patton: "Boss, it's getting really late. By the time Ryan gets back it's gonna be mostly dark. We should probably make camp and then do the race thing in the morning."

Clair nodded. "That's a good idea."

"I like it too. Let's do it." Patton sat back down. "You hear that?" he called to the Greens.

"I hear it!" Skope called back. "We'll do this at first light!"

By now the sun had sunk well below the top of the eastern canyon wall, but the blood red clouds in the sky were well visible, reflecting the last of the sunlight. Patton admired their beauty for a few moments, then activated his COM. "Ryan, I'm gonna need you to bring a tent along with the Mongoose. We need to camp _outside_ our base tonight, so we can keep an eye on the Greens until tomorrow…Why? Because I ordered you to… and because if we leave, they leave, and we can't bring them _in_ the base with us because it would be awkward and they have no right to be there, not to mention it's against most of the rules of combat- wait, why am I explaining myself to you? Just get the stuff and get back out here, now!"

"This could be a _long_ night," said Clair, leaning back in her seat and putting her hands behind her head.

"Camping next to _Yellows?_ I was not intending on spending my evening like this!" Kenny groaned, placing his hand over his visor.

"They're gonna have a tent, but we'll have to sleep in our vehicles," Skope said with annoyance.

Patton pointed at Nome and laughed. "Oh, yes! And I'll be watching you the whole time, Medic! And don't you slimy Greens even _think_ about leaving my sight!"

"Ugh," Jess moaned, whacking her head on the Warthog's dash. "This...night... _sucks!_ "

Nome motioned to the other Greens to huddle. Skope, Kenny, and Jess exited their vehicles and crowded around him. "I believe I have bought us more than enough time to figure out what we are really going to do to get out of this situation," Nome informed them.

"You mean you don't really intend to go along with the race?" Skope asked.

Nome shook his head. "I simply used it as an excuse for them to give us the night to strategize. I feel positive that we will discover a way to resolve this situation before their weapons specialist returns!"


	12. THE GREAT UN-ESCAPE

Minutes passed. The Greens continued to sit around their Warthog. Meanwhile, Ryan returned with a Mongoose and tent, and the Yellows started setting up their camp.

"We still haven't thought of anything yet!" Skope said frantically, glancing around.

"We still have a large amount of time remaining, most of the night as a matter of fact." Nome informed. "I am confident we can formulate a plan in that time."

"The Yellows don't suspect that were bullshitting them, do they?" Kenny asked.

Nome glanced up and over the Warthog's front wheels.

"All appears well," He replied. "It would seem our adversaries know nothing of the sort."

"I guess I should take that as a "no," then," Said Kenny.

Skope grumbled: "Except for that one dude…what's his name?"

"You mean the Commander guy?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah."

"Alexander MacArthur Patton," Nome answered. "That was the designation on his name tag."

"Right, Patton," Skope continued. "Nome, Patton's been staring at you ever since we started camping."

All of the Greens turned to look at Patton, who was sitting in a lawn chair next to his Warthog and glaring at Nome through his visor, shotgun in hand. "I'm watching you, Medic!" he shouted at Nome.

"Not too fond of you, is he, Nome?" Jess asked as the Greens kneeled back down.

"Yeah, what the hell is up with that?" Skope wondered.

"I do not know...but I have a strange feeling that I have seen him somewhere before." Nome said quietly.

"Could just be that he's a Yellow and we're Greens." Kenny suggested.

"A possibility." Nome replied, thinking. "But his hatred is not of any importance right now. His vigilance is. If any one of the Yellows suspects us of fabrication, it is most certainly him," Nome postulated.

"We should move to the other side of the Warthog, where he can't watch you like that," Skope suggested.

"That is the best option," Nome confirmed as he got up and then took a position behind the Green's Warthog. The other three joined him seconds later.

"So, now what are we going to do?" Jess asked.

"We will have to escape somehow, when they are not paying attention," Nome replied.

Skope looked at Patton again and then shook his head. "It doesn't look like Patton intends to take his eyes off Nome anytime soon."

Nome laughed. "I assure you, he cannot retain his composure forever."

"If that means staying awake, then neither can we," Skope countered. He proceeded to yawn massively.

"Aw, I'm already getting tired," Kenny complained, slumping.

At length, Nome lectured: "If we are to solve our dilemma, than we must outlast Patton in his fight to stay awake. When he nods off, that will be our chance to escape." Nome got up and inched his head slowly over the top of the Warthog.

Patton was still leering at him. "I'm still watching you, Medic!" he shouted.

Nome ducked down again.

"This is going to be a _very_ long night," Kenny groaned.

The Greens waited patiently and desperately. The remaining light from the sky faded, and the stars became acutely visible, millions of glowing pinpricks of light littering the sky, augmented by X-B-0-X-L-1-V's three moons; Hallowares, T-5-D-O, and FarReach. A full hour came and went. And then, finally, the Greens heard what they had been waiting so patiently for…the sound of snoring, coming from Patton's direction.

Skope risked another look over the top of the Warthog. A moment later, he whispered: "I think he's finally asleep!"

"How can you tell?" Jess asked. Then she listened, and she answered her own question. At first she thought she was hearing the sound of a really obese person's jeans ripping…over and over again. But as she paid more attention, she could decipher it as the sound of snoring. "Yeah, now I hear it. He's _got_ to be asleep."

As if to prove her correct, Patton made a mumbling noise, snorted, and muttered "Take it easy, Kate, there's more than enough for you and Hester..."

"This is our moment," Nome stated, rising to his feet. "We must leave now, while we have the chance!"

Jess shook Kenny, who was also asleep. "Kenny, Kenny. Wake up!" She elbowed the sleeping soldier in the stomach, one of the places his armor didn't cover.

Kenny groaned and awoke with a start. "The mushroom people are coming…oh, God…the mushroom people are coming. No hope…this is our last stand. The mushroom people won't take us alive, yaaa!" He shot upright while yelling a battle cry. He stopped when he realized there were no mushroom people. "Oh, I was dreaming. Sorry about that, guys," he said loudly.

"Shut up!" said Skope forcefully, clamping his hands across Kenny's helmet. "You'll wake up Patton!"

"Patton's asleep?" Kenny groggily asked, looking around.

"Yes!" Skope growled. "We have to go, now!"

Skope let Kenny go, and everyone got into their vehicles. Skope started the Warthog's engine as quietly as possible, while Nome did the same for the Mongoose. "Everyone evacuate on the count of three," Nome stated. "Zero, one…"

"Wait, why are you starting at zero?" Skope interrupted.

Nome paused. "Why would I not?"

"You're supposed to go by counting numbers," Skope informed. "That means you start at one, not zero."

Nome shook his head. "But that means you would start when one second has already past. That would not make any sense."

"Why does this matter?" Jess asked in annoyance. "Let's just go!"

"That is an unsound idea," countered Nome. "If we do not leave simultaneously, that will give the Yellows one more split second to prepare to go after us, and that will decrease our probability of escape exponentially for every second after that."

Jess let out a sigh. "Ok, fine! Just get it over with."

Nome nodded. "I shall count, and thereby do so properly. On the count of three. Zero….One….two…..three!"

The two vehicles accelerated to full velocity. In seconds, they had left the Yellows behind. Skope was sure of their escape, and started to shout in excitement and victory…until he saw a trail of fire soar through the sky, arcing gracefully into their path and heard the roar of burning propellant.

"Rocket!" he shouted. He swung away, the Mongoose going in the opposite direction.

The rocket impacted right before the two vehicles, and the force of the explosion caused both to flip over backwards. The Mongoose somersaulted twice before Nome and Kenny fell out of it. Their shields absorbed the impact, but their ride sailed beyond their reach, bouncing across the landscape like a high velocity pillow on a bed spread. The Warthog came to a stop upside down. Skope and Jess shimmied out from under it. "Thank God for energy shields," Skope remarked, dusting himself off. "If we hadn't had ours activated when that happened, we would've become a stain!"

"You still might!" a voice shouted from behind them. The Greens turned to find the Yellow's weapons specialist, the one called Hobar, holding them up with this rocket launcher.

"Excellent job, Hobar!" Patton called from his perch on his lawn chair. He laughed at the Greens. "You actually thought I was asleep, didn't you? Ha, that snore trick fools 'em every time."

"They tricked us!" Nome shouted angrily, rising to his knees. "I should have anticipated this!"

"I knew you'd try to run, so I had Hobar waiting along the path for you," Patton explained proudly. "Let that be a lesson for you, the next time you decide to back out of our little agreement."

Skope kicked the Warthog in frustration and growled. "We were so close!"

"I apologize," Nome said slowly. "I did not anticipate the large amount of negative luck we have encountered."

"Now what're we gonna do?" Kenny asked.

"We now have no choice but to follow through with the race," Nome explained. "In the morning, it will commence, and then we must triumph within it or we will lose our vehicles."


	13. THE MONGOOSE RACE

Ten hours later, the morning sun bathed the canyon surroundings in comforting light. Skope went out to retrieve the Mongoose while Nome, Kenny, and Jess attempted to push the Warthog right side up. At first it wouldn't budge, but when all three of them heaved at the same time it gave way in a shower of dirt and they were able to upright it. Skope by this time had returned with the Mongoose.

"It's pretty beat up from the explosion last night, but it should at least last the race," Skope reported as he dismounted. "So then, how's the Warthog?"

"Is sitting upside down for ten hours good for a vehicle?" Kenny asked.

Nome began to lecture: "Well, as long as the tanks carrying its internal fluids were not damaged, and the machinery of the engine was not harmed by the trauma of the explosion, and the wheels and drive train are still intact-"

"He means it's fine," Jess finished for him.

They drove the vehicles over to the Yellows, who were waiting for them at their base entrance, some less patiently then others.

"About damn time!" Ryan whined, glowering through his visor. "Took 'em long enough!"

Nome approached Patton. "We shall race along the path of a figure eight, with the center of the path being the small pond, the opposite end of the track being our base entrance, and the end of the path being back here, at your base entrance. Whoever returns here first wins the race," he said.

Patton thought a moment. "I have absolutely no idea why you think you are the one to call the terms, Medic, but it actually sounds good enough to me." He turned to enter his own Mongoose. "But we get to have a passenger along for the ride. Stone, you take the gunner seat."

Nome nodded at Skope. "Lieutenant, you are our designated marksman, and so you should take our gunner's seat. I shall drive." Skope nodded and took position in the seat behind Nome.

As Patton got into the driver's seat of his Mongoose, Clair called to him: "Good luck, boss! I know you'll win!"

"Yeah, kick their asses!" Amber joined in, pumping her fist.

Patton saluted to both of them before starting the Mongoose's motor.

"What, no encouragement for us?" Skope cried indignantly, looking at his team. Kenny and Jess exchanged a look, then shrugged. Skope growled and turned away from them.

Ryan gasped without warning. "Shit, I forgot popcorn! Be right back, guys!" He sprinted back into the base.

"Does he eat anything _but_ popcorn?" Amber wondered aloud, glancing at Clair, who shrugged.

In his seat, Nome turned to face Patton. "I believe it to be prudent that we begin on the count of three."

"Oh, please, not that again!" Skope groaned, face palming. "Let's just get this over with!"

Patton exclaimed: "I think gettin' this over with is an excellent idea! One-two-three!" He gunned the throttle and zoomed into the distance, leaving Nome and Skope in a cloud of dust. As they roared off, Amber thumbed her nose at the two Greens through her helmet.

Nome hit the accelerator, and within several seconds had nearly caught up with Patton's Mongoose, as the Yellows had just entered the first curve of the race. "Lieutenant, I need you to toss a fragmentation grenade under their Mongoose," Nome informed Skope. "That should slow them down extensively."

"Can you get me closer?" Skope asked.

Nome nodded. "I will attempt to." As they continued to near the Yellow's Mongoose, Amber turned back around and marksman rifle fire assaulted them. Nome swerved, trying not to get hit while Skope provided cover fire against Amber. Nome came around on the other side, and finally managed to pull up to Patton.

Patton greeted them with his usual downgrading dialogue: "Why, hello, Medic! I hope you're ready to lose your Warthog, because you're gonna lose this race!" Mentally, Patton kicked himself for not coming up with something smarter to say. But, then again, he rationalized, he _was_ also driving a Mongoose at the time.

"You wish!" Skope shouted as he tossed a frag grenade under Patton's Mongoose. Two seconds later, it went off, and the Yellow's vehicle flipped over, sending the two soldiers on board into the grass. Skope pumped his fist in the air. "Yeah, this race is ours! Suck it, Yellows!"

"Excellent work, Skope!" Nome commended. Their victory was short lived, however. Nome was so focused on the fact that they were doing well that he missed the first turn and instead drove the ATV straight between two large boulders, where it became stuck between the sides and stopped moving. The force of the impact was enough to throw Skope straight off his seat and into Nome.

"Nome, what are you doing?" Skope shouted as he pried himself free.

Nome tried to back out, but failed. The Mongoose was completely stuck. "It would seem I became distracted, and missed the turn," he reported calmly.

"Gee, you think!" Skope shouted sarcastically, reaching down to retrieve the weapons he'd lost in the crash.

Nome continued: "I was observing our opponents when I should have been doing the same for our surroundings. I apologize."

Skope let out an annoyed growl. "These are the only two large boulders in the entire canyon close enough for us to get stuck between them…and guess what? You got us stuck between them. Who the hell told you that you could drive?" he slapped the back of Nome's helmet.

Nome was still having no success getting the Mongoose unstuck, and sat back to think the situation over.

Meanwhile, Patton and Amber were having similar luck trying to get their Mongoose upright. Every time they gave it a roll, it landed upside down.

"I'll need you to stand on the other side and hold it while I push on this side," Patton ordered Amber. "I think if we both get on either side, we can force it to stay upright."

Amber went to the opposite side. "I'll pull, you push."

Patton nodded. They heaved, and for a moment it seemed as though the resilient vehicle might stay upright, but a second later it unbalanced and flopped upside down again, as if on its own accord. Patton grunted. "I'll try using grenades," he suggested out loud to himself. "The force of the explosion might cause it to flip upright."

Instinctively, Amber stood back. Patton chucked a frag at the Mongoose, then did the same, sliding to rest beside Amber. An instant later, the grenade went off, and the Mongoose went shooting into the air. Both Yellows watched as the literal getaway vehicle sailed through the air, slammed to earth and bounced up again, bounced once more, and finally landed back on the ground, several meters back on the path. It was still upside down.

Patton let out a frustrated battle cry and kicked the ground, gouging up a mass of sod that he sent flying. "Damn! I had no idea Mongooses were this damn stubborn! I hope the Greens're having just as much trouble as we are!"

Nome and Skope had exited the Mongoose. Skope watched while Nome hit the rock holding the Mongoose in alternating places with his left hand. " _What_ are you doing now?" he asked.

"Have you ever heard of the shatterpoint technique?" Nome asked in response.

"No, not real- Wait, isn't that the ability Mace Windu had in Star Wars that let him break stuff with a single blow by hitting in just the right place to make it shatter?"

"Indeed," Nome replied while nodding. "As well as to see where to strike to cause a situation to unfold as he wanted it to. That is what I am attempting to perform here, to free the Mongoose."

"Is it working?"

Nome smacked the rock a few more times before replying: "No." He sighed. "A pity. I used to be able to do it, but I have fallen out of practice. Do you have any ideas? I have expended all of mine."

In his sheer frustration, Skope ran to the Mongoose and brutally kicked it, his foot making a giant WHACK as it connected. To his surprise, the vehicle slid out from between the boulders in a shower of pebbles. "That worked? _Really?_ "

Nome nodded satisfactorily. "Exactly as I had perceived. It just needed a good smack."

Skope got on the gunner's seat. "Congratulate later, let's go!"

Nome gleefully took the wheel. "We have at last encountered some positive luck! We can still perhaps achieve victory in this race!"

"Stop talking and just get us the hell back to the Yellow's base entrance!" Skope shouted.

Nome stepped on the accelerator, and they sped up to full velocity. Seconds later they came upon the small lake. Nome decided to speed directly through it instead of going around, remembering that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. As they entered the lake, they slowed to a stop and the water level came half a meter closer. Skope looked down to see that his feet, and the lower half of the Mongoose, were immersed in muddy brown water. The bottom of the lake was soft, and the Mongoose, weighted down by the full combined tonnage of the two armored soldiers, had sunk a good half meter into it.

"We've sunk, haven't we!" Skope screamed. "God, Nome, what is with you?"

Nome sighed. "I again apologize. Had we passed through the lake successfully, we would have gained much distance in little time."

Meanwhile, the Yellows were still trying to flip their own Mongoose upright. "One, two, three, heave!" Patton shouted. He and Amber both pushed on it from one side, and the Mongoose rolled back onto its top. "Who in the hell designed this godforsaken vehicle!" he exclaimed. "I wanna ring their skinny neck!"

"It's almost like it doesn't want us to ride it." Amber remarked. "Like it's...alive, or something. Creepy."

"Oh bloody fuck!" Patton shouted as he pounded the Mongoose with a fist. It rolled onto its wheels and stayed there. "Oh, sure, of course _that_ worked!" Patton said sarcastically, throwing up his hands in frustration. "I don't understand, but I'm _not_ complaining. Amber, let's go! We've got a race to win!"

Both Yellows quickly boarded the Mongoose and sped off.

The Greens were still stuck in the pond. "Great. Now we're stuck _again_. At least nothing else could go wrong, right?" Skope commented.

That was when the Yellows approached them.

"Oh, of _course_ I spoke too soon!" spat the sniper.

As the Yellows got nearer, Patton shouted over to the Greens: "Miss me, Medic? Your luck is over!" Patton had no sooner finished his sentence (and started screaming a war cry) when his Mongoose entered the lake, at full speed, and became stuck right next to the Greens. The momentum of the vehicle was transferred to its riders, and Patton was violently flipped back-first over the handlebars and into the lake, performing a rather impressive back flop and sinking. Amber was slightly luckier, and was only thrown into the front seat.

"Welcome to the party, mofos!" Skope shouted at them. "Gee, I haven't seen you guys in almost three minutes!"

"We're sunk next to each other, aren't we?" Amber questioned.

Nome nodded. "The luck we are all having within this race is something of a marvel."

Patton, who had extracted himself from the lake, and was now covered from head to toe in mud, released a furious bellow. "This is STUPID!"

"So...how do we decide who wins if no one completes the race?" Amber asked.

"You should know that my vehicles rightly belong to the Green Army," Nome informed Patton. "You have no right to take them, even if by some technicality you do triumph within this race."

"The same goes for the Yellow Army," Patton said as he wiped his visor clean. He pulled his shotgun off his back. "You touch either of my vehicles, and Lucy'll have you so full o' lead you'll be able to run a scrap drive!"

Nome shook his head. "That will only happen if one side loses, and we are still technically in a tie!"

Patton climbed back into his Mongoose, sitting down in front of Amber. He let out a growl and hit the accelerator. In response, the vehicle sunk a few more centimeters into the lake. Patton let out a louder growl and pounded on the control panel in frustration. "This whole fucking race has gone to hell!"

"Is this whole thing _really_ gonna end in a tie?" Amber asked sadly while shaking her head.

"Unless one of us gets free," Skope responded. Amber's question had been rhetorical, but Skope's response didn't seem to make her mind. He continued a moment later: "But then, even _if_ one of us got free, something else would probably go wrong."

That was when a rocket landed between both Mongooses, sending them flying out of the lake and spraying the four soldiers with water and mud. The ATVs landed on opposite sides of the lake, on dry land.

"What the hell is it now?" Patton said with annoyance, wiping his visor again. "At least our vehicles are free, but-"

"There they are. ATTACK!" Shrieked a heliumly high-pitched voice.

"Who was that?" Skope asked as he looked in all directions.

Nome spotted the intruders first. "It is the Blue Army," he informed. "They have taken advantage of our situation to ambush us!"

Sure enough, coming down from the eastern canyon wall were several Falcons carrying blue-clad troops. A large group of infantry followed, accompanied by a small group of vehicles.

"We're gonna need Hobar's rocket launcher to deal with this many enemies," Patton shouted. "Amber, I'm taken' us back to base."

"Nome, we should follow them," Skope suggested. "This is no longer about our vehicles. It's about our lives. We need to warn Kenny and Jess ASAP!" They drove after Patton, running over a stray Blue in the process.


	14. TRUCE

As the Green's and Yellow's Mongooses sped towards the Yellow Base entrance structure, a small army of Blues in Mongooses followed in close pursuit, throwing up a cloud of dust that obscured the scenery behind them. There were six Blue Mongooses in total, and all of them had gunners riding on back, wielding an impressive array of weapons. One of those gunners launched a rocket at the Greens, but it was intercepted by another Blue Mongoose, the driver of which wasn't paying attention. The ATV was consumed by the ensuing fireball, and the remaining Blues drove through the explosion, not even flinching. There was, after all, a reason friendly fire had become known as "blue on blue" to the rest of the armies.

"Amber, keep those Blue bastards off our tail!" Patton ordered, slewing his own Mongoose around to avoid a stream of Assault Rifle fire that blew chunks of dirt up all around their Mongoose's wheels.

"Working on it, boss," Amber replied. She fired her marksman rifle one handed at a front wheel of a Blue's Mongoose. From what she could tell, it was a hit. The vehicle's traction was disrupted, and the Mongoose swerved, but a moment later the driver regained full control and continued to speed after them with determination. "But we're sitting ducks out here! We need to get to base now!"

"Well, _I'm_ workin' on it!" Patton spat back. He glanced up, straight ahead, to see the entrance structure was now right in front of them. He began to slow to a stop, sending the Mongoose into a skid to bleed off momentum. "Finally!"

Ryan and Clair ran out of the base and over to him, rocket launcher raised. "Boss, is that an army of Blues behind you? You've got one hell of a knack for attracting enemies. First the Greens, and now-"

"Hobar, Sinclair, get into base now. We don't have time to waste."

Ryan and Clair glanced over their CO's shoulders towards the approaching mass of Blues.

"Let's go!" Clair decided.

The Greens pulled up behind Patton, and as they did so Amber noticed them.

"What about the Greens? Where will they go?" she asked.

"Leave them out here." Patton ordered loudly. "They're Greens, so I don't care. Maybe the Blues will do our job for us. Just move!"

"Sounds fine to me." Amber decided, sprinting from the ATV towards the open door of the base.

"C'mon, let's get outta here!" Ryan cried to Clair, who was still staring at the Blues. Patton glanced back over his shoulder, noticing the Blues were still coming fast.

"Ryan, lay down some cover fire!" he howled. The Yellow heavy weapons specialist nodded, and yanked something off his back; an M312 Individual Grenade Launcher. Ryan raised the tube up and fired, propelling a 40mm grenade towards the approaching Blues. Tracking it visually, he hit the trigger again, manually detonating the explosive. The grenade let off a quick burst of energy, including an electromagnetic pulse. Most of the Blue's Mongooses stalled, engines shut down by the blast. The Yellows took advantage of this and ran faster.

Before they could get to their base, however, Kenny ran over. "Wait, you're just gonna abandon us? That's not cool, dude!" He shouted.

"Outta my way, Green!" Patton shouted at Kenny as he shoved him out of the way and continued running towards the base with the other three Yellows hurrying close behind him. As the Yellows were about to enter the structure, a Falcon rose up from behind it. "Excellent, Sinclair," Patton commended, slipping his shotgun under his armpit so he could clap his hands together. "You brought the Falcon so we can deal some _real_ damage!" He turned to find Clair standing next to him and staring at him. "Wait, if you're not in control of that Falcon then who…" Realization dawned on Patton's adrenaline-addled brain. " _Oh._ "

"Suck it, Yellows!" a heliumly high voice shouted at them from the pilot seat. A single long noise, which may have been a laugh, followed for a full thirty seconds.

The aircraft turned to give one of its gunners a clear shot. Patton heard fast footsteps behind him and turned to find Nome running at him. "Medic, what're you-" Nome ran straight past him and used his momentum to propel himself two meters or so up the structure's wall with his feet, armored boots gouging large chunks of stone as he rose. As he reached the apex of his climb, he threw a fragmentation grenade towards the enemy Falcon, before succumbing to gravity's pull. With his extra height, Nome was able to toss the grenade directly into the gunner's compartment. It bounced off of the head of the turret gunner and rolled into the pilot's cockpit through the connecting passage. It came to rest by the pilot's feet, jamming one of the rudder pedals.

The pilot realized he couldn't make the Falcon turn to the right, and looked down to find out the problem. Noticing the grenade, he muttered: "Now, how the hell did this get here-" and then the cockpit exploded. The rest of the Falcon, with no controls to keep it aloft, plummeted tail-first behind the entrance structure and landed with a crunch and a moderate-sized explosion.

Patton looked at Nome. " _Damn_ , medic, that was pretty impressive! How'd you learn to do that? I don't suppose you'd want to join my army, would ya?" he paused for a moment, realizing what he said. "Uh...I take that back. Never mind. No offer."

Nome shook his head. "Nor would I be interested in joining had it been viable." He said. "Although, I do have a proposition."

Patton crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, another one? I sure hope it's better than you're last one!"

"Solid copy on that, sir!" Clair called out from near the wall. Patton nodded in appreciation to her before turning back to Nome.

"I believe it to be," Nome responded. "We are both outnumbered by our common enemy, are we not?"

Patton glanced at the six enemy Mongooses that were still approaching, having been slightly stalled by Ryan shooting another 40mm grenade into their lines, and shrugged. "I guess that's one way to say it."

Nome continued: "And if we do not do something about it, we will all end up very dead."

"Something we actually agree on." Patton muttered to himself. "And you have something that would keep us from ending up that way?" he said to Nome.

Nome nodded pleasantly and laced his fingers together. "Mmmmm, indeed."

Patton waited as patiently as he was capable of, which (due to the adrenaline in his veins and the current situation) was all of four seconds. "And that would be…?"

"An alliance between our two forces." Nome replied simply.

"What?" Amber asked, astonished. "He must've lost his mind!"

"If he ever had one!" retorted Ryan, turning away from the Blues to deliver the insult.

"Actually, I kind of like the idea," commented Patton, stroking the bottom of his helmet.

"Boss, are you serious?" Clair asked, glancing at her CO. The group around her could almost hear her brain running through its medical training, looking for some mental ailment to explain Patton's sudden change of mood.

Patton thought for a moment, and then said: "Well, we can't really kill each other if the Blues are causing a problem, now can we? So, we deal with them first and _then_ focus on killing each other. It makes perfect tactical sense."

"Yeah, that makes more sense," Ryan remarked.

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Amber added.

"Works for me," Kenny said, hefting his flamethrower. "Now let's kick some ass!"

"Oh, yeah!" shouted a high pitched voice.

Everyone turned to see that the other five Mongooses that had been chasing them were now watching them from several meters away, their drivers having taken advantage of the two team's distraction to advance.

"Now we can all kill the Blues!" the driver that had shouted before continued. Several of his fellows joined in, shouting their agreement.

His passenger tapped him on the shoulder. "Um, I think _we're_ Blues."

The driver thought to himself. "Hmm, really? I would never have guessed." He glanced down at his arms. "Oh, maybe _that's_ why we're wearing blue colored armor."

Patton patted Ryan on the shoulder. "Hobar, your rocket launcher."

Ryan handed him the launcher without hesitation. "Have fun, boss." He said, patting the weapon's ammo tubes.

"I intend to," said Patton as he aimed at the center Mongoose and fired. Two rockets and five less Mongooses later, Patton handed the launcher back to Ryan. "You were right, that _was_ fun!" he said.

"So guys, what now?" Skope asked, surveying the mass of destroyed Blue vehicles.

"It looks like we've still got a lot more Blues to go through," answered Kenny. He pointed, and Skope followed his gaze. Ahead of the entrance structure, an army of Blues was advancing. Mongooses and Warthogs, backed up by infantry and a couple Falcons in the sky. This time, the cloud from the approaching force was so large that it was visible from space, and was picked up by both Green and Yellow tactical satellites orbiting overhead.

"It looks like what we took out so far was just the advance party." Nome concluded calmly.

"I'm real glad we now have the Yellows on our side," Skope said nervously, gripping his DMR.

"Temporarily," Patton shouted at him, jabbing his finger for emphasis. "This little pretty pony friendship of ours ain't gonna last for long, so don't get too attached!"

"I'm not going to," Skope snapped back at him.

"Good." Patton concluded.

Jess eyed the approaching Blue Army. "This could be one hell of a fight, even though it's Blues that we're up against." She said, joining the conversation after a good while staying quiet.

Patton silently nodded in agreement.

"Hobar, go get more ammunition, and some heavy weapons to go along with," He ordered to Ryan. "With this many enemies, we're gonna need to keep well stocked."

Ryan nodded and went into the structure.

While Ryan went to retrieve ammunition, Amber climbed up the external ramp to the structure's roof and took a spot in the lookout bunker. "I'll provide cover fire, boss." She called down. As she did, she heard shuffling behind her and looked to see Skope shimmying in behind her. She stared at him.

"What?" he asked, holding his palms up in a gesture of confusion. "I'm a sniper too!"

She sighed. "Fine, take this." She handed him a marksman rifle. "You'll have to use that until Ryan gets back with more weapons."

"No need," he replied. "I've got my own." He pulled his own DMR off his back and armed it. Amber grunted and quickly placed the rifle on her back.

Back on the ground, Nome took out his pistol and loaded a single round into it, flipping the safety off as he did.

"Is that all you're gonna use?" Kenny asked incredulously, looking at the sidearm.

"Indeed," Nome replied. "The greatest feats are always performed with the least powerful weaponry…or did you not know?" he added, noticing Kenny's load-out was all high powered weaponry.

Kenny shook his head. "Yeah, well, I'm just gonna keep my trusty flamethrower handy!" He let out a laugh and lit the mentioned weapon.

Nome shrugged. "Whatever suits you best."

By now the Blue Army had nearly reached the Yellow Base entrance structure. The sound of the motors of the approaching vehicles became thunderously loud, and the very ground trembled.

"This is it!" howled Patton as he finished polishing and reloading his shotgun. "Today we fight the largest battle that you have all yet fought. Well, I can't say anything for our _friends_ , but I know that at least I have been in much larger ones, and none of you have had any _real_ combat experience, so for all of you this should be a useful experience. Those on my army…let's kick some Blue Ass! And as for those of you on the Green Army…try not to suck too badly."

"Hey!" shouted Kenny angrily.

Patton cocked his shotgun. "Now let 'em have it!"


	15. BRIAN

Ryan returned a few moments later with another sniper rifle for Skope, as well as a crate of rockets and another crate containing ammo for all types of guns. Strapped onto his back were several spare rocket launchers and a machine gun turret.

"Well, aren't we the ammo-indulgent one today!" Patton remarked as he eyed the crate filled with rockets.

"What?" Ryan shrugged, depositing his load with a grunt. "Lots of enemies coming, lots of ammo for taken 'em on. Simple problem, simple solution."

Patton looked yonder and nodded back at Ryan. "True. And of course, the time for takin' 'em on is right at our doorstep." He cocked his shotgun again and laughed softly to himself. "Oh, this is gonna be _fun!_ I ain't dealt with a group this big since Green Day!"

Ryan glanced at his CO, wondering if he'd heard right. Then he shrugged and went back to unloading more ammo.

The advancing Blue Army reached the Yellow's base entrance structure. Their first real assault consisted of more Mongooses plus several Warthogs. Skope and Amber, from their safe perch in the lookout bunker, let loose with their sniper rifles, sowing the Blue horde with armor piercing, fin stabilized, discarding sabot death. Skope was the first to score a hit, the passenger of a Warthog. Amber followed with two in the next five seconds, a Mongoose driver and then his gunner, both with a single 14.5mm round.

"Nice work," Skope commented, pausing to eject an empty casing from the chamber.

"Two to one, my lead," Amber responded, slamming a fresh magazine into her own rifle's receiver.

Skope aimed and fired at the Warthog's gunner. It was a direct hit, the shot Blue's body flopped onto the ground, while the driver continued on, oblivious to the fact that he was now only driving himself, a fact probably attributed to the loud pop music he had playing on his radio.

"Two for two, a tie," Skope said proudly, reloading as well.

"Not for long!" Amber grumbled, refocusing and increasing the magnification on her scope.

The gunnerless and passengerless Warthog sped past Nome. On instinct, Nome sprinted behind it until it stopped beside another Blue, who was motioning that he wanted to tell the driver something. The second Blue explained to the driver in rhyming verse (in time to the music coming from his radio, and with many, many hand motions) that he did not have a gunner. The driver noticed the empty turret, then nodded at the Blue, who began walking over to the mounted anti-aircraft gun. Before the Blue could get on, both he and the new gunner noticed Nome. They stared at Nome fearfully until he pointed at them with his pistol, then started laughing when they looked at the empty receiver and realized his gun had only one round in it.

"He's only got one bullet," giggled the driver. "Our shields can withstand that."

"One hit, but not two," replied Nome calmly and collectedly.

The two Blues looked at each other, then started laughing even harder. The second laughed so hard he almost fell out of the turret. Nome aimed carefully, and fired the round. The bullet hit the driver's energy shield, and because of Nome's careful aiming and knowledge of energy shield systems, bounced off of it, and hit the other Blue's shield, which reflected it back at the driver. The driver's shield had been weakened by the first hit, and when the bullet impacted him a second time, this time at his head, it sailed right through what was left of his shield, the weak section of his helmet, and into his skull.

As the driver fell lifeless out of his seat, the second Blue glanced at him, then turned to face Nome. "What now, huh, Green? You've got no more bulle-" The Green wasn't there. "Huh? Where'd he go?" The Blue looked in every direction, confused. "Helloooo-" A green colored fist obscured his vision, and all went black.

Nome walked around the two bodies and entered the driver's seat of the Warthog. "Mmm, this vehicle is in mint condition," Nome mumbled pleasantly as he ran his hands along the control panel. "This will be most useful." He loaded another round into his pistol and slid the gun into the integrated holster on his right thigh. After admiring the newness of the Warthog, adjusting something in the seat and turning off the radio, he hit the accelerator and sped back to the battle.

By this time, nearly the entire first wave had been dealt with. Skope and Amber had taken care of the Mongooses, blowing the drivers and gunners clean off with impressive shots, while Patton and Ryan had wrecked five Warthogs. With his rocket launcher, Ryan had blown up two of them, while Patton had run up and shotgunned the inhabitants out of the other three that had slowed down to avoid the wreckage of their fellows. With his flamethrower, Kenny was helping by setting the infantry on fire and igniting the remains of the Warthog's. Disturbingly exited laughing radiated throughout the canyon as Kenny lit up squad after squad. Clair was intending to provide support fire for Kenny with her assault rifle, but it was clear that he hardly needed it. Instead, she settled for running rocket and shotgun reloads to Ryan and Patton and raining fire on the remaining Blues with the turret when she wasn't needed. Through all the action, Jess was hiding behind the Green's Warthog and talking to Kelly, occasionally firing with her pistol at the few Blues that wandered too close.

"So, we're basically wiping out an entire Blue army who want to kill all of us for some reason. Skope is up on the roof alongside that other woman…I can't remember her name, but I think she's the yellow's sniper. Yeah. Well, Patton is just killing all the Warthogs with his shotgun, and Kenny is incinerating the ground troops with his flamethrower, and in my personal opinion I think he's having, like, _way_ too much fun. Honestly, I'm beginning to regret helping him build that thing. No respectably sane person enjoys setting people on fire this much…even if they're Blues. And I mean _really_ enjoy. I don't think he's ever been happier. Wait, hold on..."

She stopped talking as she saw Nome stop in front of her in his newly captured Warthog. Nome nodded at the turret, but Jess shook her head. "I think Kenny needs that job more than me. He's getting a little bit too excited with this flamethrower." She whispered, pointing at the Green heavy weapons officer.

Nome looked in Kenny's direction, noticed the swatch of burned destruction behind him, and remarked: "Ah, so that is where the laughing is coming from. Yes, he certainly could use a change in activity…before he becomes addicted to the act of literally inflaming people." Nome drove over to Kenny.

The weapon's specialist had just finished with another large group. He waved his flamethrower in the air to cool it down and keep it from overheating, then ejected the almost-empty fuel canister and slapped a new one in. When Nome pulled up beside him he took him a few seconds to notice, as he was heavily intent upon his weapon.

"Oh, hey, Nome! Is that a new Warthog? No, you stole that from the Blues, didn't you? Nice work!" he laughed again, pausing just long enough to launch a three-second burst at a Blue that looked like it might still be alive.

"Care for a turret?" Nome asked him.

Kenny looked at the turret and nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, hell yeah!" He hopped on.

"Ay, I'll have the passenger seat!" Clair shouted, dropping another load of ammo behind Patton.

"A Yellow in the passenger?" Kenny asked snidely, swinging the turret around to fire at a large group of Blues. "Isn't that against the rules?"

"Truce, remember?" Clair responded.

"Oh, yeah, if forg- I mean, of course!" Kenny replied hastily.

Clair climbed into the passenger seat.

"So then, where to?" Nome inquired politely.

"I took care of all the ground troops," Kenny replied. "That just leaves vehicles."

"I think I saw a tank going towards my base." Clair pointed out. "Let's go see how they're doing."

Atop the entrance structure, in the lookout bunker, Amber admired the wreckage that now made up the top layer of the ground around Yellow Base. Their elevated position gave them the perfect view to see all of it. "I've never seen this much broken crap in my whole life," she remarked, calmly screwing a fresh barrel into her sniper rifle. The intense rate of fire had clogged the interior of her first one with firing residue.

"Me neither," Skope replied, taking the time to slide more rounds into one of his magazines. "The Blues were dead serious about assaulting us. Or just dead." He laughed loudly at his own joke, hard enough he almost dropped his rifle.

Amber just stared at him as though she thought he was a retard.

Skope's laughing ended awkwardly as he realized how grossly out of proportion he had pushed his humor. He sighed, shrugged, and counted on his fingers for a moment. "Speaking of being dead, I've got twenty kills."

"Ha, I've got twenty two!" Amber exclaimed. "Suck it!"

Skope growled in disappointment and turned back to check on the rest of the battlefield. That was when he spied something approaching the base, a Scorpion Tank. Amber saw it as well and reached for her rifle, but Skope was faster. With lightning fast adrenaline and sugar enhanced reflexes (on account of the four energy drinks he'd had before the battle), he aimed at the tank and fired. The bullet flew through the turret gunner's head, then came out the other side and impacted the windshield of the drivers canopy, which shattered. It continued until it found its final destination inside the driver's skull. With no control, the entire tank came to a dead stop, engine cycling down.

Skope looked Amber straight in the visor. "With the gunner and pilot, that makes twenty-two. It's a tie game." He crossed his arms and smirked under his helmet.

Amber let out a cry of annoyance and punched the stone under her hard enough to dent it. "I'll win next time, you…Green colored person!"

"In your dreams!" Skope responded. He was about to pump his fist in the air when he heard the sound of rotors beating the air nearby. He looked outside again and saw a trio of Falcons approaching. "Oh come, on!" he howled. "Do they ever figure out when to quit?"

On the ground, Patton walked over to Ryan, who was aiming at the nearest Falcon with his rocket launcher. "It's time to give you a little practice on using that thing," Patton advised. "The last time you tried to take out a Falcon you got all whiny about it moving. Let me show how it's really done." He took the launcher from Ryan. "Without that fancy lock-on."

Ryan relinquished the launcher without complaint and watched attentively.

One of the Falcons was approaching them. Patton pointed the barrel upward and fired. The rocket sped far off to the left of the Falcon. A second later, he fired another rocket far right. Seeing the first rocket, the Falcon pilot dodged right…and moved straight into the path of the second rocket. The layer of metal debris on the ground became slightly thicker as the Falcon landed in hundreds of assorted pieces.

Patton turned to Ryan. "There, ya see that?" he asked. "That's how we did it back before the lock-on was given to the whole army."

Ryan nodded. "Nice shot, Boss." He commented.

By now, a second Falcon had noticed and was moving in their direction. Patton handed Ryan the launcher. "Now you can try it. It's easy!"

Just as Patton had done, Ryan fired the first rocket far left, and shortly after another one far right. The second Falcon took an instant longer to dodge than the first one, but just at the last moment it made right…and exploded.

Patton clapped Ryan on the back. "That's my rookie! Told you it was gonna be easy." He glanced back, noticing the last transport still airborne. "Now, let's see about that last one."

Ryan scanned the sky for the final Falcon. It was still a few tens of meters from them, and it hadn't moved any closer to them since the destruction of the first Falcon, the pilot holding it in hover. They ran closer to it, and Ryan aimed carefully. He didn't want to be too far left, but not too close to the center either… He fired. Instantly, the Falcon moved to the left. Caught unexpectedly, Ryan fired a second rocket even more left, but it was still too close to the first one, and the Falcon had more than enough time to avoid it. Both rockets soared beyond, before running out of propellant and detonating.

"It moved _left?_ " Patton asked himself, shocked. "Now, since when is a Blue smart enough to do that?"

After reloading, Ryan fired a third rocket at the Falcon, this time far right. But the Falcon pilot, unusually smart as he was, knew to move even more right. "It's no use," Ryan reported to Patton. "He's onto our strategy."

"So he is…" Patton said to himself while massaging the chin of his helmet. "Interesting...Command's gonna want to know about this."

The Falcon turned and began heading away from the Yellows, towards the top of the eastern canyon wall, where his base was. For a second it seemed to be getting away, and Patton was about to order Clair to tag it on radar when it was stopped by a rain of anti-aircraft rounds. Turret fire from Nome's Warthog, which had been advancing around the valley to get just that shot. It swerved back and forth, trying to get out of the stream of bullets, but had a difficult time; Kenny was putting the turrets rate of fire to good use. Ryan was given the chance to run and catch up to it. He quickly aimed at it and fired. The pilot was too distracted by the turret fire that it didn't see the rocket coming, and it impacted on the Falcon's side. The bodies of the two gunners fell off of the side, and one of the rotors caught on fire. The pilot tried for a few more seconds to keep the Falcon aloft, but soon had no choice but to set it down or spin out of control. He chose the former. Ryan and Patton sprinted to the Falcon's landing point while Nome, Clair, and Kenny sped there in the Warthog. They dismounted just as the Yellows showed up.

Patton cocked his shotgun loudly and banged on the cockpit window with it. The pilot slowly opened the canopy (due in part both to his fear of the group around him, and because the canopy was damaged from the crash) and climbed out of the cockpit. Shakily, he put his hands up. As he did so, Jess, Skope, and Amber rushed into the group, sliding to a stop behind their teammates.

"What's this, a still living Blue?" Amber inquired, sounding surprised. "This _has_ to be a first".

"I think he's surrendering," noted Clair.

"Excellent, a Blue prisoner," Patton said hungrily, rubbing his hands together. "This is one hell of a rare find. Blues almost never live long enough to be taken prisoner! _And_ considering what I just saw this little bastard do, it's even better!"

The Blue turned to face Ryan. "A-are you the guy who was shooting rockets at me?" the Blue asked timidly.

Ryan nodded, and was about to verbally reply, but Patton stopped him. "Don't engage it. Let me do the talking."

Ryan stepped back and instead focused on cleaning the rocket launcher.

"If it is information extraction that you seek, I may be of service," Nome offered, walking up to Patton.

Patton shook his head. "No, Green, your help is the last thing we need right now. The way you talk, most of the stuff you say goes over _my_ head, and he's a Blue, so how much of your talk to do you think he'll understand?"

"Ah, I beg to differ," countered Nome. He cleared his throat and asked the Blue politely: "Why did your army attack us?"

The Blue shot up and put his hand in the air, bouncing around in excitement. "I know, pick me, I know!"

Patton smacked him across the helmet, making it ring like a bell and twist to the side. "Just talk, Blue!"

Somewhat less enthusiastically, the Blue pulled his helmet back into position and answered: "We attacked you guys for revenge. After you killed most of the guys at our canyon base and the bridge, we wanted to get you guys back."

"So it was all about payback?" Ryan asked, pausing in his cleaning.

The Blue nodded. "Yeah-"

"Wait," Patton interrupted. "What bridge base?"

"The bridge base you guys destroyed, you meanies!" The Blue shouted.

Patton shook his head. "We never attacked any bridge base. Well, I don't remember attacking any. Any of you remember a bridge base?" he asked his team. The other Yellows shook their heads, He looked at Nome. "But I can't speak for the Greens-"

"We did not either," Nome stated. "I can vouch for us all."

"Well then, who?" Clair asked.

"Perhaps it was the same people who destroyed my base," Nome postulated.

"But that was the Yellows," Skope said. "That was the whole reason we came over here in the first-"

"For the last fucking time, we did not attack your damn base!" Patton bellowed, spinning to face Skope. Under his breath, he muttered to himself: "Though if it's causing this much trouble, maybe we should have."

"What was that?" Skope asked, hefting his sniper rifle.

"Nothing, nothing." Patton replied, though his tone showed he'd intended for Skope to hear it. "Now then, Blue, what's this about a bridge base?"

The Blue took a nervous breath, then continued. "Well, it's a base. On a bridge. Nice place, really. We'd just set up base there a couple months ago. Everything went well, till just yesterday evening. We lost contact with it, so we went to check it out. The whole place was trashed, everybody dead."

"Interesting," Nome commented. "This is exactly what happened to my base. It would seem that there are powerful forces afoot. I suggest investigation."

Patton nodded. "Medic, I'm with you on this one. Some mishap caused the whole fucking Blue Army to attack my base-" He paused to stare at the wreckage layer around his base entrance. "I mean, look at what they did to my lawn!" He crossed his arms. "We need to find the no good suckers behind this mess, and make them pay! Or at least clean this crap up..."

The rest of Patton's team shouted in agreement.

"So it is settled then," confirmed Nome, clasping his hands. "We shall conduct an investigation-"

"Who the hell said 'we?" interrupted Patton, swinging around angrily to look at the Green medic. "I'm done working with you. This battle's over, so the truce is done. You can go ahead and play gumshoe, but I've got more important stuff to do. Come on team." He turned to leave.

"Wait, what about the Blue?" Clair asked him, indicating the downed pilot.

Patton shrugged. "We'll take him with us and interrogate him further. He might not be able to tell us much, but we'll get something out of him. And I doubt the Greens want him." He added an edge into his voice at this last part, directed at the Greens.

Nome sighed. "If that is how you want to play it, Yellow Commander, then so be it. Come, teammates, we shall return to our base and prepare for our next move."

Nome and Kenny re-entered the Warthog while Skope and Jess retrieved the Mongoose from the lake. A moment later, they were off. Patton watched them go for a moment, grunted, then ordered: "All right, mount up and let's get out of here. We have some stuff to look into."

Ryan tapped him on the shoulder. "Uh, Boss...didn't you just say we have more important stuff to do instead of investigating?"

"Yes. But I lied." Patton replied simply.

"So, we're _not_ gonna use their help, even though they're doing the same thing we are?"

"They're _Greens_!"

"Good point."

Patton sighed in frustration and turned to the rest of his team. "Clair, you guard the Blue," he commanded, pointing his finger first at Clair, then the Blue.

The Blue cleared his throat. "I do have a name, you know." He said.

"Oh, and what's that?" Clair asked.

"Brian."

Patton cocked his shotgun at him. "And this is Lucy. Say hi to Lucy."

Clair sighed in disgust. "Boss, don't do that to him. I thought you said we wanted him alive!"

Patton shrugged. "What, I wasn't gonna shoot him. I was just playing around." He laughed, then to the Blue, he continued: "Anyways, Lucy is going to make sure you don't try anything. Don't fuck with Lucy. Now, march!"

With a grumble, Brian complied, trudging with his hands on his head back towards the Yellow's base, Patton and his team in tow.


	16. INTERROGATION

The Yellows took Brian at multiple gunpoint's into their base. As they progressed through the network of tunnels, Brian continually whined about the Yellows not being very nice to him and similarly related topics, forcing them to slow down as he tended to turn around and face them while whining. His forward walking speed was also quite a bit slower than everyone else, and at one point he stopped moving altogether, apparently thinking it was break time. Patton almost had to fire a warning shot at him, going so far as to eject the standard buckshot rounds from Lucy and load a single solid round to deliver a more devastating effect, but he started moving again just at the last second. After an excruciatingly prolonged time length of journey, they finally reached the warehouse.

As they made their way through the warehouse door, Brian complained once again: "You don't have to be so pushy, you know. I'm being totally cooperative with you!"

"Shut it!" Patton bellowed as he smacked Brain for the umpteenth time with his shotgun, an action which, surprisingly, he was getting tired of doing. "Just keep walking!"

Patton forced Brian to saunter into the center of the room, where he then had him wait while Ryan brought over a stool so that the Blue could have a seat while the Yellow's interrogated him.

Clair approached Brian, and, fulfilling her oath as a medic to provide aid and comfort whenever possible, whispered quietly to him: "Sorry about Patton. He's just excited about finally having a prisoner to interrogate."

Despite Clair's whispering, Patton was still able to easily overhear her through the audio boosting system in his helmet and he responded: "Damn right I am! God, you have no idea how exhilarating this is!" He laughed and pumped the air with his shotgun.

Amber approached Patton and Brian, and after eyeing Brian for a few seconds, she said to Patton: "Boss, no offense, but I think you're getting a bit too excited over this. We're just interrogating him, not subjecting him to anything. I think you need to calm down."

As Amber finished her sentence, Brian let out a loud gasp. "Wait, I know that voice!" he cried. "You're Amber Stone!" He slapped his hands together so hard he almost fell off the stool, and was only stopped by Ryan, who sprinted behind him and propped him back up.

Amber swiveled to face Brian with the reflexes of an expert sniper. "You know me? How?" she spat.

"I saw a whole squadron get sniped by you," Brian recanted excitedly. "You're super famous at my base. Legend has it that-"

"Your base has _legends_ about me?" Amber interrupted, apparently shocked.

"Amber inspired _legends_?" Patton burst out. He laughed so hard he had to press his hands to the front of his legs to keep from falling over, almost dropping Lucy in the process. "Oh, that's just too damn good! Is there no end to the hilarity of Blues?"

"Well, she _is_ a good sniper..." Ryan said quietly. Patton grunted and heaved himself upright again.

"Enough," Amber interjected. "What about these legends?" she pressed Brian.

Brian complied enthusiastically. "It is said that you can do super special awesome stuff with a sniper rifle, impossible things. Like the Double Reciprocating Triple Mind Blowing Melon Popping Ricochet Virgin Raper!"

Amber stepped back and thought for a moment, mentally running through all the attacks she had developed. "Is that the move I do sometimes where I shoot a round in the opposite direction from where I want it to go and then have it ricochet off of different stuff before it hits someone?"

Brian nodded enthusiastically, almost falling off the stool.

"And you named it _that?_ "

Brian nodded again. This time, he did fall off the stool. Patton quickly yanked him back up and sat him down roughly.

Amber turned from Brian and sighed. "I had no idea I was so popular." She said, scratching the back of her neck through her helmet seal. "I would be proud..."

She spun to face Brian, and had her visor been depolarized, her face would have been a mask of anger. "...If only all of my fans weren't Blues!" She howled. Brian screamed in shock and fell off the stool again. This time, Ryan pulled him back on.

"Hey, don't get yourself down over this," Clair said, walking up to Amber and patting her one the shoulder. "You are a damn good sniper, just like Ryan said, and of that you should be proud!"

"That you are!" agreed Ryan.

Patton cleared his throat for attention. "All right, enough talking. Now, we do some _real_ interrogation." He turned to Brian and cracked his knuckles slowly, a noise that sounded like the firing of a full clip from a .50 caliber handgun.

Brian gulped, and glanced to his sides. He gripped the stool under him hard enough to crack the wood of the seat, making Clair wince.

"Now then, that bridge base you mentioned earlier." Patton said slowly, putting his hands behind his back and leaning in towards Brian's helmet. "Tell us everything you know about it!" he roared.

Slowly and nervously, Brian replied: "Uh, it's a base, on a bridge, just like I said outside. It's uh, let's see...just east of your entrance structure. Yeah, that's right! 'To the east is a beast, so the west is best!' It's also pretty close to the base I came from, which is called Iota Base." He pointed at his chest. "I for Iota, that's me! Yeah, we're the base that just tried to kill you a few minutes ago. Sorry about that!"

"Wait, what the hell is he talking about?" Ryan wondered. "West is best? I for Iota? What is that supposed to mean?"

"I think...it's a Blue training rhyme." Clair answered. "A lot of them can't read, so they turned their rules of engagement into a series of rhymes."

"Ah."

"This Bridge Base is to the east, you say," said Patton, pacing and pretty much ignoring the entire conversation happening in the background. "Can you be a little more specific?"

"Yeah, sure!" Brian sat up, apparently no longer afraid. "Y'know the canyon wall? Well, on top of it there's flat ground, enough of it for a base, and just north of that there's another piece of flat ground."

Patton grumbled sarcastically: "This is all real interesting, but what does it have to do with the bridge base?"

"Well, the bridge base connects those two pieces of land." Brian replied. "Y'know, 'cause it's a bridge?"

Patton nodded. "Okay, how do we get there?"

Brian paused, thinking. He spun on the stool, and noticed the Falcon sitting behind him. He admired it for a small moment, then replied: "You could probably use that flying thing to just…I dunno…fly up there. That's how we go to it. I'll give you the coordinates."

"Alrighty, then. Finally we're getting somewhere!" said Patton. He raised his wrist to eye level and opened up his tacpad to enter in the information. "Coordinates, please." He said to Brian.

Brian pointed in a direction leading through the transparent window. "That way."

Patton took in a deep breath to keep his temper cool. Let it back out again. "You do know its coordinates, I hope!" he said, not as angrily as he could have.

Brian nodded. "That way. Just follow my finger."

"This is going to be more annoying than I thought," Patton grumbled to himself.

"As long as he knows where it is, he could just lead us there," Clair suggested. "It's better than going on nothing."

Patton nodded. "That's a pretty good idea, Clair." To Brian, he ordered: "You're going to lead us there."

Brian shook his head. "There's just a bunch of dead people there. I'd rather not go myself, if you don't mind."

Patton cracked his knuckles at the Blue again, which made him tense up. "You think I'm asking?" he growled. "I said _move_!"

The Blue shot up and off the stool. "Okay, dude, I'm moving!"

"Are you sure this is a good idea, boss?" Amber asked Patton, quietly. "Blues can be terrible with directions."

"Yeah, but he's also the only guy who knows where the bridge base is," Patton countered. "And we need to get there. That's why we need him." He looked for Brian, and found him staring at him playfully through the sight of a Falcon turret.

"I always wanted to play with one of these!" the Blue shouted enthusiastically. "Whoopeee!" He swung the turret back and forth.

Patton whipped out his shotgun with the ease of practice and aimed it straight at Brian. "Off. Now!" he ordered. Brian froze, scared stiff. Patton was trying to decide whether or not to risk shooting him when Ryan solved his problem for him.

"That's _my_ spot!" The weapons officer shouted at the Blue as he rushed over to the Falcon. He brutally pushed him off of the turret and into the crew bay.

Brian sat down in one of the passenger seats not near a turret and started to pout. "No one lets me play with anything here," he whined, placing his chin in his hands.

"Sometimes I really hate this job!" Patton muttered under his breath. To his team, he ordered; "Load up! We've got a Blue base to investigate. We. Are. _Oscar_. _Mike_!"


	17. RETURN

The sound of water sloshing surrounded the Greens as they slowly trudged along the shallow sandbar that led to the island with Nome's former base.

"Told you we should've ridden here," Kenny whined, holding his flamethrower over his head to make sure no water got into the delicate internal components.

"We need to keep a low profile," Nome countered. "Had we used vehicles, the sound of their engines would have tipped off the enemy…assuming that they still reside here." He added.

"But what about the sound of us sloshing through all this water?" Skope asked. "Wouldn't that tip them off?"

Nome shook his head. "They expect anyone coming to be using vehicles, and so any sounds we make while walking are far less likely to be noticed. Besides, I doubt that splashing would sound out of place this close to the ocean. There are marine animals in this area, after all."

As they reached the end of the sandbar and climbed onto the island, Kenny shook his feet to get them dry, despite that fact that they were sealed in vacuum-rated armor. "Glad that's over with. God, my armor is all wet now!" he whined.

"Don't forget about the return trip," Jess reminded him as she strode past, a slight hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Ah, right!" Kenny remembered. "Fuck!" He rested his attempt to get himself completely dry and hurried to catch up to the rest of his team, flamethrower clinking as the fuel in its tank slapped against the side.

A few tens of meters from them sat the entrance structure to Nome's former base. Its rounded exterior glinted in the afternoon sunlight, giving the building a peaceful quality.

"I assume this used to be your base," Skope remarked, stopping to admire the wall.

Nome nodded. "Yes, this is it. Here lie the final memories of the people I lived with. I will not forget them!" He clenched his fist.

"Why are we going back here again?" Jess asked as she deactivated the communications window in her HUD that she had been using to text Kelly during the short interval.

Skope let out an annoyed sigh and shot a glare at Jess. "I already told you three times on the way here!" he grumbled. "We need to find some clue as to who destroyed this base. It wasn't the Yellows, and it _definitely_ wasn't the Blues, so it has to be someone else."

"Indeed," Nome elaborated, still gazing at his base. "A terrible force, for the base to be destroyed in such a manner. I only barely made off with my life the last time I resided here." He paused and walked a meter or two around the building before coming to a stop. "Ah, the communications center is through this entrance." He called out. He led his team around to the door opposite the way they had come and motioned for them to follow him inside. Nome opened the door and the other three followed him inside. The interior was dark, but Nome flipped a switch on the wall and several small banks of lights came on, glowing with the soft warmth of emergency power systems. Apparently, the attackers had taken out the lights when they struck the base.

"So you don't know if the assailants are still here?" Jess asked with far more interest than her last question. She gripped her pistol, making sure the safety was off and the magazine was in. They were.

"That is correct," Nome replied, still incredibly calm.

"If they are, I'll make them wish they'd never come!" Kenny exclaimed as he brandished his flamethrower, sparking the igniter with the press of a button on the handle.

"Mmmmmmm," Nome thought out loud to himself. "Upon a second thought, I now doubt that the assailants still reside here. We have not yet been assaulted, yet when they were here upon my last stay they attacked me as soon as I entered the base. It is against what I know of their fighting style to wait like this. Therefore, I can safely assume that they have gone."

"Oh," Kenny said disappointingly. He extinguished the flamethrower. "Mother fucker..."

Jess let out a relieved sigh.

Nome ignored the comments and began to walk into the main room. "Now then, let us contin-"

A loud bang erupted from out of nowhere, filling the room with light and smoke. Nome fell back in shock and surprise, armor ringing with the blow and almost covering up the quieter noises of debris raining down.

"We're under attack!" Skope shouted, wrenching his DMR free. "Weapons free!"

Kenny whipped out his flamethrower. "Oh, yeah!" With a bellow, he released a massive burst, sending a literal wave of fire into the room. The air shimmered with heat, and the light from the flaming fuel illuminated the room. Before the light faded with the fire, Nome took a quick look around.

"Stop!" he shouted. "It is not an attack!"

Kenny extinguished his flamethrower. "Aw, come on! Why isn't there anything to burn here!"

"What happened?" Jess asked. "You just got blown on your ass! How is this not an attack? "

"I stepped on a trip mine," Nome explained, still calm as ever. "My shield took the impact, so do not worry." He slowly picked himself up off the ground, wiped some dust off his armor, and slid a small section that had come loose back into place with a _click_.

"A trip mine?" Skope asked, stunned. "Do you mind telling me why you were keeping activated trip mines _inside your base_?"

"For defensive purposes," Nome replied. "That is their intended use, after all. The assailants must have been careful enough not to trigger it when they destroyed the base. How ironic that I, a former occupant of this place, was not." He looked around, making sure there weren't any other trip mines around. "Now then, we were about to enter the main room and activate the code terminal."

"You seem pretty optimistic considering that you just stepped on a bomb," Skope stated, looking nervously at the floor. "By the way, what's a code terminal?"

"The terminal where I will enter a password that will allow us to enter the weapons development facility on the other side of the island, as its name suggests." Nome approached a wall, and as he did so, a secret compartment slid open to reveal a holographic screen and keyboard.

"Weapons development facility? You never said anything about _that_!" Skope exclaimed, shocked. The rest of the team echoed his sentiment, Kenny much more so than Jess.

"Mmmm, indeed," Nome explained, typing quickly on the keyboard. "The weapons facility, codenamed Avalanche Base, is our true destination upon this island. The genuine purpose of my former base was to oversee its operations, and provide a concealed entrance. In order for us to enter it, however, I must first set the codes here to open its entrance door. Currently, I am opening the routine to enter those codes."

"And you couldn't just make that the first thing that came up?" Jess wondered.

"Added security." Nome replied. "If an enemy acquired the codes, they wouldn't be able to enter them."

"Weapons development facility, ooohh," Kenny said to himself, completely oblivious of just about everything else that had been said. "I want to check that place out!" He blinked, realizing something. "Oh shit, did I just say that out loud?"

"To search for clues as to the whereabouts of the assailants, _not_ to play around with the weapons there," Nome reminded him, answering his question for him. "Despite what you might wish."

"Aw, come on!" Kenny's shoulders slumped.

Nome sighed deeply. "We are going there because the facility would have been able to capture video feeds of the assassins through the seemingly numerous hidden cameras all throughout the outpost." He turned to the hologram screen. "Now then, to enter the access code…" He typed on the keypad for a few seconds, hitting the last key particularly hard. The instant he did so, the sound of something really large shifting became audible from the other side of the island. The very ground below the Greens rumbled, causing some of the debris from the trip mine explosion to rattle. Nome turned back to face the rest of the Greens. "There, the way into the Avalanche Base Weapons Facility is now open to us," he reported, gesturing with his hand to the door leading back outside.

"Let's go!" Kenny shouted.

"When we arrive, do _not_ to play with the weapons," Nome reminded him sternly.

"Yeah, sure, whatever…"


	18. BRIDGE BASE

The Yellow's Falcon approached the bridge base that Brian had been responsible for leading them to. As they slowly neared the outpost, they could see that 'Bridge Base' was a very accurate name for it. A large, flat, and grey walkway connected two areas of flat ground that sat atop the eastern canyon wall, supported by massive beams of a reliably durable substance called permacrete. Brian had mentioned as they were leaving that the base's official name was Omega Base, but that everyone always referred to it as Bridge Base because the name worked so well.

"Oh, yeah, this is the place!" Brian exclaimed enthusiastically.

"It's definitely a bridge, the Blue got that part right," commented Ryan, leaning over the machine gun turret on the port side of the Falcon.

"But wait, where's the actual base?" Amber asked Brian. "All I see is a giant walkway."

"Could be that's what they call a base..." Ryan added snidely. Brian either didn't hear him or did and ignored him.

"Oh, that's the clever part," Brian informed Amber happily. "People walk on the top part of it, so we decided to set up base on the bottom part of it. Pretty cool, right?"

"Wait, what?" Amber mumbled. Brian pointed. She followed the direction of his finger to where she could see structures jutting out from under the bridge.

Patton snorted in laughter from the cockpit of the Falcon. "Wait, wait, are you telling me that your base is _under_ the bridge?"

Brian nodded. "No other army makes bases under bridges, so we decided to build it there because it would make us unpredictable."

"After all, what could _possibly_ go wrong?" Ryan added sarcastically. He and Patton looked at each other (as best they could, the latter being currently in the cockpit) and burst out laughing.

Brian stared at them, clearly oblivious as to why they were laughing. Their laughing quickly died a few seconds later, however.

As the Falcon neared the Bridge, the Yellows could see a layer of Blue bodies covering its top surface. The parts that weren't covered in dead Blue were scorched, scarred, and in some places completely broken through, the ground far below visible through them. Amber vacated her turret, eyed the scene through the scope of her sniper rifle, and commented: "Damn, something big went down here. There's got to be at least a platoon's worth of bodies around. What the hell happened?"

"No one actually saw the attackers," Brian explained. "Well, maybe a few did, but they were the first to go. Not that it really mattered who went first. Everyone on base was dead in a few minutes. Kind of sad, really." He sighed.

"Kind of sad…that's the understatement of the day!" Ryan exclaimed while staring at the field of bodies covering the bridge. "Even after the battle we had this morning, the canyon didn't look as wrecked as this place! I mean, shit! You see those holes? It looks like it got hit by an orbital bombardment or something!"

"Well get ready to get a really close look at them, Private." Clair called from the Falcon's stern passenger seat. "Cause that's where we're landing.

The Falcon reached the Bridge, and Patton set it down as gently as he could, though it still made a rather large _thunk_ when it touched the ground, though some of this could be attributed to the weakened bridge structure. Everyone piled out of the transport aircraft as the sound of the spinning rotors slowly died.

"Care to show us around?" Patton asked Brian in a deceptively choice giving tone as he climbed out of the cockpit.

Brian nodded eagerly, completely missing Patton's sarcasm. "The ramp leading under the bridge is this way." He began walking towards the opposite end of the bridge, and the Yellows followed, heads on a swivel and weapons ready.

Clair walked up right behind the Blue and asked him: "If everyone on the base died, how do you know anyone even saw the attackers?"

Brian thought for a moment before remembering, slowing down enough to elicit a nudge from Patton. "We received radio transmissions during the attack. Most of it was barely audible, explosions and screaming mostly. One thing that could be understood was: 'They have lasers, oh fuck we're all screwed."

"You sound like you're actually quoting this," Patton remarked.

Brian nodded. "Believe me, I am. Before me and my platoon were sent after you and the Greens, we listened to the recording dozens of times. We had to be sure who was attacking." He took a deep breath and then told them in detail what had happened…

* * *

**Eighteen hours earlier…**

Brian stood in the communications room of Iota Base. He and another private, who he did not know the name of, were accompanying Iota's commander as he reviewed footage of the destruction of the bridge base. "Play it again," The commander ordered in his serious yet undeniably high voice, before shoving half of a meat-and-cheese-filled microwave snack pastry into his mouth and chewing.

The other soldier groaned and rested his head on the controls before him. "But we've already listened to it five times!" he complained.

"Again, that's an order!" The commander said sternly, jabbing the rest of the pastry at him and sending a shower of small re-heated meat chunks through the air.

The soldier skipped the recording back a few seconds and then set it to play. "They have lasers oh fuck we're all screwed!" said a squeaky voice from the viewscreen.

"I think I missed a word," stated the commander, reaching up to scratch his neck. "Play it again."

The soldier did so, but with a growl of frustration. "They have lasers oh fuck we're all screwed!" The recording repeated.

"Oh, I get it, screwed!" The commander laughed, slapping his hands together and sending the rest of the pastry over the unfortunate soldier before him.

"Maybe we really are all screwed," Brian suggested helpfully as his fellow Blue started wiping half-melted cheese off his visor.

"Private, shut up," The commander replied.

* * *

Brian let out a sigh as he finished telling his story to the Yellows.

"And yet you still attacked the wrong people afterwards," Patton commented. "I didn't think it was possible, but this story just got even sadder."

"We badly need to find out who really did this," said Amber. "I don't remember lasers being part of any army's weapons repertoire; us, green, or Blue."

Brian and the Yellows came to a ramp leading off the side of the bridge. Below it, they could see a walkway leading under the bridge platform. The five of them dropped down single file. Patton looked around at the structures hanging from the underside of the platform. In response to Amber's comment, he said: "Yeah, I s'pose we should start searching for clues to the real culprits. Wait, what am I saying? I sound like Sherlock fucking Holmes! Ryan, go search the main building. Amber, Clair, you head to the other end of this base. I'll stay here and keep Lucy company. Oh, and watch your backs, too."

"Oh, sure, just have us do all the work!" Ryan grumbled. He began walking off towards the main building, complaining to himself as he did so. "Why can't Patton ever do anything?" he made his voice as deep as he could in an attempt to mimic Patton: "Hobar, load the 'Hog turret! Hobar, clean the rifle nozzle! Hobar, search through dead bodies for clues as to who destroyed the snot out of a perfectly defenseless Blue base, and ignore the fact that they're our enemies in the first place!"As he started down the ramp leading into the main building, he kicked some small object by accident, sending it skittering across the deck. He looked down at his feet and picked the object up. Upon examination, he discovered it to be a laptop recorder, a small media device used by all the armies for miscellaneous recording jobs, everything from debriefing review to personal diaries.

 _Could it be what the Blues use for a black box?_ he wondered. On a hunch, he took a few steps into the building and found two dead soldiers on the floor. _They were hiding down here instead of fighting on the surface. They might be the last soldiers to die at this base!_ Deciding that this was worth calling in, he opened a COM to Patton, but not before he noticed (and stripped clean of ammo and spare parts) a rocket launcher, precariously balanced on one of the supports over the drop down. "Boss, I think I found something." He called in.

"Hobar, this had really better be worth it!" Patton bellowed in response. "If you're calling me here over another dropped rock CD again I'm gonna get angry! And you don't want me angry when I'm with Lucy!"

"It is not a CD, sir," Ryan replied. To himself, he added "Though that Breaking Benjamin CD was worth noting..." he continued, voice directed at Patton again. "It looks like a laptop recorder. Maybe this guy videoed the slaughter before he…well…..got slaughtered."

Clair and Amber walked up behind him, the latter sliding down the wall in an impressive display of sniper enhanced movement training. "What did you find?" Clair asked him.

He held up the laptop recorder. "I think the Blues might have been using this as a black box. It should hopefully get us some more info on the attackers." He turned it so that he could see its controls and then set it to play from the beginning. He paused it there so that he could wait for Patton to arrive before showing the video.

Half a minute later, the Yellow Commander came into the room, shotgun held loosely in his arms. "So then, you say you found a recording," he said to Ryan. "You might actually have found something useful for once, Ryan. Well then, let's see it."

Ryan nodded and pressed the PLAY button.

* * *

In the recording (which was broadcast directly to all soldiers around it via COM), the camera was looking out at the ocean from the top side of the bridge platform. The sun was setting, and the light from it made the water sparkle like diamonds. In the waves themselves, some kind of marine mammal could be seen frolicking. The camera swiveled to look at a Blue soldier who was also looking longingly out at the water. "Do anything fun lately?" the cameraman asked the other Blue.

The other soldier sighed and shook his head. "Not since I've been on this base! I'm _so_ bored! I wish something exciting would happen once in a while!" All of a sudden, there was a _whoosh_ , and a large spiky object the size and approximate shape of a baseball bat flew into the camera's view and attached itself to the Blue soldier's helmet with a loud crunching sound and a groan of metal. The faint hiss of a fuse could be heard, and smoke rose from the part attached to the Blue, both which meant that the device was probably some kind of grenade.

"Um, _dude_ , what's that thing sticking out of your head?" the cameraman asked.

The soldier looked at him. "Huh? Is there something on my head? It _does_ feel heavier." The Blue reached up and felt the thing attached to him. He had enough time to say "Holy crap, I'm a unicorn!" before his head exploded, proving the device attached to it had been a grenade.

The cameraman stepped back in horror as chunks of the soldier's head flew everywhere, mixed with what looked like large, superheated spikes. One of these struck the floor next to the soldier's position and promptly started to melt the permacrete. Panicked breathing radiated into the camera's mike as he sprinted away from the grenade detonation point. Off in the distance the sound of a rocket exploding resonated along the bridge platform. The camera shifted its view upwards to see Blue soldiers flying in all directions to make a literal rain of people that covered the bridge.

A soldier, who was running at the camera from the direction of the blast shouted at the cameraman: "Run for your life, they're attacking!"

"Who?" the cameraman asked.

The soldier stopped and was about to reply when a rocket impacted behind him and he flew into several pieces and excavated a large hole in the wall behind him. Debris rained down around the camera man, who stumbled on one (producing a disturbingly wet noise), slid, and rolled down a small ramp.

The cameraman regained his feet and turned to look everywhere, searching for Blues that were still alive. He spotted one running towards the attack and lugging a rocket launcher on his shoulder. "I've got a rocket launcher. I can take 'em!" the soldier shouted. He continued running towards the battle, but when he turned his head and looked in that direction, he suddenly stopped, launcher falling towards the ground. Petrified, he shouted: "They have lasers. Oh, fuck, we're all screwed!" As if on cue, a giant red laser came out of nowhere and completely vaporized the helpless Blue, most of the wall behind him, and a good section of the bridge floor a couple meters behind him. His rocket launcher, emitting a cloud of steam from the intense heat of the near miss, bounced along the bridge platform. The cameraman hurried after it, trying desperately to grab it. He almost caught up with it, but just at the last moment it rolled off of the platform. The cameraman watched helplessly as his only means for defending himself was pulled by gravity out of his reach and became consumed by the ocean (only apparently, as this was the same weapon Ryan had found with the recorder).

Searching for some cover, the cameraman decided to head for the stash of vehicles on the north end of the bridge. As he neared the makeshift motor pool, he spotted another Blue soldier cowering behind a Warthog. He motioned franticly for the cameraman to join him, which the cameraman did without hesitation.

"Dude, they've got _lasers_ ," the soldier stammered nervously, clutching his DMR in a death grip. "What're we gonna do? They've got lasers, man… _ **lasers**_!" He gripped the camera as he said the last word, probably trying to seem over-dramatic, even though he was clearly terrified to begin with.

"Dude, just calm down," the cameraman told him, backing away and readjusting the camera lens, which had come unfocused when the other soldier had grabbed it. "Let's just figure this out. Where is the enemy not attacking?"

The soldier thought for a moment. "Under the bridge, we can go there!"

The cameraman moved the camera up and down slightly, probably nodding. "Yeah, we might be safe there. Let's go."

As they got up to walk, a great boom sounded directly behind them, making them fall over. Near where the cameraman had gone down, a good-sized section of the bridge collapsed, chunks of permacrete falling into the ocean below. The soldier shot up off the ground and used his right arm to pull up the cameraman. "C'mon, we gotta go!" As they hurried away from the battle, they passed a platoon of Blue soldiers, probably the last remaining soldiers in the base, heading towards the attack, every available weapon and a couple obviously improvised melee weapons about to be brought to bear on the attackers. The cameraman made after them to try to convince them that they would die if they tried to fight the attackers, but the soldier pulled him back. "Dude, we can't worry about them! This is every man for himself! We have to get under the bridge. C'mon!"

Seconds later they reached the ramp leading down into the base. The cameraman slid down it first, and the soldier followed right behind him. Both tumbled down, making them grunt and cry out before coming to a stop on the flat section of base under the bridge. A series of explosions was now audible from the direction of the battle, correlating with some disturbing rumbles and groans from the bridge and more sections of permacrete falling down. As the Blues listened, the sounds slowly died down over the next few seconds. The cameraman and solder entered the main building and waited in panicked silence for signs that any other Blue was still alive. "Are we the only ones left now?" The cameraman asked in nervous breaths, an even breathing pattern coming back to him slowly.

The soldier quivered. "I think we might be, dude," He responded sadly.

"Shit." The cameraman replied.

Moments passed that seemed like years. "Do you think they'll find us down here?" The cameraman asked to break the silence. The response he got from the soldier was a sick _whack_ sound. The cameraman turned around to find the soldier lying on the ground, dead. "Dude, what happen-" Another whack sound came from right behind the cameraman, and then the camera fell onto the ground. The cameraman's glove fell into the view. It did not move. But something did; the other soldier's DMR, which had fallen near the cameraman's hand. It skittered across the deck, bumping into the camera enough to tilt it up, focusing the lens on the underside of the bridge. This view was interrupted seconds later by the armored sole of a boot, which came down on the lens. The video went first to a wave of static, then black, and an error message popped up.

* * *

"That's the end of the recording," Confirmed Ryan as he turned the laptop recorder off.

"That looked kind of scary, and maybe a little stupid at the same time," Clair commented quietly.

"Are the assailants really that good, or do the Blues really suck that badly?" Inquired Amber.

"I think the assailants were that good," stated Brian quickly.

Patton cleared his throat. The Blue was smart enough to figure out what that meant and stopped talking, thankfully for him.

Patton turned to the rest of his team. "I'd say a little of both," He responded. "The Blues may be completely incapable of providing any real defense, but the fact that the assailants destroyed this whole place as quickly and efficiently as they did means that they've got capabilities beyond what even _our_ base currently does."

Brian interrupted: "They have lasers, oh my God we're all-"

Patton cocked his shotgun at the Blue to make him shut up again.

"But no-one's supposed to have laser weaponry yet!" Clair noted, obviously shocked. "It's supposed to be at least a decade away for us, at the very least. And that's only prototypes! That blast that nailed that one Blue looked like a fully-operational chemical laser!"

"Doesn't matter when it's supposed to come out." Ryan remarked. "They have it, and that means they're more powerful then we are. That's bad."

"Yes, it is," Patton continued with a dead serious tone of voice.

"So, what do we do then, boss?" Clair asked, surprisingly timid.

"We need to get stuff that will make _us_ more powerful then the assailants." Patton responded strongly, slapping Lucy into his hands. "And do the same thing they did here to them before they do it to us."

"And where are we going to go to find such 'stuff?" Ryan inquired with interest.

Patton chuckled. "A place containing enough equipment to end our little skirmish with the Greens. A place that has weapons of such fire power and just plain badassness that _nothing_ could withstand their wrath. A place that will give us everything we need to destroy these bastards! A place that's very name makes all who do not wear yellow on their armor tremble in fear!"

"Which is…?" Ryan prompted.

"Yellow Central Command, of course," Patton responded matter-of-factly as though he thought it perfectly obvious. "Where the hell else would we go to find state of the art ass-kicking material?"

"Oh, yeah, of course," Was all Ryan could think of to respond with. "Cool, I've never been to Command."

"Me neither." Amber agreed. "This should be awesome!"

Patton holstered his shotgun and began making his way back to the Falcon. "Fellas, it's time to mount up," He called back at his team, who were still standing around the two dead Blues. "We've got Central Command to be at and enemies to kill! Saddle up, people! Oh, I _love_ it when there's a war on!" In his good mood he started singing, something he didn't do regularly, despite his impressive singing voice: "Let's rooool out. Yeah, let's rooooooooool out! Hobar, start singing along!"

"Do I have to?" Ryan groaned.

"It will probably turn out to be the most important thing you've done this entire stay in the Wilderness. Come on!"

Ryan slowly started to chime in (followed closely and voluntarily by Amber and Clair) as the Yellows walked back to the Falcon.


	19. AVALANCHE BASE

The Greens made their way slowly to the other side of the island where the now opened Avalanche Weapons Development Facility waited for them to enter. As they walked, Skope tried unsuccessfully to strike up a conversation with Nome about anything not relating to their mission. Kenny spent his time looking at the surroundings with great distraction, often having to remind himself to keep up. Jess passed the time by listening to music on the portable media player she had installed in her right gauntlet. Their path circumnavigated a mountainous rocky bastion of land which dominated the center of the island. Skope questioned Nome about it, and the medic remarked that the mountain was very useful for lookouts to spot incoming enemies, as well as a vantage point for communications towers. He also thought it might contain some secret entrance to another hidden base, but knew nothing else about it, or if there was any truth to his speculations.

Some minutes later, the Greens finally reached what they were seeking. A large manmade structure rose up in front of them, comparable in height to the mountain itself and made of some incredibly advanced material that looked like it was both rock and metal at the same time. The structure had six sides symmetrical to each other. The side facing southwards (towards the Greens current position) had two giant door sections the same height as the walls of the building, and they had slid open enough to allow entrance. Skope postulated that they had made the shifting sound he had heard earlier as they were opening up. They were certainly big enough to make it. Each one looked like it was at least a meter thick.

"That's a huge door," Kenny remarked, echoing Skope's thoughts.

"Indeed," Nome responded. "At last, we have reached the weapons development facility. Now come, we must enter."

They walked through the door opening in single file (the door being big enough for only one person to enter through at a time), Nome heading in first and Jess coming in last. Once inside, they found somewhat less than they were expecting. There was little inside the structure except a single table with some weapons on it. The Greens stared at the table.

"Um, is this it?" Skope asked. "I thought there would be more in here then a table."

Nome stopped in his tracks. "A table? A _table_? You think that this is just a _table_?"

Not knowing how else to respond, Skope nodded. "That's what it looks like."

"It's a nice table, though." Jess added.

Nome stared at him, stunned. "The weapons in this facility are state of the art! Any one of them, in the wrong hands, could turn the tide of this war!" He pointed at the table of weapons. "This…this is no _table_!"

Jess let out a sigh while turning off her media player. "Okay, fine, Nome, we get it. Lots of important gizmos and stuff in here." She pulled the mike cords out of the universal input jack in her helmet. "So, why'd we come here again?"

Nome walked over to the table and pressed a few buttons on the side facing him. On the wall above it, a screen shimmered into view; apparently, the material the walls were made out of could project holograms. "To check the footage that was captured of the attack on my former base and see if we can determine the identities of the assassins." He heard a shuffling sound and looked up to see Kenny picking up one of the weapons on the table. "Private Ynnek, what are you doing?" he asked sternly.

"This thing looks kinda like two really fat blue chopsticks connected by a piece of metal," was Kenny's response. "How is this supposed to be a weapon? Unless it kills people by making them laugh so hard they choke or something…"

"That is a type-blue plasma rifle," Nome informed him. "I order you to put that down immediately."

Kenny ignored him, pointed the plasma rifle at a wall, and pulled the trigger. Hot blue-white globs of plasma eschewed out of the gun at an impressive rate, bathing the northern wall and making it turn slightly red in color. The smell of hot rock filled the room, and a small stream of smoke arose from the point of contact.

"Put that down!" Nome ordered loudly. "You could melt through the wall!"

"It melts stuff?" Kenny said enthusiastically. "Awesome!" He took a second look at the weapon, twisting it over in his hands.

Nome walked over to him and snatched the weapons from his grasp. "Do _not_ play with these things," he ordered. With that done, he went back to the panel and attempted to continue with what he was doing. He had resumed work for only a moment, however, when he heard the sound of Kenny picking something else up off the table.

Kenny held in his hands what looked like a normal M6 series pistol. "Well, this is just a pistol." He said, more to himself than anyone else. "It can't possibly be _that_ dangerous."

As he pointed it at the wall, Nome shouted at him: " _What_ did I just tell you? Oh no, that is _not_ a pistol. Do _not_ pull the trigger-"

Kenny pulled the trigger anyway. A tremendous bang deafened all four of the Greens, and Kenny was thrown clean across the room into the opposite wall. The wall the gun was fired into began to tip over with a loud groan. It looked as though it might fall over completely, but it just barely managed to right itself. Kenny sat on the floor, stunned. "Whoa, that was awe-"

" **STOP!"** Nome shouted at the top of his lungs.

Kenny stopped. So did Skope and Jess, though they weren't really doing anything.

Nome walked over to Kenny, violently ripped the pistol out of his hands, then grabbed the front of his armor and shook him a few times. "I cannot believe you!" he furiously stated. "Of all the many tens of soldiers I have had to work with, you are the worst! Imagine if you had grabbed a fuel rod gun, you would probably have killed all of us-"

"What's a fuel rod gun?" Kenny asked with keen interest. He scanned the table, looking for the mentioned weapon.

"Shut up!" Nome responded. He released him and pointed out the entrance doors. "Go outside and stay there. I cannot allow you to cause any more damage then you already have!"

Skope and Jess huddled together in surprised shock. "Wow, did Nome actually just blow his cork for once in his lifetime?" he whispered. Jess didn't say anything, or really move. She was busy editing her status on the Green Army's social networking site from "fine" to "getting yelled at by a medic".

Kenny hadn't taken the hint and was still standing and staring at Nome. Nome began striding over to him again. "I told you to wait outside-"

Skope decided to stop things before they spun out of control. He hurried between Kenny and Nome, putting his hands on their chests to keep them apart. "Okay, Nome, take a chill pill and calm the fuck down! Kenny, go outside and leave the weapons."

"But-" Kenny stammered.

"Just do it."

Kenny finally nodded and made for the door. The moment he got out, he let out an inhuman scream and started attacking random sections of the neighboring landscape.

Nome took a few deep breaths. "I do apologize. I did not mean to compromise my composure. I simply have not encountered anyone this absent minded and suicidally curious in my entire career of service to the Green Army." He took another breath and walked back over to the table to complete his work. "I must finish this before any other inane distractions can prevent me from doing so."

"Sounds like a fine plan to me." Skope muttered, eying the destroyed wall.

The Greens let Nome work in silence for a few more minutes. Jess took the opportunity to go back to her media player and contact Kelly again. Skope simply sat down and stared at the sky through the busted wall. Some moments later, Nome looked up and declared: "At long last, my task is complete."

The other Greens walked over, with the exception of Kenny, who was still outside and currently kicking a large rock in frustration. "So, did you find out who the assailants are?" Skope asked.

Nome shook his head. "No, I did not. However, I did uncover some very useful information. It confirms my worst fears." He said this last part without a change in tone.

"Um, and what are your worst fears?" Jess asked while taking a few second break from her media player.

"Avalanche Team has abandoned the facility."

"Um, okay. Not sure how that's a fear…"

"Wait, who's Avalanche Team?" Skope wondered.

Nome continued: "Avalanche Team is the base that maintains the facility, as well as conducts research within it. You may think that this room is all that there is, but the main base is in fact many kilometers underground, straight through the underground glacier that runs under this mountain. All research and construction is done there, and the final product is deposited here for testing by field teams."

"I assume you're getting to a point," commented Kenny, who was obviously bored with attacking inanimate ground and had come back inside. Nome didn't seem to mind.

"Indeed. This base is now completely deserted but without any bodies, which implies that whoever attacked drove this base's personnel away. The attackers may somehow have found a way to get inside the underground part of the base, but fortunately this room stayed locked and beyond the attacker's reach. As Avalanche Team has fled, they must therefore undoubtedly know who the assassins really are. They would never abandon the facility for anything less important than something like that. Find Avalanche Team, and we find the answers we seek."

"So, how do we find Avalanche Team?" Skope asked, crossing his arms.

"I do not know," Nome replied, still quite calm.

"Oh."

"So then, what do we do now?" Jess asked.

Nome thought for a moment before answering. "We must radio Green Command, if for no other reason than to let them know what has happened. Perhaps they can direct us to Avalanche Team. And if not, then perhaps Avalanche Team has left a message to let us know where they are now with them."

"So, back to base, then," Skope said to himself. "It's the only place with a radio that can reach Command."

"And the return trip through the water," Jess reminded Kenny.

"Fuck!" Kenny grumbled. "And I just got my boot dried off!"


	20. THE TELEPORTER

Patton landed the Falcon just north of the Blue Base the Yellows had destroyed the day before. Broken vehicles still littered the landscape, as did Blue bodies, and the former base entrance structure lay in ruins as a giant pile of wall and walkway, having been destabilized by Patton crashing the enemy Falcon into it.

Everyone piled out of the Falcon and took the time to stretch. Ryan looked around in surprise as he did. "Boss, are you sure you got your coordinates right?" he called out. "This is that Blue Base we massacred just over a day ago!"

"No, this is Yellow Command," Patton responded while oozing sarcasm. "We just let the Blues stroll in and take it for a while. No, of _course_ this isn't Yellow Command. It's just how we get there. We let the Blue's stay here because we knew they were too stupid to find the way to Command. And even if they had somehow managed to do it, we could have handled them easily. Plus, if we'd driven them out, we'd have to find them again."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Clair chirped.

"So that's why you let Kappa Base stay here," commented Brian. (He had mentioned sometime earlier that Kappa Base was the official name for the base that used to be there, though none of the Yellows especially cared).

"Partially," said Patton. "We didn't expect you guys to get quite _that_ close to the teleporter. When we discovered that you'd made a base literally right next to it, we had to take you out."

"So _that's_ why we were sent to attack!" Amber exclaimed. "I figured something wasn't right!"

"If we get to Command via a teleporter, then where is Command actually located?" Clair asked the commander. "Somewhere else on the planet?"

"Ah, that's the clever part," Patton said smugly. "Command isn't really even _on_ the planet. It's actually a space station in low orbit around it."

Ryan was confused. "Wait, so, how exactly do we get to Command, then?"

"Told you already!" Patton replied, slightly annoyed. He pointed at a small structure in the far corner of the canyon wall. It looked more like an ammo locker than anything else, and was just taller than Ryan in his armor. It was the shape of a door frame, but inside the frame there was a glowing cylinder shaped green light. Patton elaborated: "You step in that light, and it instantly teleports you to Command. That's why it's called a teleporter."

Amber shrugged. "Well, if it's that simple, then what are we waiting for?"

"The hell if I know," Was Patton's response. "C'mon, let's go." He started walking and then stopped suddenly. "Actually, Hobar, you need to stay here and keep an eye on the Blue."

Ryan stopped in his tracks, shocked. "What? Why do I have to stay?"

"Well, someone needs to watch him, and you're the rookie, so you get the honor of watching the little bastard. And you're also heavy weapons. Perfect to keep him here."

Ryan groaned. "But wait, you've got a shotgun! That's perfect for guarding someone! Why can't you stay?"

"I'm the only one of us with enough clearance to get us up there," Patton replied smugly. "You could probably try convincing Command to let you in, but I'm pretty sure they'd just laugh in your face and then hang up. So, the task falls to me."

Ryan kicked a nearby rock in frustration, sending it flying a good two dozen meters away. "Damn it! Fine, I'll stay."

Brian walked up behind him. "Hear that, Ryan? We get to be friends. Yay!" He pumped his arms in the air.

Ryan briefly considered roughing the Blue up a bit out of annoyance, but then decided not to. They would probably be spending a lot of time together, and it would go by easier if the Blue had a positive attitude towards him. He settled for sighing and slapping his hand across his visor.

Patton made sure he had everything he needed before addressing Clair and Amber. "Righty then, let's move out. Leave the vehicles, we won't be needing them."

"Can you even send them up?" Clair asked, looking at the teleporter. "That thing seems a little small for a Warthog…"

Patton shook his head. "Only in emergencies."

Amber approached the teleporter ahead of Patton. "I have to say, I expected the entrance to Command to be a bit more…impressive," she remarked, tilting her head to the side.

Patton shrugged before replying: "What, and give away the fact this is the way to our central command base? Hell no!"

"Makes sense to me." Clair added.

Amber entered the greenish light, but nothing happened. She simply came out the other side. She stepped back out and looked the teleporter and frame over while crossing her arms in confusion. "Okay, so now what do we do?"

Patton walked over to the teleporter frame and tapped on one small section of it on the right side. A keyboard control panel slid out. "First, I have to let the scanner identify me." He tapped a key, and a device popped out from the panel. It emitted a red laser line over Patton that scanned him from his head down to his legs. When it was finished, it retracted back into the panel, and the panel itself slid back into the frame wall. A green light winked on above the teleporter, and it seemed to glow brighter. "Now, you just step in, really."

Cautiously, Amber sauntered into the light a second time. The instant her full body was inside the cylinder of light, she simply disappeared.

"Whoa, that's awesome," Clair commented. "Is she at Command now?"

Patton nodded. "Yup, the teleportation process is instantaneous. Well, actually I think it gets you there at just under the speed of light, but for our purposes it's so damn fast that it might as well be instantaneous."

"My turn," Clair exclaimed eagerly. She stepped into the light, and soon vanished as well.

Patton approached the teleporter, but before entering he paused and turned to look at Ryan. "Hobar, have fun lookin' after the Blue. I'll call you if we need anything."

Ryan grumbled something at Patton, but it was too faint for him to hear, and considering the tone, this was probably a good thing.

Patton saluted the private. Ryan was too annoyed to respond, but Brian enthusiastically saluted Patton back. "Bye, Patton," the Blue cooed. "Have fun! See you soon. Me and Ryan are gonna have such a grrrreat time, isn't that right?"

Ryan took in a deep breath.

Giving his only real private one last message, Patton said to Ryan: "Take care, Hobar. I'll be sure to send you a souvenir. A cupcake or something like that."

"Gee, thanks!" Ryan shouted at him sarcastically.

Patton laughed. "I thought you'd appreciate something like that." He saluted one final time, walked into the teleporter, and disappeared.

Brian clapped his hands together. "It's just the two of us now! What should we do?"

"I have an idea," Ryan said with absolutely no enthusiasm. "Let's play a game called spot the canyon wall."

Brian was so intrigued that he jumped slightly. "Oh, I've never heard of that game! How do you play?"

"We both see how many canyon walls we can spot. I count…one, and two. Now, how many can you find? The ones I already spotted don't count."

Brian looked around. "Hmmm, this is hard. Um…well…this could take me a while…"

"Good." Ryan said, then sat down, crossed his arms, and took a nap.


	21. ON OUR OWN

After making their way back across the sandbar, the Greens entered the vehicles they had left on the mainland and headed back to base. As the Warthog entered the canyon, Skope thought he saw something very strange off in the northwestern corner of the canyon; a Yellow napping next to a Blue soldier. But his Warthog, being driven by the Nome, took him out of view in just the next second, and he decided to write the sight off as a slight malfunction in his HUD, or something. He forgot about it, and a few minutes later the Greens arrived back at their base.

Kenny took a deep breath of fresh air (or as fresh as it could be filtered through his helmet) as he hopped out of the Mongoose. "Ah, it's good to be home." He said, sounding satisfied.

"I could definitely use some R&R," Jess said, stretching.

"Remember, we have also returned to send Green Command information on what we have learned," lectured Nome. "We must notify them of what is going on. Recent events have placed us in a curious position, and Command should know what to do. If nothing else, they should be informed of Avalanche Team's disappearance."

They all walked up the ramp into the base. Jess got to the elevator door first and pushed the call button eagerly.

"Why couldn't we call them while we were at Avalanche Base?" Skope asked Nome, curious.

The elevator came. Everyone stepped in, and as the doors closed behind them, Nome answered: "We left the long-range radio back here."

Skope nodded. "Uh-huh. Right, I remember now."

The elevator was a two-by-two meter box, and with all four fully armored Greens inside of it the setting became cramped. Skope tapped his foot impatiently and shifted while he waited for the elevator to reach base level.

"We need elevator music," Kenny mumbled, looking around in boredom.

The doors opened a few seconds later. The Greens piled out, bumping into each other accidentally as they did so in their hurry.

Jess led the Greens to the radio room, snapping the lights on as she did. She tapped a few buttons, set several of the dials and gave one side a good hard smack with the palm of her hand before the sound of a dial tone was emitted from the speaker.

"Good to go!" she called out, before stepping away from the radio.

"Hello, this is Green Command," said a stylish voice from the speaker.

Nome was about to talk to it before Skope stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder and told him it was a voice recording.

"This is a voice recording," the voice confirmed. "Please wait while we connect you with someone of service, and thank you for calling the Green Army Command!"

Fancy music started playing, and Nome crossed his arms in annoyance. "How long did you have to wait last time?" he asked Skope.

"About seven minutes," he replied.

"Good lord!" Nome sounded amazed. "That is simply intolerable!"

"Don't I know it."

This time, they only had to wait five minutes. The recording had just started the theme song from the first Halo game, and Skope was really getting into it, actually air guitaring along with the main beat. He was actually a little disappointed when Command picked up and abruptly ended the song just as it was getting going.

"Green Command?" Skope asked slowly.

"Yo dude, 'sup?" came the reply. The person on the other ended sounded extremely relaxed, to the point that Skope was a little worried.

"This is Lieutenant Christopher Skope, acting-commander for Sector 18-Alpha. I have important information for the Green Army commanders."

"Okay, let's just hook you up…" The sounds of buttons being pressed came through the speaker.

"Please, try to make it fast-" He was put on hold again. Skope pounded the wall behind the radio, carving a good-sized chunk out of it. The Halo theme music started playing again. Just like the time before, it was getting going, and then-

"Hey, dude!" shouted another guy from Command.

"Yeah?" Skope asked hopefully.

"Is your name Christopher Skope?"

"Um, yeah."

"No way!" In the background, the officer could be heard shouting: "Hey, guys, come over here! It really _is_ him!"

"You're joking!" Came the response from someone else.

"Hell no, man. Check it out!"

Skope shouted into the COM: "Hey guys, focus! I've got important information!"

"Sure you do," snickered the second officer. "By the way, how's your ass?"

"Um, excuse me?" Skope looked at the speaker in incomprehension.

"I said, how's your ass?"

"Is this some kind of joke?" Skope growled. "Cause seriously, I don't swing that way, okay?"

"No more of a joke then you, Sniperbutt!" Uncontrolled laughter emerged from the speaker.

Skope groaned and rested his head against the radio as realization set in. "Oh, God. My nickname must be all over Command now." He took a step back from the radio and brutally kicked the wall next to it. "Fuck!"

The people on the other end of the line continued laughing."So what's your information, then? Lemmy guess…you got sniped again…but this time in the _balls!_ " His comment got everyone at Command laughing again, this time even harder. The sound of what was obviously someone falling out of their chair came through the speaker.

Skope slammed the DISCONNECT button. "Well, that was a huge waste of time."

"I did not think that Command would be so uncooperative," Nome stated slowly.

"I did!" Kenny called out. Everyone ignored him.

Skope crossed his arms in annoyance and frustration. "I can't believe they still haven't exhausted the story of me getting shot in the ass by that Yellow sniper."

"Well, it's only been, what, a full thirty hours since that happened, right?" Jess asked.

Skope nodded.

"Then I'm not really surprised. Stuff like this usually needs a week to get old."

"Great."

"It would seem, then, that we are on our own," Nome postulated, bringing the group back on topic.

"Yeah, I'd have to agree with you on that one," said Skope. "All Command cares about is the fact that I've been sniped in the ass. Even if I'd had a chance to tell them the information, I don't think they'd really have known what to do. Fuckers."

"I do have a suggestion," Nome offered.

All eyes turned to the medic.

"Anything is more then we have right now, so let's hear it," suggested Kenny, leaning against the wall.

"Well, we are all rather tired from our journey, and I suspect that might have something to do with our lack of ideas. Furthermore, it is beginning to become dark outside as we speak, and we will not have a very easy time finding Avalanche Team without light. Additionally, it would be much more dangerous. I have no doubt that Commander Patton wouldn't hesitate to ambush us if we crossed paths again, not to mention the possibility the people who attacked my base may still be lurking. Therefore, I suggest that we take a short reprise from our mission and recuperate. 'Call it a day' I believe is the proper term."

"Sounds good to me," yawned Jess. She stretched with a loud groan.

"And me," said Kenny, as he moved into the dining space and pulled out the fixings for a cheese sandwich from the kitchen cupboard. "I'm gonna have myself a dinner, and then see about improving my flamethrower. Greater fuel efficiency, so I can roast more dudes before having to refill. Maybe put an oxidizer on the end. Make it burn hotter."

"Very well then, we shall rest," Nome confirmed. "Let us convene back here next morning at 0800 hours." He turned to find that everyone had already left the room. "Ah, I should have known," he mumbled to himself, before heading off as well.


	22. YELLOW COMMAND

With a large green flash and a rushing, hissing noise, Patton, Amber, and Clair rematerialized inside the entrance to the hanger of the orbital space station that was Yellow Command. The two girls stumbled, slightly disoriented by the transfer, but Patton stayed upright, having done this many times before.

Once she'd shaken off the weirdness in her head, Amber looked around at her new surroundings. The room she was standing in had the appearance of a large, very techy warehouse. She saw ahead of her some large cylindrical tanks, which she assumed carried fuel for spacecraft. On closer inspection, she discovered that they also contained missiles and heavy-caliber machine gun rounds. Still further ahead of her, the wall on her right opened up, making the overall path of the room turn right as well.

"You guys might want to look behind you," said Patton, tapping her on the shoulder.

Amber turned around and stopped dead. Ahead of her was an impressive sight. Through a blue tinted force field that was probably there keep the room from depressurizing, she could see the vacuum of outer space, but what really got her attention was the view of X.B.O.X.L.1.V. The top section of the planet stretched like a grand tapestry beneath the station, looking almost unreal in the light of the system's lone star. She could easily make out several of the planet's major continents. The part of the planet containing the Halothrii Wilderness was not in her visibility, however. "We're in orbit," she muttered to herself. "This is way far out!"

The unintended pun of her comment made Clair chuckle slightly, even as she joined her teammate in gazing.

"Of course it's awesome," said Patton smugly, crossing his arms in pride. "You think we'd get some crappy place for the command center of the whole freakin' army?"

"Sort of. I've seen some pretty shitty command centers in my time."

"Base Commander Alexander MacArthur Patton?" Inquired a male voice behind them.

They turned almost in unison. Another soldier in yellow Explosive Ordinance Disposal armor stood before them at attention.

"Yeah?" Patton addressed the soldier nonchalantly.

"The Lord High Commander General would like to see you, sir" The soldier replied crisply. "Follow me, I'll take you to him."

Patton holstered his shotgun. "Very good; show us the way."

The soldier led them through a door on the left into a hallway that forked in two directions. He went left again, at which point he came upon stairs, which he motioned the Yellows to follow him up. They did so. As they climbed, Amber noticed a mural installed on the walls.

"Shaw and Fujikawa..." She read. "Who the hell are they?"

"I _think_ they're the guys who invented Slipspace travel." Clair answered as she passed the sniper. Amber grunted and continued climbing.

"Slipspace?"

"Yeah, I think it's like hyperspace…but slipperier? That's all I know; I'm no physicist."

The Yellows reached the top of the stairs, and found themselves in a medium-sized room full of viewscreens and control panels. From the screens, Amber could see several tactics layouts of at least three different continents of the planet. Next to each layout were multiple computer screens filled with data, each constantly updating. As she looked around the room, she came upon a lone soldier staring at one of the screens, deep in thought, arms crossed over his chest. His armor was the same reflective golden color of Patton's, though it was in much better condition, and his thinking posture reminded her of Patton as well. He also had a shotgun holstered on his back.

The soldier who had led them into the room saluted the other soldier. "Sir, Base Commander Patton has arrived." He turned back to the Yellows while keeping his arm extended towards the soldier. "Now presenting the Lord High Commander General of the Yellow Army."

"No…it can't be…" Patton said quietly to himself. Out loud, he shouted: "Bradley?"

The soldier swiveled around, seeming just as surprised to see Patton as Patton was to see him. "Bro!" he shouted, holding up his right hand.

"Bro!" Patton shouted again as he walked over and high-fived Bradley.

"Bro!" Bradley proudly repeated as he did the same. Both soldiers twisted their arms down, pulling themselves closer together and into a pair of one-armed hugs.

"They know each other?" Clair asked Amber, surprised.

"Looks like it," she replied. "I figured the boss had connections in high places, but not _this_ high."

"But of course they know each other," interrupted the escort soldier. "How do you think your Commander gained his rank?"

"I heard he drove back the Green Army from the Halothrii Wilderness single handedly," Amber responded.

"Well, kind of," said the escort soldier, after a quick pause. "But if his brother wasn't Lord High Commander General, he probably wouldn't have made Commander. He just...doesn't seem to be the kind of person to really _want_ command. No offense to him, of course."

"None taken," Patton called over to him.

"Wait, did you say _brother_?" Clair gasped out.

"Of course!" Patton cried. "Clair, Amber, meet my younger brother; Bradley Montgomery Patton."

"Hi." Both Amber and Clair said.

Bradley nodded politely to them then slapped his hand on Patton's shoulder playfully. "Been a while, hasn't it, bro?"

Patton laughed. "Yeah, got that right. And when did you become Lord High Commander General? Last I heard, you were just working for that slut Westler."

Bradley crossed his arms in thought. "Oh yeah, the bitch who masterminded that drop during Green Day. Well, after you had your little "escapade" with her, she apparently decided to live life to the fullest, resigned her commission, and left for some recently colonized planet."

"Ah, so _that's_ what happened to her, then. I've always kind of wondered where she went."

"You got it! Thanks, by the way."

Amber asked: "So you don't have a problem with the fact Patton did something to your superior?" Before adding quietly to herself "Patton did something to a superior? That's a first."

"You kidding?" Bradley laughed. "Guess who was next in line when she resigned! She left most of her shit too! That stuff bagged me some serious mint on EBay."

"Yeah, geez, Stone!" Patton exclaimed. "If he was mad at me, do you think I would have come up here?"

"Good point…" was all Amber could think to respond with.

"So, what'd you do with your money?" Patton asked Bradley, turning away from Amber.

"I put most of it into weapons research and development," said Bradley. He paused, thinking. "Speakin' of which, I've got a couple models almost ready for production. We just need someone to field test them. You interested?"

Patton thought for a moment. "Well, we left our weapons specialist back at the Wilderness to look after a prisoner, but I'm sure my sniper and mechanic would still be more then qualified to look it over." He glanced over at Amber and Clair, the former of which was nodding her head vigorously. He suddenly eyed a platter of cupcakes sitting on one of the control panels. "Which reminds me; I promised Hobar before I left that I'd send him a cupcake for a souvenir. Bradley, could you have one of your guys send him one of those through the teleporter real quick?"

Bradley nodded. "Sure." He picked a cupcake up off the tray and handed it to the escort soldier. "Send him this, ASAP. Alpha priority."

The escort soldier saluted and quickly marched off while carrying the cupcake like it was some exceedingly important war material. Bradley pressed a call button on the console nearest him and called for another soldier, who appeared in the room a few seconds later.

Bradley motioned to the other soldier. "He'll take you to the weapons. Have fun!"

Amber nodded and joined Clair as she followed the second escort soldier out of the room.

"I have to say, Bradley, you've got quite the establishment here," Patton remarked proudly as the three other soldiers left.

"Yeah." Bradley agreed. "Well , you're pretty lucky yourself."

"Oh," Patton wondered aloud. "How so?"

"Your team. They seem to respect you," Bradley elaborated. "That's hard to get in soldiers these days."

"Well, Hobar can be kind of a pain, but he still follows orders so I don't think that's more than pre-real combat energy. And Stone and Sinclair, yeah, they do respect me, I know that for sure. You're right."

"Damn right." Bradley nodded "Now, to business," he said as he crossed his arms a second time. "You said you had something to tell me?"

Patton nodded. "Yeah, you might want to sit down. This could take a while."

* * *

Ryan was woken from his nap by the sound of the teleporter activating. He shot up almost instantly, assault rifle raised and ready. "They're back already. That didn't take long!" He rushed back to the teleporter, but saw none of his team standing there.

Brian rushed up behind him. "Did you hear a teleportery sound?"

Ryan looked around. Then he saw something sitting on the floor in front of the teleporter. He let out an annoyed groan. A cupcake sat at the teleporter's exit point.

"Oh, a cupcake!" Brian exclaimed.

Ryan smacked his helmet. "Damn it, Patton." He turned to Brian. "You can have it. I don't want it."

Brian happily yanked off his helmet and started eating the cupcake while Ryan attempted to get back to his nap, but Brian got in the way of that by talking.

"I can't find any more canyon walls," the Blue said sadly.

"Keep looking, you'll find them," mumbled Ryan as sleep began to take him again.


	23. HOSTILES

The escort soldier led Clair and Amber to the experimental weapons storeroom. The door unsealed with a hiss of pressurized gas and a cloud of steam. As they stepped in, the Yellows whistled in amazement. Loads of specialized guns and other equipment adorned the walls and filled up much of its volume with large crates.

Amber licked her lips as she looked around at the massive firepower in front of her. "Damn, you got some nice stuff in here," she commented satisfactorily, crossing her arms and doing a complete 360 to look at the entire room.

"Um, what the hell is any of it?" asked Clair, eliciting a grunt of surprise from Amber. Usually, the Captain was the one who knew what things were. Apparently, this was a bit out of her league.

Clair walked over to one of the weapons mounted on the wall and pulled it off to examine it. The weapon was clearly a gun, but it was hard to tell what kind exactly; it was too big to be a pistol, but really too small to be called a rifle. The grip seemed amazingly primitive, sticking almost horizontally from the back of rear of the weapon. The main body consisted of a pair of barrels, one stacked on top of the other, with iron sights atop it all. On both sides of the barrels were rather large blades that vaguely resembled short bayonets, though Clair felt they looked more like meat cleavers than anything else. She yanked the magazine out of the receiver and saw that the gun's projectiles were large (almost thirty centimeters long) tan colored spikes, as opposed to bullets. "What the hell kind of a gun is this?" she wondered aloud as she slid the magazine home.

"That would be what we call a Type 25 Spike Carbine, known more commonly as a 'Spiker," the escort soldier explained.

"It shoots spikes?" Amber asked, sounding surprised.

The soldier nodded. "It's automatic, too."

Clair set the Spiker back on its wall holder, gently. "Ugh, wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of that thing!"

"Partially the point." The escort soldier explained. "It was designed to be used for covering fire and psychological warfare."

Amber walked up to the Spiker and reached out to touch it with her hand. "How does it work?" she asked.

The soldier thought for a moment. "Well, if I remember correctly, it takes spikes from its clip, superheats them, then fires them from its barrels using magnets."

"So, it's basically an incredibly advanced rapid fire nail gun."

"Yes," the soldier nodded. "That was actually one of its nicknames for a time. But Spiker, I think, suits it better."

"Surprisingly simple for an experimental weapon." Clair noted.

"Also part of the design. Because it's so simple, we can manufacture hundreds of these things for the cost of a single standard ballistic weapon."

Amber chuckled. "Typical military thinking; always make things cheaper."

"Believe me, that isn't lost on us. We actually called it the "Penny Pincher" for a while."

"Nice." Amber replied. Speaking of names, you got one?"

"Um, yeah. I'm Experimental Gunnery Sergeant Miles Adams, at your service." The soldier saluted Clair, as she technically out ranked him.

"Okay, then, um, Miles?"

"Yeah?"

"You got anything for someone with more, uh, ranged tastes?"

Miles clapped his hands together. "Ah, a sniper, huh? Well, I got just the thing. Come over here." He motioned to the wall on the right of the door. He pulled off a rather large weapon from the wall and handed it to Amber.

She turned it over in her arms several times, trying to make sense of it. It had a very strange appearance, with a dark purple finish that was smooth to the touch, and a long barrel that looked to have some kind of energy guide modulator at several increments along it. A built-in scope was attached to the top of the weapon, but it wasn't like any Amber had ever seen. It had very few truly straight edges and seemed generally very irregularly shaped, yet somehow managed to have a good balance as she held it. There didn't even seem to be a trigger. It looked like something very much alien, yet far less brutish then the Spiker.

"What is this thing?" she asked Miles.

"Its official name is the Type-52 Special Applications Rifle. Or at least, that's what the Green Army calls it."

"The Green Army?"

Miles shrugged. "Yeah, we actually stole this from them. One of their bases got attacked or something, we're not exactly sure what happened, but they started broadcasting all their data over an encrypted channel to their Command as a fail-safe. Well, we were able to intercept some of it and decode it. This weapon is one of several schematics we managed to download from them that way. I think the base called itself…Avalanche, or something like that. Not that it matters. From what we were able to gather, that base is now pretty much toast. We ran scans of it about a day ago; nothing."

Amber nodded, and continued to examine the weapon in her hands. "So, what is this thing, exactly?"

"It's basically a long range laser," Miles explained. "We think the Greens intended it to be used for suppression purposes. It has a scope like a sniper rifle-"

"I can see that." Amber agreed, looking through the scope.

"-But instead of firing a ballistic round, it fires a concentrated stream of superheated plasma that does damage over a couple of seconds, instead of a one hit kill. We've dubbed it the Focus Rifle."

Amber nodded. "Yup, good name. Sounds fitting."

"And it's all yours," said Miles, patting the Rifle before pressing it into Amber's chest.

Amber looked up at him quickly. "Really?"

Miles nodded. "Yep! We have the schematics for it, so we can make as many of them as we want, whenever we want. You can take this one, no problem. This is Command's gift to you. Besides, like your CO said; we need field testers."

"Thanks!" Amber responded enthusiastically.

"I might be taking this," said Clair as she took the Spiker from the wall. "I've got a couple ideas to make it even better..."

"Excellent," commented Miles as he clapped his hands together business like. "Well, if that's everything, I think we should-"

The alarms started blaring without warning, making Clair jump. "What the hell is that?" she exclaimed.

Miles swore. "Boarding alarm!" he answered quickly. "We need to go. Come on!"

* * *

Patton and Bradley stood in the control room, discussing what Patton had discovered of late. Patton was in the middle of telling Bradley what had happened at the bridge base while Bradley quietly munched on the last cupcake.

"…so we went to investigate this base, found a lot of dead Blues-and I mean a _lot_ of 'em-and found the recording I showed you. That was when I realized that we needed more firepower to deal with the bastards responsible for all of this. So, we came here…and that's about it, really." He shrugged.

Bradley thought out loud to himself, spraying cupcake crumbs across the viewscreen keyboard and his helmet, which he had placed there to eat the cupcake: "Hmmm. This isn't good. Whoever these guys are, they've got some _serious_ firepower on their hands."

"My thoughts exactly," commented Patton.

"And you think that one of our bases is their next target?" Bradley quickly popped the rest of the cupcake into his mouth and chewed while Patton replied.

Patton nodded. "Well, it's the only thing that makes sense. They've hit a Green base and a Blue one. We're the only army left."

Bradley sighed. "Shit. We can't have this, not now. Alright, I'm giving you full clearance to check this out. Weapons, vehicles, personnel, support systems, whatever you need-"

The alarms started blaring off without warning. The lights in the room suddenly died, only to be replaced by low-powered red emergency lights and a spinning yellow strobe over the door.

Patton looked around quickly, hands latching onto his shotgun. "The hell?"

"Boarders!" Bradley explained, reaching for his own weapon. He glanced over at the closest viewscreen, scanning the information displayed there. "They've locked onto the teleporter signal!"

"They've almost established a connection!" one of the officers on the deck below informed Bradley while looking back and forth between several viewscreens.

"How long before they get here?" Bradley asked him.

"Three minutes, tops."

"How many?"

"Can't tell for sure, but it looks like somewhere between fifteen and twenty."

Patton swore and activated his radio. "Hobar, get the hell up here, now!" he howled.

"Have him bring the Blue as well," Bradley suggested as he pulled his helmet on.

Patton stopped and blinked. "What? Why?"

"We're about to be knee deep in contacts," Bradley elaborated. "We'll need all the manpower we can get." He shrugged. "We can use it as bait, if nothing else. Something I'm sure you'd know something about, if I remember the events of Green Day correctly."

Patton nodded in agreement, smiling under his helmet. "Good point. Blue-baiting never gets old." In the COM, he ordered: "Hobar, bring the Blue with you."

Ryan's whining filled Patton's head. "What? First you want me to guard him so he can't come up, now you want me to bring him up? Jeez, make up your mind!"

"Do it now, damn it!" Patton shouted at him.

"Fine, we're on our way."

* * *

Ryan looked at the Blue in front of him with curiosity. _Why does the boss want you to come with me? You survived the battle this morning, give us fabulous amounts of information on your army, and now, apparently, Patton wants you to come up to the central command base for the entire Yellow Army? What kind of Blue_ are _you?_

Ryan had been staring at Brian so much that he started staring back at Ryan, perhaps thinking it was some kind of staring game.

"We need to go," Ryan informed him, breaking the silence.

"Where?" the Blue asked curiously, still staring.

"To Command. I mean, you need to go in the teleporter. C'mon."

Brian shook his head. "Um, I don't think I want to." He said shakily.

"Yes, you do. Come on!" Ryan tugged at the Blue's armored collar, but he stayed put.

"Why should I?" Brian inquired.

Ryan briefly considered beating up the Blue and tossing him into the teleporter, but then he came up with a better idea. "They have more cupcakes," he explained patently.

Brian jumped enthusiastically, looking as if he'd been hit by a massive electrical shock. "Oh, I want more cupcakes!" He raced to the teleporter, throwing up clods of sod as he went. "C'mon, Hobo! Let's go! Cupcakes, here I come!"

"I'm right here." Ryan called in annoyance. "And it's Hobar, not Hobo!"


	24. THE HAMMER

Amber, Clair, and Miles hustled out of the weapons room. Now in the hallway, they could see personnel rushing in both directions to their battle stations and safe rooms, weapons and tools held at the ready. The lights of the alarm bells gave the hall a reddish glow, and rotating yellow strobes flashed above many doors. Many of the weapons crates Amber had seen earlier had been moved, probably to be loaded for use against whoever was trying to board the station.

"So what do we do now?" she asked Miles, as all three of them dodged out of the way of a large wheeled trolley caring weapons and ammunition.

"We find your commander and get you ready for combat," he replied.

They turned in the direction of the control room, and found Patton, Bradley, Ryan, and Brian running in the opposite direction. "About face, troops!" Patton shouted at them. "We've got some experimental weapons to acquire!"

Clair pointed towards the door they had just come through. "No need to rush, sir. It's, like, right in here."

The whole group moved quickly back into the weapons room, spreading out to make room as soon as each person made it inside. The door slid shut as the last person, Brian, went in.

Bradley cleared his throat to let everyone know that he was about to speak, then crossed his arms behind his back and started pacing. "Alright, listen up. Somehow, someone's managed to lock onto our teleporter signal. They're going to be sending guys straight to us, and, as much as I hate to say it, you guys are really the only experienced squad that's currently here. We've got troops, but they're all green as grass. They're going to need your help."

"We're ready to fight, sir," Patton informed him. He turned to face the rest of his team. "Right guys!"

Ryan pumped his fist in the air. "Oh, rah!"

Bradley shook his head and smiled under his helmet. "Not yet you aren't. Help yourself to anything in this room." He motioned around, indicating the mass of weapons surrounding them. "Just be careful; most of this stuff's still being tested, so try not to break anything."

"I think we can be careful," said Amber coolly, while continuing to admire the Focus Rifle that she had just been given.

"Someone should probably watch the Blue, though," Miles suggested.

Bradley turned to find Brian pulling random things off of the wall and looking at them before discarding them.

"No cupcakes!" the Blue mumbled to himself in complaint.

Bradley batted the Blue away with this glove, then turned to face the Yellows again. "We don't have much time. Captain Sinclair?"

Clair grabbed two Spikers from the wall and rapidly filled her ammunition pouches with extra rounds. "I'm good. Amber?"

"Me, too." Amber hefted the Focus Rifle

"And what about Ryan?" Bradley wondered out loud.

Everyone turned to find Ryan carrying an armload of massive weapons. "So much stuff!" he commented happily, quickly putting as many of the weapons on his armor as he could. "I think I'm ready- wait, no. I gotta grab this." He pulled off another weapon from the wall. It was massive, with large sweeping curves of yellow metal. The ammunition seemed to consist of green cylinders that glowed softly.

"Careful, that's a Fuel Rod Gun," Miles cautioned. "It's a bit unstable. Don't jerk it around too much or it could misfire."

"A weapons specialist in an experimental armory; just like a kid in a candy store," Patton remarked, smirking underneath his helmet. "Well, I'm ready to go whenever you guys are-whoa!" He stopped dead.

"What's up, bro?" Bradley asked, spinning to face Patton.

"That," he responded, pointing. He walked over to the far corner of the room, where he picked up what looked like a giant hammer. It was almost as long as he was in his armor, and when he lifted it up it gave Patton a majestic appearance. The head of the hammer seemed to crackle, bolts of energy skittering across it.

Patton's team stared in awe at the weapon.

"That thing is _huge_!" exclaimed Ryan, almost dropping his load of weapons in shock. "What the heck does it _do_?"

"It's called a Gravity Hammer," explained Miles. "It's one of our most iconic inventions, I think. Certainly cooler than anything we intercepted from the Greens. Whenever you hit it against something, it manipulates gravity to deal damage to everything around it. We even had a couple testers fling grenades and rockets out of their way with it! That, and it's heavy enough to destroy anything you use it against, even without the gravity boost."

"Oh, hell yeah! I'm taking this!" Patton exclaimed, clutching the hammer closer to him. As if it was pleased with its new master, the hammer let out a low _hum._

Bradley nodded. "Fine, but no more. We're out of time." He held up his wrist, which had a tacpad on it. The screen flashed red, and the assembled soldiers could see a countdown on the screen running down quickly. "The contacts are seconds from opening a teleport link to this station."

Ryan started walking to the door. "C'mon, guys! Let's try this new shit out!"

"Hell yes!" Patton cried in agreement as the soldiers filed out.

* * *

Near the point where the Yellows had teleported in, there was a flash of light that shone like day. It lasted for only half a second or so, and when it faded, sixteen brown colored soldiers stood there, weapons at the ready. The four in the front group, the lead soldiers, had pink secondary colors on their armor. The twelve arranged behind them had none.

"This is the right place, ya?" one lead soldier asked the others in a distinctly German accented voice.

They all nodded. "Ya, Yeah, this is it," added a second soldier, who also had a German accent.

"Good, good," the first lead soldier said, turning to the other three. "So, we all know the plan, right?"

The others nodded. The third spoke; he, too, had an accent. "Ya, but you say it so nice, Gunther. Go over it again, ya?"

The first lead soldier, Gunther, nodded. "Ya, you like when I'm bossy, ya? Okay, plan is this: Fritz?"

"Ya?" Asked the second soldier, turning to look at Gunther.

"You take some guys and go 'round the side, 'kay?

Fritz nodded. "Ya."

"And Otto?"

"Ya?" The third asked, turning around to look at Gunther.

"You go up the steps to the top level, 'kay?"

Otto nodded pleasantly. "Ah, Gunther, you know I like to be on top."

Gunther nodded in response. "Ya, now Frank?"

"Yeah?" said the final soldier, who hadn't said anything during the conversation. Unlike the others, he actually had an American accent.

"You go down the middle," Gunther explained.

"Eh, works for me." Frank shrugged.

"Good, ya? Now move out!" Gunther ordered.

The groups separated out, with three soldiers following behind each of the lead soldiers in the directions that their leaders were told to go according to Gunther's plan.

* * *

Patton and the Yellows raced along the hallway, their newfound weapons at the ready. Up ahead, the sounds of gunfire could be heard. Soon they came to the end of the hallway, and ran straight into a full on battle between Yellow soldiers and four people in brown armor. The Yellows were putting up a good fight, but were slowly being pushed back.

Patton stopped, and the others almost ran into him. " _Brown_?" he wondered aloud, seeing the enemy combatants. "As of when in the fuck was there a _Brown_ Army?"

"It's not an army." Bradley explained. "The Brown Independent Combatant Coalition is just a group of mercenaries. Pretty efficient ones, too. But they're no true army. Whoever is behind the base destructions in the Wilderness probably hired them."

"How good, exactly?" Patton asked, eying the brown-armored hostiles.

"Well, they aren't Mandelorians, that's for sure."

"Wait," Ryan interrupted, turning to look at Bradley. "You know-"

"Yup. Star Wars. Huge fan," Bradley elaborated. "Good stuff, really."

"Cool! We should talk some stuff over sometime."

"Now isn't the time!" Patton bellowed. "Our boys are getting nailed to the wall down there! Let's get these guys!"

"Already on it," Ryan said. He took out a weapon that he thought he remembered was some kind of grenade launcher and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened for a moment, then the front of the launcher spun, split apart into four oval sections, made a _thump,_ and a glowing blue grenade flew out of it. It stuck to one of the brown soldier's legs. He looked down and had time to let out a cry and jump back in shock. An instant later, the grenade went off and he went to bits. The blast sent another Brown near him flying.

"Hey guys, let's not let Ryan have all the fun," Amber suggested as she took out her Focus Rifle. She pointed in at one of the two remaining Browns (who apparently was the leader, judging by the pink secondary colors on his armor) and held down the trigger. A continuous purple plasma beam shot out of it, emitting a sound like a bolt of lightning. It impacted the Brown's shield and took it out a second later, but the mercenary managed to take cover before Amber could finish him off.

Clair took out both of her Spikers and let loose on the other Brown. The spikes traveled surprisingly slowly through the air, but the Brown still got caught in the hail of them and plastered to the wall behind him a moment later. Shields and armor didn't protect against the superheated projectiles. Clair turned to take out the last Brown and discovered four more of them had arrived on the landing directly above him, lead by another soldier with pink secondary armor colors.

"You're in a bit of pinch, ya?" The brown-and-pink soldier called down to the Brown in cover in a heavily-accented voice. "You save _my_ ass sometime after this, 'kay? You owe me one."

"Anytime, Otto!" the Brown in cover responded, also with an accent. "Just take care of these guys!"

"Ah, a perfect view from which to shoot guys from," the lead Brown on the landing said while looking down at the Yellows. "I told you being on top was an enjoyable position!"

Clair looked around, waiting for Patton's order to fire, and discovered that Patton was gone. "Where'd the Commander go?" she asked Bradley.

The Lord High Commander General shrugged. "Probably off killing dudes in his own way, just like always." His COM beeped without warning and he answered it. "Ah, hey, bro…I see…you've gotten two squads, and we've gotten one, so the only remaining Brown squad is the guys up on the landing…I always liked that hammer...ah…yes, that's a good idea." He closed the COM.

Clair stared at him. "Well, where is he?"

"Oh, you'll see!" Bradley chuckled. Clair, feeling slightly unnerved, went back to facing the Browns.

The lead Brown on the landing motioned for his soldiers to open fire on the Yellows, but then he heard someone humming from behind him and turned around. Patton stood there, less than a meter from the lead Brown, wielding his Gravity Hammer. The Brown was able to pick up something about "Banhammer" whatever that was, from the song Patton was humming to himself. A moment later, Patton stopped humming and readied his hammer.

"And now, young fools, you die," Patton said coldly. Without warning, he beelined towards the Browns and, with a war-cry of "It's HAMMERTIME!" slammed his hammer into the ground. Space seemed to ripple slightly around the point of impact, and the floor under hammers head dented impressively. An instant later all four of the Browns on the landing went sailing off of it to impact onto the walls and ceiling of the room, weapons and gear flying in all directions. Without pause, Patton dropped down from the landing and prepared to hammer the last remaining Brown, who was now cowering before him in his place of former cover.

"Leave this one alive," ordered Bradley. "We do need at least one prisoner, to tell us who the hell paid these guys to attack us…and gave them the frequency for our teleporter!"

Patton nodded and promptly smacked the Brown on the top of the helmet with the butt of the hammer. The Brown sank to the ground, unconscious.

"That's all the Browns," Bradley stated, after checking with the station's security teams. "A force of sixteen of them attacked, I've been informed, and including our new prisoner we can account for all of them." He paused, thinking. "Strange, that they would send such a small force to attack a major army's command..."

"They're mercs." Ryan suggested as he placed the grenade launcher on his back. "They get paid to fight, not think."

Two Yellow soldiers came over with a stretcher and put the comatose Brown onto it. One of the soldiers, a medic, quickly looked him over and said: "He should be awake in a few hours. He'll have quite a headache, but he should be fine aside from that."

"Pity." Patton growled.

"Put him in the interrogation room," Bradley ordered. To the Yellows, he said: "Since it'll probably be awhile before the prisoner's awake, I'd say we should all get some R&R. Feel free to use the station's accommodations. Well, if you need me, I'll be in my quarters." He nodded at Patton, who bumped fists with him, and walked off.

"That was fun," Patton said as he walked over to join the rest of his team. He stretched and groaned. "I enjoyed that."

"Me too," exclaimed Ryan. "Got a ton of weapons. I only got to try out, like, one of them, though. Still, that one was _awesome_."

"There's a shooting range on the west side of the station," said Miles helpfully from his spot next to the unconscious Brown. He was busy stripping the soldier of his armor and anything that could possibly provide information. "Just follow the signs."

Ryan nodded and took off eagerly, mass of weaponry clanking as he jogged away.

"I want cupcakes," Brian complained.

"Hey, boss, I'm actually a bit hungry myself." Amber noted. "I'm could take the Blue to the mess hall."

"Go right ahead." Patton waved the sniper off, and she hurried off in the direction of the mess, Brian trailing happily behind.

Patton shook his head slightly as he watched them leave, then turned to Clair. "I'm gonna go get some rest." He told her. "Call me if anything happens."

"Yes sir." Clair replied. "I think I'll go keep an eye on Ryan, make sure he doesn't accidentally blow up the station."

"A good plan." Patton agreed. Clair saluted, and quickly left, following the signs to the firing range.

Patton watched her leave, then unsealed his helmet long enough to rub his eyes and went off to find his quarters.


	25. STUPID QUESTIONS

A couple of hours passed while the Yellows set up in their quarters and Ryan tried out the many new weapons he had acquired in the testing range. After taking a short nap (which would have been longer had Ryan not been yelling in excitement loudly enough to be heard across the station), Patton decided to go back to the control room to check in with his brother and see how things were progressing. He found Bradley there, again staring deep in thought at the tactical monitors. He cleared his throat to make the Lord High Commander General aware of his presence.

"Ah, so you're awake." Bradley noticed. Patton nodded.

"Yeah, Ryan woke me up. But hey, I wasn't really that tired anyway." He shrugged. "Still kinda pumped from that little skirmish with the Browns. Gotta say, that really was fun."

"No arguments from me on that." Bradley agreed heartily. "I haven't seen action in a while now. Feels good to give out some ass-whooping again."

"Hell yes." Patton nodded in agreement, then jerked his head up as he remembered something. "Oh, on the subject of ass-whooping, could I borrow the Hammer?" Patton asked, indicating the large weapon now slung across his back.

Bradley let out a laugh. "Certainly! If there's any weapon on this station that needs some field work, it's that thing. And you _do_ look good using it, that's for damn sure. Not as good as with your shotgun, but still pretty badass!"

"Oh, Lucy?" Patton pulled out his shotgun and looked it over. "I always like to give her a little 'Bang Bang,' if y'know what I mean!" At that, they both had a good bellowous laugh. Or rather, Patton started, and Bradley joined in a second later, after glancing at Lucy and muttering her name. The simultaneous laugh continued for several seconds, and they both stopped laughing at almost exactly the same time, though Patton ended his laughing spree with one bellow that seemed more forced than he intended. "Oh, hey, speakin' of Browns," He said as he caught his breath. "What happened to the prisoner?"

"Him? Oh, we put him in a room in the warehouse."

"The what?"

"The warehouse. Y'know, the 'house' with a 'ware' in front of it."

Patton crossed his arms. "I know what a warehouse is. We have one in our base, remember? It's just, I had no idea you had one on this space station."

"Oh, yeah," elaborated Bradley. "In case you hadn't noticed, this station is _massive_. We've got warehouses, science labs, hanger bays, armories…you name it, we've got it."

"All-you-can-eat-buffet?" Patton asked hopefully. Bradley snorted.

"Where do you think we get all the cupcakes?" he replied. Patton laughed quietly.

"Figures. Anyway, why, exactly, is the prisoner in a warehouse? Shouldn't he be in an interrogation room or a cell?" Patton inquired.

"We keep the interrogation rooms _in_ the warehouse." Bradley informed him. "It's not really a warehouse, actually. More of a 'multi-purpose space'. It's basically a giant, empty hanger, and we have a bunch of random walls and doors and stuff we can wheel into place whenever we need a specific room."

"Okay…never heard of _that_ design before." Patton muttered.

Bradley then let out a long sigh. "The guy in charge of designing the layout of this station was a Blue. Just don't ask."

Patton snorted. "Wait, wait, wait. This station, the headquarters of the entire Yellow Army, was designed by a _Blue_? What the _fuck?_ "

Bradley sighed again. "It's a long story that takes place way before there were only three armies left in the war. What you've gotta understand is…we had some desperate times early on, _really_ desperate times, bro."

Patton nodded. "I know. I was in several, remember. Alliances were necessary then that wouldn't apply very well today. This station was built just after the Blues joined the war, wasn't it? So we would have been allies at that time. Now I get it."

"Exactly," Bradley confirmed. "Remember the Orange Army?"

"Yeah." Bradley sighed again, this time wistfully. "That colorblind chick, what was her name…"

"Can't remember myself." Patton admitted. "K-something. Sounded Hawaiian."

"That's the girl. Whatever happened to her?"

"Last I saw, she got captured by the Greens during the last big Orange offensive. Which reminds me," Patton continued, "I almost got some Greens to try to help us figure out what's going on with all the destroyed bases."

Now it was Bradley's turn to snort. "You did _what?_ "

Patton shook his head. "Oh, it's nothing." He said offhandedly. "We fought some Blues together, but split up after that. You can forget about it."

"I think I will," stated Bradley, sounding slightly relieved.

Patton took out his shotgun again. "Well, anyway, can I see the prisoner now, find out what he knows?"

"Sure!" said Bradley. "Our main interrogator went on medical leave a few days ago and won't be back for a couple more days. He's all yours."

"How convenient." Patton decided.

Bradley led Patton out of the command center and deeper into the station, and into the warehouse itself, which, in keeping true to its name, was a large room with lots of industrialized equipment scattered all over the place. In the far corner were several small rooms with windows looking in at them from the outside, which Bradley mentioned were tinted to be one-way so that prisoners could not see out. Patton spotted the Brown prisoner in the room second from the left, seated behind a bare table. As he passed, he saw that the other cells were empty, except for a Yellow soldier who was busy petting and feeding an extremely fluffy black cat.

"What's with him?" he asked, indicating the soldier. Bradley glanced over at the cell.

"Oh, he's feeding Cuteness McFluffymuffins. He's the station's cat. Keeps mice and other varmints out of our equipment and the food stores."

"Ah. Nothing like Mother Nature to solve a problem, right?"

"Damn right. Plus, he's just so damn cute!"

Patton glanced into the cell again, where the cat was currently rubbing itself against the soldier's leg.

"Agreed."

The two moved further down to the Brown's cell.

"Have fun," said Bradley as Patton went through the door.

As he stepped in, Patton could see that the Brown wasn't restrained in any way. For a moment, he wondered what the hell was going on. Then he noticed the large metal collar around his neck. Patton recognized it instantly, having worn one himself during one of his earliest missions; a neural jammer, a device which, when activated, effectively stopped all active brain signals from traveling to the body, while keeping all the involuntary things (like breathing and heartbeat) going. As soon as the prisoner saw Patton, he started quivering, but a few seconds later got his courage up and looked at Patton strongly. "I plead the fifth," he stated.

Patton simply stared at him in confusion, then smacked him across the visor with the palm of his hand, then the back of it, hard enough to knock the Brown off balance. As soon as the Brown recovered, Patton asked him calmly: "Who paid you to attack this station?"

"I want a lawyer."

"Who paid you to attack this station?" Patton repeated while taking in a breath to keep his patience, which he was having a difficult time doing.

"Do I get a lawyer?"

"No," Patton growled.

"What about a phone call?"

Patton smacked the unfortunate Brown across the face again, this time hard enough to leave a large dent on his helmet metal. "What does this look like, a police station?" he roared, as the Brown attempted to move his helmet back into place without using his hands. "You are a prisoner of war! The only thing you _get_ is the chance to willingly tell us your information! Now, who sent you?"

"I'm really not at liberty to tell you that."

Patton took out Lucy and slowly loaded three rounds into the barrel, making sure the Brown saw every detail of every motion, then yanked the slide a bit harder than necessary. The sound of the first shell sliding into the firing chamber echoed loudly through the empty interrogation room.

"Please don't hurt me," the Brown quietly begged, fear in his visor.

"Tell me who paid you to attack this station and I won't have too." Patton said calmly.

The Brown took a deep breath and thought for a moment before answering: "Well, the thing is that, considering I'm a mercenary, that's really kind of a stupid question."

Patton stopped and stared at the merc. " _What_ did you say?"

"I said it's a stupid question."

Patton slammed his fist down on the Brown's helmet, almost knocking it off completely. "I _never_ ask stupid questions!"

"Um, actually, you kind of just did." The Brown replied quietly.

Patton aimed Lucy's barrel straight at the Brown's face. "Say that to Lucy!"

"To who?" The Brown's eyes crossed as he attempted to look at the shotgun.

"To Lucy!"

"What, you mean the shotgun?" The Brown sounded amazed.

"This is no ordinary shotgun," shouted Patton as he loaded a fourth round into its barrel. "I've made some _special_ modifications to her! Let's just say…you _don't_ want to find out what they are."

The Brown shrunk back in nervousness, obviously running through all the shotgun modifications he knew and not liking any of them. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you!"

"Bout damn time!" Patton roared, dropping Lucy slightly. "So then, who was it?"

"S-some guys who hired me."

Patton stopped dead for a moment. He blinked under his helmet.

"Oh, really?" he laughed sarcastically. "I would never have guessed."

The Brown nodded, apparently feeling a bit braver with his information. "Y-yeah. The war between you and the other two sides makes good money for mercs, y'know. Lesser factions always want a piece of the big three. So they call us to help."

Patton crossed his arms, after slinging Lucy over his back. "Wait, you mean to tell me it wasn't the Greens?"

"They definitely weren't Green or Blue, that's for sure!" The Brown said eagerly.

"Oh." Patton felt a sudden surge of disappointment. "I just hoped it was the Greens, is all. I already know where their base is-" He realized he was letting the Brown know information unnecessarily and stopped himself. "So, what color are they, then?"

The Brown smiled slyly. "I'll give you a hint…Green, Yellow, Blue, Brown, even Orange not so long ago…only so many colors left." He giggled to himself at his joke.

Patton slammed his fist on the table before him and the Brown. "I don't have time for twenty questions!"

The Brown took a breath. "Well, I heard them say something about attacking an underground Yellow base in a canyon, in some wilderness, I think-"

"Say what?" Patton shouted in a mixture of surprise and horror.

The Brown laughed to himself. "I just gave you some, like, reeeally bad news, didn't I?"

Patton pointed the Lucy's barrel directly at the Brown's face. "A Yellow base, in a canyon, in the Halothrii Wilderness. This is where they plan to attack next. You're sure?"

The Brown nodded. "Yup, that's the one."

Patton stood up, nodded his thanks to the Brown, then slammed Lucy's butt into his face. The soldier's nose broke with a loud crack, and he dropped like a rock to the floor, unable to move due to the collar. Patton glanced at his form as he made for the door. "Thanks for the info. Just don't get too comfortable...I'm coming back!" He went out the door quickly.

The moment Patton emerged from the interrogation room, his mood changed from calm to, for maybe the third time in his entire military carrier, close to panicked.

"Whoa, is everything okay, boss?" asked Ryan, who had just entered the warehouse and was walking towards him, soda and sandwich in hand.

"We've gotta get back to base, now!" Was his surprisingly frantic response.

"What, so soon?" Bradley exclaimed in surprise. "You just got here! Stay a while, bro! We're having a CQB tournament in a couple days!"

Patton shook his head. "I'd love to, but can't. I just learned that my hunch was right; the guys who hired the Browns are going to attack a Yellow base; ours!"

Stunned silence followed, broken only by Ryan dropping his soda in shock.

Clair, who had joined the group just after Ryan, was standing next to Bradley, and she asked: "You mean the team that hired the Browns was another small faction?"

Patton nodded. "Yes, and they're going to attack our base at any moment! Hobar, start packing our stuff!"

Ryan narrowed his eyes, thinking of the things he was required to pack. "Um, with all the stuff I found in the armory, that could take some time-"

"I said _do it_!" Patton commanded him loudly, voice filled with conviction.

Knowing better than to argue further, especially when Patton's adrenaline got flowing, Ryan saluted and left the room quickly, stuffing his sandwich into his mouth as he did.

On his COM, Patton called Amber. When she picked up after a few seconds, he told her: "Stone, pack your stuff. We need to leave, now! Don't ask, we just have to go ASAP!"

She responded in a groggy voice: "…What…I was about to go to sleep…what the hell is going on?"

"Our base could be under attack," he informed her. "Meet us at the teleporter in three."

Patton could almost hear her perk up. "Under attack? Yes, I'll be right there-"

"Good." Patton deactivated his com. He and Clair started making their way hurriedly to the teleporter. Bradley followed behind.

"So, who's this other faction, then?" Clair asked as they walked down the hallway.

"I didn't ask."

"What? Why not?"

" Our base is the next target, remember? Didn't have time to ask."

"Oh." Clair shrugged. "I just thought I might like to know what we're up against."

Patton laughed. "Are you kidding? The 'know your enemy' saying is just something chess players say to look cool." His voice rose as he spoke, indicating the rapidly rising levels of adrenaline and anticipation in his system. "Don't believe _everything_ you see on TV, for war's sake! Whatever comes, we take it out, that's the Yellow Army strategy!"

"Should I send any troops along with you?" Bradley asked as the group neared the teleporter.

Patton shook his head. "None necessary. They're attacking _my_ base, and that makes it personal!" He yanked Lucy off his back and slammed the grip into his palm and slid enough shells into the receiver to have a full magazine. "I'll teach those fools, whoever they are, to think twice before attacking a Yellow establishment!"


	26. TOOTHPICK ON A STICK

The Yellows convened at the teleporter and then went together back to the Wilderness. One after another, they emerged from the teleporter near the now ruined Blue Base.

The sun had long since set, and the group quickly snapped on the taclights installed in their weapons and helmets. Brian, in an attempt to be helpful, decided to help everyone see by lighting off a flashbang grenade, but Amber was able to stop him before he could pull the pin. When Clair checked the time on her HUD, she discovered that it was getting close to midnight. _Attacking us when were supposed to be sleeping; I hate these enemies already,_ she thought to herself. She looked ahead to see the Yellow's Falcon waiting for them, illuminated by her teammates lights.

"I'd normally go on a turret, but I think I might pass this time," said Ryan. He carried a giant duffel bag of weapons on his back that he'd taken from the armory on Yellow Command. The bag was so large that he looked like a yellow Santa Clause while carrying it, and was bent over, even with the strength-enhancing abilities of his armor.

Amber eagerly hopped into his turret instead, and Ryan climbed into one of the passenger seats, setting the bag of weapons down into the seat next to him and keeping his hand on it, partially to keep it from sliding off if the Falcon turned, and also in a sort of possessive way. Patton climbed into the pilot seat, pulling the ever curious Brian out of it as he did so. Clair finally decided to take the turret opposite Amber, then noticed that Brian's seat happened to be right next to her and found herself slightly regretting her decision. Seconds later, they were off. The night wind whistled past the Yellows in a strangely hypnotic tune. It seemed longing, like it was without something very important.

The Falcon's journey back to the warehouse landing pad was not long, but very, very quiet. Each member of the team readied themselves for combat in their own ways. Patton set the mechanical bird down on the designated landing pad, and everyone hopped out, with the exception of Ryan, whose exit was more like a _thunk_ because of the weapons sack he carried with him.

"Let's search the base, the enemy may already be here," Patton advised. At his command, the Yellows fanned out, weapons at the ready and eyes on their motion trackers. The search took a surprisingly short time, and only minutes later everyone returned to the warehouse.

"No one is here," complained Amber, holstering the Magnum she'd been using. "Can I go to sleep now? It's one in the freaking morning!"

"Ditto," agreed Ryan, then yawned massively.

"Negative." Rejected Patton. "We're at Threat Level Alpha here! The enemy could attack at any moment! And if it's one thing I've learned, it's always the instant we let our guard down when they'll attack-" He noticed that everyone else had left the room, with the exception of Clair, who seemed to have simply climbed back into the Falcon and gone to sleep in one of the seats. His sentence echoed off the walls.

Patton sighed and unslung Lucy. "Okay, fine! Sleep, you useless ninnies!" he growled, mind slipping into obscure slang due to lack of sleep. Under his breath, he muttered to himself: "You can sleep for a few hours, but I'll get you ready for battle soon enough!" He laughed to himself, then quietly slipped away into the halls to watch for any enemies.

Patton waited for the next two hours for his team to get some sleep, then, using his base command override code, activated the fire alarm.

"Heads up!" he howled into his COM. "We've got incoming! Everyone to your posts! Move it! Double time!"

His team was ready faster than he could have hoped for. He set them up with their own defensive positions, and then restarted his routine of pacing through the base, searching like a deep ocean leviathan for any signs of prey in its territory.

Two hours later, his COM beeped. It was Bradley.

"Bro, how's it going down there?" he asked.

"To say 'fine' would be an understatement," Patton replied tiredly, before grunting as he sat down against the corridor wall.

"Ah, so you're better then 'fine,' then."

"Oh, yeah. The defense is going quite nicely. Hobar is taking care of perimeter defense and Sinclair is taking care of radar monitoring."

"And your sniper?"

"Stone? Oh, she's performing excellently. She's scouting atop our entrance structure."

"And what about that Blue prisoner? What are you doing with him?"

Patton sighed and pulled his helmet up just enough to wipe the bottom half of his face. "The most I can with a Blue. He's covering the supply closet. I gotta hand it to the little goober, though. He really is trying his hardest to be useful, which is far more then I can say for an average Blue. He sure is an interesting find. I've never encountered another Blue like him…and I think we've both encountered our share of Blues!"

"Got that right!" Bradley agreed. "Well, it seems like you've got everything covered!"

"Oh, yeah! No worries here! When that other team arrives, they won't stand a chance!"

"Excellent. Anyway, got some news for you; our interrogator heard that we had a prisoner and came back. He'll be grilling that Brown within the hour. I'll check in with you later with any info he gleans from him."

"And I'll enjoy reporting our victory to you when you do!" Patton grinned as he turned off his COM.

Another three hours passed, and Patton's team remained vigilant throughout them all. But as dawn's light entered through the warehouse window, the Yellow's concentration began to wane like a setting sun.

"Anything yet, boss?" Ryan asked through his COM from his position overseeing several automated turrets atop the base.

"When the killing starts, I'll let you know!" Patton responded testily. Personally, he was asking the same question.

"I'm still not picking up anything on radar, sir," Clair reported.

"Nothing?" Patton asked, inhaling sharply. "Check the system! They could be jamming us!"

"Like the Empire did at the Battle of Endor!" Ryan jumped in.

"Hobar, no Star Wars references!" Patton ordered.

"I meant nothing of importance. The system's working just fine." Clair clarified. "I'm getting hits, but it's just birds and-" She stopped. "Flashbang!"

Patton shot up. "Where?"

"The supply closet."

Patton hustled as fast as he could to the closet and threw the door open. Brian stood there in a daze.

"Can't see…" the Blue complained. "Flashbangs don't help you see after all!"

Clair asked through the COM: "Boss, are we under attack or not? Talk to me!"

"False alarm," Patton responded. "The Blue just learned a valuable lesson about flashbangs. That's all."

"Oh, that's what it was. Should've known. Well, I'll keep watching the radar."

"Sure thing," Patton replied. "Stay frosty." He slammed the closet door on Brain and resumed his circuit through the base.

"When did you think they might attack?" Ryan asked him through the COM some minutes later.

"I keep telling you, they could come at any moment!" Patton hissed.

"What if they know we know about them and called off the attack?" inquired Amber..

"We don't know that," Patton stated. "Be vigilant! They could be at an entrance as we speak!"

"No, they're not," Amber reported. "I've got a clear line of sight on the front door, and there ain't nothing there but those busted Blue vehicles from earlier."

"When can I come out of here?" Brian asked from inside the supply closet.

"Shut up, private," said Patton.

Brian started to point out that he wasn't a private, let alone a soldier of any rank under Patton's command, then thought better of it and went back to watching the door.  
Another half hour passed.

" _Now_ can I come out?" Brian asked again.

"No," answered Patton testily.

"This is really starting to get boring," Ryan said over the COM. In the background, Patton swore he heard a movie playing on Ryan's portable media player. Judging from the sounds of lasers and explosions and starship engines, he was watching Return of the Jedi.

"Still nothing on radar, boss," Clair informed tiredly. "I really don't think anyone is coming."

Patton took in a deep breath. "They _will_ be here! I guarantee you!"

To himself he decided; "Ah, well! I suppose it is time for a pep talk!"

He took in a long breath that would serve as the foundation for the speech he was about to give. "Everyone listen up-" He was interrupted by the sound of his COM chiming. Hesitantly, he answered. The rest of his team listened over the COM in confusion as he talked to the person on the other end. "Um, yes, who is it…no, I don't want any toothpicks on a stick, goodbye." He ended the call and turned back to the rest of his team. "Now, as I was saying-" His COM started up again. Annoyed, he answered it a second time. It turned out to be the same person. "No, I already told you, I do NOT want toothpicks on a stick. Go away." Again, he prepared to speak to the rest of his team, but his COM beeped a third time. Patton made strangled growling noise, then answered. At the top of his voice, he shouted into the com: "WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE, GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT ANY TOOTHPICKS ON A DAMNED STICK! IF YOU CALL AGAIN, I WILL PERSONALLY SHOVE MY SHOTGUN UP YOUR-"

"Jesus Christ, bro, take it easy!" Bradley shouted back, loud enough for the rest of Patton's team to hear him.

"Oh, sorry, bro. thought you were someone else." Patton took a deep breath to calm himself." Um, what's up?"

"It's alright," Bradley laughed, accepting Patton's apology. "I habitually prank call the engineers here at Command to tell them Scotty needs beaming up. I guess that makes us even."

Patton cleared his throat. "Uh, I'm kind of am in the middle of a pep talk right now. The enemy didn't attack when they were scheduled to, and now everyone but me is having doubts. So, wait, why did you call?"

At length, Bradley explained: "We've done a more thorough interrogation. It turns out that the Brown prisoner was lying. Turns out he's not a grunt like we thought; he was one of the planners of the attack on Command. He had looked up the location of your base in the station database during the invasion, and then told of a false attack on it when you were talking to him to convince you to leave the room before you forced to him to reveal the identities of his employers."

Patton took a deep, angry breath. "So, the Brown lied to us. My base isn't about to be attacked."

"Yup, it looks that way. Sorry, bro."

Patton stood completely still for several seconds. And then, the storm broke. He let out a frustrated battle cry. "That….that… _son_ ofa…sonofa….Son of a Toothpick on a Stick! I should'a known! God DAMN IT!"

"Don't beat yourself up." Bradley said soothingly. "You're a soldier, not an interrogator. You can't tell if someone is lying or not. Besides, if anything, it's a good thing you didn't get it from him; our interrogator said he hasn't had this much fun getting intel from a subject in years."

"Alright." Patton took a deep breath. "Did you at least get the identities of the employers of that MOTHER- I mean, of the prisoner?"

"Not yet, unfortunately. But we did get an interesting signal over our intercept radio while we were grilling him. Came through over his armor's COM too. A Green signal. Since it looks like your base isn't in any danger, we want you to check out."

Gaining interest in what Bradley was telling him, Patton calmed down a bit. "A _Green_ signal, eh? I _really_ want to kill something, and this is sounding interesting. What do you have for me to do, exactly?"

* * *

Jess sat in the radio room, feet up on a supply crate. She was watching TV with Nome while they waited for Kenny and Skope to meet them so that they could discuss what to do to find Avalanche Team. She switched between channels, looking for something to watch. Nome tapped her shoulder when she came upon an episode of Lost.

"Ah, Lost, a masterful show," he commented. "I believe we can watch this."

"Works for me." Jess agreed, before going back to her other activity; combing her slightly-longer than regulations brown hair.

On the screen, two people sat hiding in a bush on an island.

"Are we found yet?" asked one.

"No," replied the other sadly.

"What about now?"

"Still, no."

"Damn."

"Time traveling bunny rabbits," the second person offered helpfully.

"Time traveling bunny rabbits…of course!" the first person realized. "I should've known all along. This explains everything!"

"Wait, I have acquired an idea!" Nome said suddenly as he shot up from where he was sitting. "Open the radio to Channel 51, immediately!"

"Huh? 51? Why?" Jess asked, startled out of her grooming. "Is that about the show? Cause I think that's a military channel."

"No," he replied. "I may have remembered a way that we can discover the new location of the research facility!"

"Um, oookaay…" Jess remarked while doing so. She stood up and tapped a few buttons on the radio, which was in the same structure as the TV, and soon the sound of static became audible from the speakers. "It's static. I don't have the slightest idea what you were expecting, Nome, but-"

"Slow it down by forty one point five two times," Nome requested quickly.

"What? Why?"

"The static is repeating itself. Can you not hear it?"

Jess listened for a moment. Sure enough, barely discernible through the hiss, was a rhythm. "Yeah, I guess it kind of is. I'll slow it down." She tapped a few more buttons. The static slowed down over the next couple seconds as it was filtered through the radio's built-in computer. As it did, something quite unexpected became audible.

A voice now sounded loud and clear from the speaker: "This is Green Research Team Avalanche requesting assistance from any other Green forces. We have been overrun by an enemy, no positive identification. We are pulling out, repeat, we are pulling out, and moving to coordinates Blue 36, Yellow 53, Green 45. Repeat, Blue 0, Yellow 5, Green 2. We'll leave the doors open for you, so make it fast. Avalanche Team, over and out."

Jess started: "Was that-"

"The team from the research facility? Yes," Nome confirmed. "It would seem that they evacuated to another facility. Come, Jess. We must gather the others."


	27. THE REALLY LONG EQUATION

The Greens perused the coordinates eagerly. Nome seemed to have a much better idea of where they mentioned than anyone else (who were confused by the color-related coordinates), and so he led the party forward. He led them up to the top of the eastern canyon wall. Once they got there, they could see the expanse of the ocean. They also saw an offshore structure that looked to be a mining rig. A bridge stretched some tens of meters across the water from it to the place where they were standing.

"Avalanche evacuated their weapons facility for a mining rig?" Skope wondered aloud, crossing his arms. "I know the Blues were light headed, but this-"

"I am highly certain that it is not a mining rig," Nome mentioned.

Jess switched off her media player so that she could talk to Nome. "Sure looks like one," she remarked, tilting her head to the side.

"Ah, but appearances can be deceiving," Nome laughed, clasping his hands together. "A mining rig is the perfect disguise for a secondary base of operations. If we explore it, I am quite positive that we will uncover its true nature. Now come, let us proceed."

The Greens followed Nome along the lengthy walkway to the apparent mining rig. At the bridge's end they came upon a VTOL pad. Of particular interest was the fact that a Falcon was resting upon it. The craft had obviously recently seen action; the paint was blackened in several sections, and the cockpit glass was cracked. Several holes in the fuselage dripped a thick liquid, which pooled under the split-tail section.

"Ah, wonderful evidence!" Nome mused. "You see, I informed you that Avalanche resides here."

"Or at least, someone does," Skope thought aloud. His hand wrapped itself around the grip of his magnum.

"So, if this is their base, then where the hell is everyone?" asked Kenny while looking around. "I don't see a single person, aside from us."

As if to confirm his statement, there was a sudden burst of wind that sent random bits of trash sailing across the open landing pad. A piece of paper attached itself to Jess's visor, causing her to scream and flail about until Skope ripped it off.

"An old Avalanche saying," Nome explained. "When an avalanche comes toward you, go downhill."

Kenny thought for a moment before deciding: "I don't get it."

"Neither did I when I first heard it," agreed Nome. "But now I believe it is code for determining how to enter the true base of operations here. We should search the rig to see if we can find any passage leading down."

"Might take a bit to do that as a group," Skope noted, looking around. "It might be a good idea to split up and make it faster."

"What if it's a trap?" Jess wondered all of a sudden. "Splitting up might not be the best idea."

Nome thought to himself for a moment while replying: "I agree with Skope. Splitting up is still the best course of action."

"What? Why?" Jess exclaimed.

"Because, the chances of something actually going wrong here for us are roughly 2.5 to 3 percent for every thirty-six minutes we remain here."

"Um, what?" Jess asked.

Nome took a deep breath to elaborate in great detail: "A simple math calculation, of course. The number of us here, four, multiplied by the number of remote outposts in the surrounding area, two, divided by the amount of times each of us has collectively evaded certain death within the past 120 hours, five, then multiplied again by…"

While Nome was talking, Kenny turned to Jess. "Simple? That doesn't sound simple!"

She shrugged in response. "It probably is…to him, at least. He's really good at math. I've heard him mumbling vector calculations in his sleep!"

Skope laughed. "Okay, that's just nuts! Either he's even weirder then I thought, or he is like some kind of savant or something."

"What's a savant?" Kenny and Jess asked together.

"That's a person who is really good at something specialized, like chess or drawing or piano or, well, math." He shrugged.

Kenny crossed his arms. "So, like a genius or something?"

Skope crossed his arms. "A really …weird sort of genius in his case, yeah. Who's good at one thing."

Nome seemed as though he was coming to the end of his speech. "...added to the amount of our collective weight in kilograms, 1247, minus the number of times each of us has won the lottery, which I believe is zero, unfortunately...wait, are any of you still listening to me?"

Skope and Jess nodded in unison.

"Oh, yeah…sure."

"Uh, huh. Totally."

"Wait, listening?" Kenny asked. "Listening to what?"

"He means 'yes," Skope informed Nome, before Kenny could say any more.

Nome nodded. "Ah, excellent. Now, as I was saying, this new total is squared and divided by-"

Jess put up her hands. "Nome, you can stop now. We get it!"

"You already know the equation? Alright, then: what is the percent chance of a robbery taking place inside a bank…"

As Nome continued talking, Skope decided to actually make use of the time available and wander off to search for a passage himself. A structure up north seemed like it might have some kind of route leading down, so he decided to start over there.

"...If the bank is on a commercial space transport traveling through Slipspace at zero point five two light years per hour, and the artificial gravity is off due to a malfunction in the conductor coils?" Nome finished.

"Is that a question?" Kenny asked, sounding confused.

Nome nodded. "What is the probability of a robbery taking place inside a bank with those conditions present?"

Kenny thought for a long moment before replying: "Um…really small?"

"And your guess, Retsis?" Nome asked Jess.

Jess struggled for a moment, before finally coming up with "Five?"

Nome sighed and shook his head. "Incorrect. The answer is really 0.55-1.08 percent for every 22 minutes of travel. I really have no idea how you could have arrived at 'five' as an answer. No single variable miscalculation leads to that."

"Yeah, well I don't know the equation, and if I did my head would probably explode." Jess replied.

"Good comeback!" commented Kenny.

"You mean you really do not know the equation that I just explained?" Nome asked confusedly. "But you just said that you understood the Fundamental Principles of When Something Exceedingly Stupid Happens."

Jess let out a sigh. "What I meant to say was: this might not be the best time to discuss things like this. We need to find out what is going on, deal with it, and then maybe talk about percent chances of things going wrong some other time."

Nome clapped his hands together. "Yes, I suppose you are right. Fun pastimes should not be attempted while taking care of crises in wartime."

"FUN?" Kenny almost screamed. "Not fun! Video games are fun, incinerating dudes is fun, but this is NOT fun! How can you call this fun?" He started to run at Nome, paused, reconsidered, and started attacking random objects with his fists instead.

Nome took in another deep breath as Kenny continued to smash things. "Now, to the plan. We should split up and- Skope, where have you been off to?"

Skope was returning from the walkway into the northern building. When he reached Nome, he told him: "While you were talking, I decided to go look around. I found a ladder tube that looks like it goes down under the rig. And the door was left open. Just like in the message. I think that might be where Avalanche Team should be, if that saying you quoted was true."

Nome stroked the chin of his helmet in concentration. "But the elevation for that is wrong. The Green variable coordinates they gave us would have a negative value applied to it if they were below sea level… _unless_ they were in this station when they sent the transmission, then went under sea level! Ah, yes, of course!"

"But…why would they do that?" Jess asked, scratching her neck.

"Maybe because they thought they were being followed and were about to be attacked again," Skope responded. "It would make sense to retreat down a hole to safety. It's simple good tactical thinking."

Nome continued for him: "And perhaps this happened because their sensors went awry. And maybe that happened because, as I discussed in my equation, something went wrong. There is a slightly significant chance, as we discussed-"

Kenny was walking back to them, still breathing hard, and as soon as he heard Nome start talking equations again he threw up his hands and shouted: "Please, not more of that talk again!"

Skope, ignoring Kenny, postulated: "If Avalanche Team are under this base, then they must be at the other end of that ladder I found. It's the only accessible route below the sea level. Unless they went by submarine."

"Unlikely." Nome said. "There is no sub pen on this rig."

"Well, they've gotta be _somewhere_ , don't they?" Jess commented. "Let's check it out!"

Nome clapped his hands together again, this time proudly. "Perhaps we can find answers, at last! Avalanche Team should have lots of explaining to do, and us to them!"


	28. THE LAB

The ladder went down quite a ways. Single file, the Greens descended into what they hoped was the new base for Avalanche Team. They climbed for a good ten minutes, with no end in sight. Just when they were beginning to doubt that it ended at all, they reached the end of the vertical tunnel, which simply led into medium sized box of metal. The instant Nome's foot touched the ground, some mechanism activated and a door slipped open leading into a much larger room. The Greens stepped out cautiously, weapons ready, not knowing exactly what to expect. They found themselves in a hallway that looked as though much of it had suffered damage from some type of explosion. The walls were painted black with soot, and large craters pocked the floor. One of the lights on the ceiling had been blown out, making a large dark spot in the center of the room. In the corners, the brass casings for several different sizes of ammunition glinted in the remaining light.

"What happened here?" Jess asked, looking around.

"An explosion…hmm," Nome postulated. He bent down to examine one of the craters in the floor, sticking his fingers into it and gauging the size before standing up again. "And a booby trapped one at that. This indicates that an attack took place here as well, and that does not bode well the survival of Avalanche Team."

"Well, at least there's still power in the rest of this place," commented Skope, as he noted the lights coming from the hallway at the turn ahead of them, which seemed far less damaged from the explosion. "If this place was attacked, then the attackers didn't do quite so good a job here as they did on Nome's base. Um, no offense meant by that, Nome."

"None taken." Nome said calmly, before continuing forward.

The Greens proceeded some distance further until they came to a large canyon of a room. Before them was a bridge, and they could see several other bridges crisscrossing the open section as well. The bridge directly in front of them seemed to be the highest up, and it led to an opening on the other side on the gap that was only slightly lower than their current elevation.

"This place is huge! This is awesome!" Kenny exclaimed, voice echoing in the massive space.

"It looks abandoned, though," mentioned Jess, also looking around.

"Well, only one way to know for sure!" Kenny responded, just before shouting: "Helloooooo, anyone home?" as loud as he could. Like before, his voice echoed.

They waited a few seconds; no response.

"I don't think anyone is down here," concluded Jess, as she went back to looking at something on her media player.

"I believe you to be correct, unfortunately," Nome postulated, crossing his arms and looking at the ceiling. "If anyone were here, they would have met us as soon as Ynnek called out."

Skope laughed. "Why, Mr. Obvious, thank you for stating that valuable fact! I would never have figured that out on my own!"

Nome turned to face Skope. "You are quite welcome." He said, completely ignoring Skope's sarcasm. "However, who is this 'Mr. Obvious' you speak of?"

Skope was about to respond when Kenny, who had wondered off while Nome and Skope were talking, called over to them from across the walkway. They quickly hurried over to his location. At the other end of the bridge was another hallway. Kenny was in a room to the immediate right of them as they entered it. The room was quite large, and looked to have a balcony that extended over the lower level of the complex. Of particular interest was the fact that Kenny was plastered onto the ceiling by some invisible force.

"Little help here?" He called down.

"The _fuck_?" shouted Skope in surprise as soon as he entered the room.

Nome immediately attempted to handle the situation. "What did you press?" he asked the floating Kenny. "What did you press? Tell me!"

"I didn't press anything," he responded angrily. "I just stepped in that thing!" He pointed at the ground as best he could. A pointy purple platform sat on the ground, inside what looked like a small pond, and it had a transparent blue stream of some kind flowing up out of it.

"Of course. It is a graviton field emitter," Nome recognized out loud. He reached down and touched a switch to the side of it. The instant he did, the bluish stream disappeared, and Kenny fell to the ground with a surprised cry and a crash of armor.

"Is this another one of Avalanche's experiments?" Skope wondered aloud, circling around the emitter to get a better look at it.

"Indeed," Nome responded. "I did overhear the plans for such a device as this being made before my base fell. This proves that Avalanche came here after the island complex was attacked. They must have set it up here as a defensive measure. Now, if only we can determine where they went to after that…"

"So wait, this place is another lab complex?" Jess asked as she deactivated her media player again and turned to look at Nome.

"Where scientists go, lab complexes inevitably follow," was Nome's response.

"Well, c'mon then, guys, let's check out the rest of this place!" recommended Kenny excitedly, easily shaking off the shock of falling at the mention of more experimental stuff.

Skope put his hands up to stop him. "Wait, we just had to rescue you from that…that…"

"Gravity lift," Nome informed helpfully. "That is what they codenamed it, I believe."

"Right, that gravity lift. And now you want to continue exploring so that you can find more things that can possibly make you need to be rescued again?" He took a deep breath. "Let's think this through, man!"

Kenny crossed his arms. "Okay, first of all, I'm not a Disney princess. I don't need to be rescued all the freaking time. And second, this is fun stuff! And I'm the weapons guy-"

"Specialist," Nome corrected.

"Yeah, the specialist-and so I'd be a fool not to play with more of this stuff!"

"Curiosity killed the soldier…" Nome mumbled under his breath.  
"C'mon guys," said Jess. "I'm getting bored. And if Kenny gets into trouble again we can just help him out."

"Yeah, let's do this!" shouted Kenny, as he moved down through the next hallway, fist held high in the air.

The Greens moved down to the next level, where they had to go across another bridge. There, they discovered another strange room. As soon as they entered the room, they shielded their eyes almost in unison.

"Uh, that's disgusting!" shouted Jess. "What the heck is that on the wall?"

The wall was covered in something that looked green and brown at the same time, and it was everywhere. It was lumpy and thick, and looked like it might be alive.

"It looks like someone had five tons of diarrhea…all over this room," Kenny mused in disgust, looking around before stepping back out of the room.

"Or a lot of people!" Skope commented. "That looks like a lot puke, or shit… or whatever that's supposed to be!"

"A profoundly terrible taste in wall design, indeed," Nome observed.

"And there's more of it in that container over there!" Jess exclaimed as she pointed at a corner of the room. Sure enough, a round container taller than held more of the green-brown stuff, surrounded by a thick yellowish liquid. Except the stuff inside the tank was more condensed, and looked almost bipedal. There were two other tanks in the same area, but one seemed to be broken. From its shattered base spread the same material that covered the wall, and it seemed that this tube was where the stuff on the wall had come from.

"It a giant turd!" shouted Kenny as he spotted it. "Whoever laid that must have been _huge_ …or just exploded!"

"Nah, they'd have imploded." Skope corrected. "But still…"

Jess struggled to think of anything else to describe it. "It's…it's…it's…"

"Cheese," Nome informed them as he looked at the info panel on the container.

"It's…what?" Skope asked as he gagged slightly.

"Cheese," Nome repeated. "Ah, yes, this now all makes sense. I have heard of this project before. As one of their bioexperiments, Avalanche has been attempting to make an intelligent colony of mold using cheddar cheese. I believe they were going to attempt to communicate with it. When this base was attacked, they must have had to leave all of this cheese, and because they didn't have time to deactivate the incubation system the experiment simply continued. The mold must have grown too big, gotten free from that tank there, and spread across the entire room."

Jess looked at the tank, then the wall, then turned around, yanked her helmet off, and threw up over her boots in the hallway they had just come from.

"I'm leaving," Skope informed everyone.

"Yeah, me too." Kenny agreed. They both left quickly, leaving Nome to contemplate the moldy cheese alone. Jess came back in a moment later, wiping her mouth and preparing to put her helmet back on. As she passed the tank with the large clump of mold in it, the mold itself suddenly jerked and emitted a low grumbling noise. Nome inhaled sharply.

"It speaks!" He gasped.

Jess simply stared at the mold, then at Nome, then turned around and threw up again.

After Jess managed to stop spewing chunks, she and Nome quickly left the room. They met up with the other Greens, and followed Skope down to the next room. Cautiously, they crept into the space and opened their eyes in unison. The sight that greeted them was far less volatile then they had feared. There was nothing in the room. Three giant walls faced them. No furniture. No biologically decayed cheese. Nothing.

"Well, this is a surprise, but for a very different reason," Skope said, sounding slightly relieved.

"At least we're in a room that is not totally disgusting-" commented Kenny. As soon as the word "disgusting" left his mouth, the wall opposite them slid down to reveal a giant control panel, the right wall dissolved into a massive hologram of the entire planet, and the left wall became a screen showing data files on the lab complex.

"Whoa," everyone said in unison.

"Did anyone press anything?" Nome asked. They all shook their heads. "Hmmmmmm," Nome thought out loud to himself.

They approached the control panel carefully. As they got near, they could hear sounds resembling voices coming from one of the screens. "I think it's transmitting," Jess mentioned. She took another step closer and placed the side of her helmet to the screen. "Yeah, definitely transmitting!"

She gazed over the control panel, glad to be back in her element, then hit a few keys and the voice became significantly more audible. It was the same voice that had given the earlier transmission, but it was noticably more panicked.

"Calling all Green forces in the area! This is Avalanche Team! We have taken a hiatus from the undersea lab complex for reasons that are really kind of complicated to go into right now and are now at the following coordinates: Green 38, Red 53, Magenta 3. Repeat, 38, 53, and 3. If anyone can hear this, we could really use some support. Avalanche Team out."

"And from this point on it will repeat," Nome informed the others. "Informal location broadcasts will always be on a loop."

"Standard procedure." Jess added happily.

Skope asked: "They said 'For reasons that are really kind of complicated to go into right now.' What do you suppose that means?"

"Something to do with a ton of bad cheese, maybe?" Kenny suggested, shrugging.

"Now that we have their coordinates, we can find out for sure," said Nome. "Though we should acquire transport. Those coordinates are quite far from here."

"We can take that Falcon we found on the rig above water, right?" Jess asked.

"Oh, yeah!" shouted Kenny while pumping his fist in the air. "I always wanted to drive one of those! Let's go!"


	29. THAT IS NOT TOTALLY DISGUSTING

The Greens piled into the Falcon and took off. Kenny had called the pilot seat, and so naturally he was the one flying it. It soon became apparent, however, that he was an even worse driver then Nome. He constantly swerved for no apparent reason, throwing the Falcon almost up on its side, to the point where he flipped it completely over, and whooped at the top of his lungs in excitement every couple seconds. There was even one point when it turned out that he was flying in the opposite direction from the coordinates, and had to turn the transport aircraft completely around. Because of this setback, the trip to their destination took them significantly longer than it otherwise would have, and by the time they began to near the coordinates it was already one in the afternoon. The sun stared at them menacingly from its temporary perch almost directly overhead.

Skope looked out above the turret he was holding to see nothing but the expanse of water and a rather tall island in the direction where the coordinates were supposed to be. "Um, Nome, are you sure you entered the right coordinates?" He called out. "I'm not getting any visual on a base yet."

From the other side of the compartment, Nome sighed. "Yes, I indeed entered the proper coordinates. Now, tell me what you see from your view."

"I see... nothing but more water. Oh, and a small island. Nothing on it, though."

"Hmmmmmmm," Nome thought to himself. "Ah, I know what to do! Ynnek, set us down upon the island. I feel confident that Avalanche's new location is hidden somewhere there."

"You got it!" Kenny called out.

After swerving a few more times, Kenny "landed" (more like almost crashed, in Skope's opinion) the Falcon onto the island's surface. He forgot to lower the landing gear, so the VTOL craft hit the ground belly-first. The instant friction, combined with the fact that the Falcon still had nearly all of its momentum from the flight, meant that as soon as the Falcon touched the ground everyone (except Nome, who had his crash belt on) in the passenger compartment was tossed towards the front wall. Jess was thrown far enough to fly out of the compartment completely and roll a couple of times on the ground outside.

"I'm driving next time!" Skope growled as he picked himself up from the floor, quickly checking himself over. "Jess, you alright?"

"Yeah…I think…" she groaned from outside. "Nothing's broken, that's for sure."

"That was a most unenjoyable landing," Nome commented harshly as he unbuckled himself.

Kenny let out a nervous laugh as he pulled himself out of the cockpit. "Sorry, I'm a little new at flying these things. I never really took a course in piloting-"

"I figured as much!" Jess interrupted angrily as she stood up, then stumbled. She looked around for a few seconds until she spotted her media player on the ground, lying where it had flown free of her armor, and picked it up. Anxiously, she checked to make sure it hadn't been damaged, and apparently it hadn't, because she put it away a moment later and rejoined the group.

The other three Greens quickly left the Falcon and joined Jess to explore the island they were standing on. As Skope looked around, he decided that a far more accurate name for the structure of land was "pinnacle", because the rock itself was in the shape of a tall cylinder, with the flat part they were standing on being the upper circular surface. Observing his surroundings more carefully, he noticed what looked like a manmade structure at the approximate center of the island, which consisted of a ramp leading up to a large platform with an empty teleporter frame sitting at its center.

Jess had noticed this as well, and she remarked: "Huh. This seems like a little less than a full base. Nome, are you absolutely sure that this is the right location? This is the third place we've been to, and they _still_ aren't here!"

Nome laughed politely. "Do not become fumed so quickly, my determined fellow," he said, patting Jess on the shoulder. "The first two coordinates are correct, but the variable determining elevation remains to be reached. At Magenta 3, that would put Avalanche team at a height of only three meters above sea level."

Skope looked over the edge of the island again. "The way down is a lot more than three meters. It's more like a hundred." To test his theory, he kicked a small pebble next to him off the cliff. It took several, long seconds for it to hit the water. "Yep, that's at least a hundred meters there."

"There must be a secret way in, as there was with the lab complex," Nome responded matter-of-factly. He approached the platform. As he did, something filled the air; the sound of aircraft rotors. At first, he thought that Kenny's attention span had been exhausted and he'd decided to take a joy ride in the Falcon, but then he realized that the sound was different; the engines were obviously in better shape, the drives undamaged...something he doubted that could be said about the Falcon they had arrived in. He wasn't hearing Kenny; he was hearing _another_ VTOL. He looked towards the afternoon sun to find it blocked by, sure enough, another Falcon. It was what made him go "Hmmmm," however, that was of particular interest. The Yellow Commander he had encountered a day and a half earlier, Patton, was piloting the craft. His three other team members were riding inside the airborne transport vehicle. A blue soldier was in it as well, sticking his head out the side like a dog poking its head out of a car window.

The other Greens noticed the Falcon shortly after Nome (the increasing sound of its rotors made it difficult not to hear), and surrounded the place where it would land, weapons at the ready.

Patton set the bird down with practiced grace and ease, slewing it to the side to give his team clear shots at the Greens with their weapons and the one turret facing them. He shut off the power, and as the rotors began to die down he turned to Nome and said to him: " _Medic?_ What in the name of blowing shit up are _you_ doin' here?"

Mentally, he smacked himself and wished that he'd come up with something better to say. But exhaustion was eating away at his thought processes, and that was what he'd gone with.

"Greetings to you, as well," Nome responded politely. "And as for your question: I could ask the same of you. We are here on business of our own that has nothing to do with the Yellow Army, so why it that you have come?"

Patton crossed his arms in thought while he decided on the best way of telling Nome to piss off, and had figured out that "You're here, and that makes it our business", but Ryan interrupted before the conversation between Nome and Patton could continue.

"Command was right, there are Greens here!" he shouted at no one in particular.

"You think?" Clair responded sarcastically, her calm pushed to the limit by the random crap she and her teammates had been dealing with for the last couple days. "Still, I thought Command said there'd be more. All I see is the group of Greens we encountered a day or so ago."

"If this is it, I'm gonna laugh." Amber noted.

"Yes. There should be more. A lot more," Patton elaborated quietly. "Where is the rest of your force, Medic?" he asked Nome, voice dropping. "We know they're here."

"As a matter of fact, we were just wondering that ourselves," Nome responded matter-of-factly, still amazingly calm.

"Wait, they followed Avalanche Team here too?" Kenny asked. "How did they know to come here?"

Skope put his hand over Kenny's helmet before he could say anything else, muffling his voice. "Dude, what are you doing? Shut up!" he hissed. "We don't want the Yellows to know anything they don't have to!"

"Ah, so 'Avalanche' is the name of the team hiding out here!" Patton said out loud to himself, clenching his fists. "That's a codename, I assume…"

"Dammit," Kenny cursed under his breath. Skope punched the top of his helmet.

"Idiot." He spat.

"You would do well to believe us," Nome continued, ignoring the altercation between his teammates. "We do not know where they are. We intercepted a transmission that told us they were here."

"Hey, that's the same for us, too!" exclaimed Brian. He was immediately interrupted by of chorus of "Shut the hell up!" (and similar sentiments) by everyone else, both Green and Yellow.

"We just need to figure out how to find this base," Patton continued as he talked with Nome.

"Another truce, perhaps?" Nome suggested helpfully. "I do believe our last one worked out most nicely." He glanced over at Brian, who he just seemed to notice. "I see you still have the Blue prisoner with you. So he was of some use after all."

"Yeah, I guarded a supply closet!" Brian said happily. Patton slammed his clenched fist down on the top of the Blue's helmet and he dropped to the ground with cartoon-like swiftness.

Patton chuckled, as if nothing had happened. "Oh, really. Another truce. Normally I'd laugh in your face-"

"-And then fill it full of buckshot-" Ryan added quickly, eliciting chortles from his two female allies.

"-But considering, as you said, how well we worked together during our last mix-'er-upper, I think it might work out fine. We find Avalanche Team, do whatever, and then kill each other."

"Sounds like a good plan," commented Jess. "Well, I might be a little iffy on the last part of it, but-"

"Deal," Nome agreed, reaching out his hand for Patton to shake. Patton did so, quickly, then pulled it back as if Nome had burned it. He shook his fingers for a moment, then wiped them off on his armor.

Skope sighed and slapped his hand over his visor. "Oh, here we go again!"

Ryan took his hands off of the turret he was holding so that he could lean back in the seat and cross his arms. "So now what, boss?"

Patton motioned for his team to exit their Falcon, as there was no longer any point in fortifying themselves in it now that they were in a another truce with the Greens. As soon as everyone was out and had joined the Greens in one crowd-like group around their two leaders, Patton turned to Nome so that he could rephrase Ryan's question: "Well, Medic, this truce was your idea. You damn well better have some idea for what to do next."

"We can only proceed by discovering a way into the base located here," Nome answered thoughtfully.

"I guess I was hoping you'd already figured that part out," Patton grumbled in response. "Guess I was wrong. Don't suppose you found any form of identification yet, did you? Anything that could open something up for us?"

Nome shook his head. "Not as of yet, no."

"What about a password?" Skope suggested.

"Why a password?" Jess asked.

Skope shrugged. "Avalanche Team seems geeky. Geeky people like passwords."

No one argued with his thought process.

"Well, supposing it is a password, what would it be?" Amber wondered.

"And what in the flipping heck would we say it into?" Patton put in. "Anyone see a microphone or something around? A keyboard?"

Only Brian bothered to shake his head. The rest of the group knew it was a rhetorical question.

Nome's cleverest response was to stroke the chin of his helmet and go deep in thought. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"

"Uh, Nome, dude, are you okay?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah, that's gotta be the longest 'hmmm' I've ever heard...even from him." Jess noted, taking enough time away from her media player to look at Nome.

"He's fine." Clair replied. "If he starts humming tunelessly, then we should be worried."

"I am indeed quite satisfactory." Nome said. "I am simply calculating. Give me one more moment," he responded at half attention. "Mmm- mmmmmmmmm- hum- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." He suddenly stopped and clapped his hands together excitedly. Or about as excitedly as he could act. He looked towards the platform, stood on it, and shouted: "That is not totally disgusting."

Instantaneously, a teleporter activated in the center of the platform in a brilliant flash of light. A voice recording then played out: "Password accepted. Access granted. Welcome to Avalanche Base Bravo."

Patton shook his head in disbelief and sighed. "That is not totally disgusting' was the password. What the fuck?"

"Solid copy, sir." Clair agreed, reaching under her helmet to wipe her eyes.

Most of the other soldiers gathered confirmed Clair's sentiment.

"How the hell did you figure that out?" Skope quietly asked Nome.

"Ah, it was simple," Nome laughed pleasantly, placing his hands behind his back and beginning to pace. "When we were in the control room of the lab complex, Ynnek said the words: 'At least we're in a room that is not totally disgusting,' at which point the control room revealed all of its secrets to us. I should have been aware of it then, but it was only just some moments ago that I suspected that Ynnek had unknowingly uttered the password to open up the control room. I then applied this information to our situation here, as it would stand to reason that Avalanche Team would use a common password for all of their bases, and realized that the password for entry could only be the phrase 'that is not totally disgusting."

"But, how did you know that the password didn't include the first few words of Kenny's sentence, like 'least,' or 'we're'?" Jess asked.

"I _hate_ contractions," was Nome's only response.

"And I would guess that Avalanche hate's them too." Skope noted.

Patton cleared his throat and then said: "So your private accidentally said the password before, and you knew it just from that? Damn, maybe you really _are_ smarter then you look, Medic!" He paused, then added, "But that's still not saying much."

"Why, thank you…I think," Nome said cautiously.

"That was a compliment." Amber translated. "Or, at least, the best your're gonna get from Patton."

"Then I shall take it." Nome said pleasantly.

Skope moved away from the group and began walking towards the teleporter. "Shall we?" Without further ado, he walked through, disappearing in a flash of light.

Everyone else followed him into the teleporter. They reappeared in a large round room with permacrete walls that looked to be underground, as there were no windows visible. The group spread out, weapons ready, but found nothing. Just empty space.

"Man, this place is deader than the Death Star." Ryan noted.

"Maybe not." Kenny said. Everyone turned to look at him. Kenny wasn't looking around; he was looking straight up. The rest of the group followed him line of sight.

In the center of the room, high above their heads, was a floating platform, and on it stood a crowd of about a dozen green armored soldiers. Their armor bore a grey secondary color, and on their shoulders was the stylized picture of a mountain with a wave of snow coming off it.

"It's Avalanche Team!" Jess exclaimed. "Has to be!"

"At last, my comrades, we meet again!" Nome said proudly to the people on the platform.

The soldiers on the platform each attempted to salute to Nome, but struggled in the attempt, as they all had to bring their arms up at once, and they were so cramped on the platform that they risked falling off if they moved too drastically. One of them almost fell off, but was saved at the last moment by one of his fellows grabbing the back of his armor.

"What're they doing?" Amber asked loudly, enough so that the clustered soldiers could hear her.

"What are we doing?" one of the soldiers on the platform, who was presumably their commander as he had additional coloring on his armor, asked in an annoyed tone. "What are we _doing_? I'll tell you what we are _doing_ -"

"Sir, your line," another soldier immediately behind him whispered.

"What?" the commander asked, attempting to turn around but failing in the cramped conditions of the platform.

"Your line." Repeated the soldier.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly."

"Your _line!"_

"My line? My line. My line…" The commander then let out a loud breath. "Oh, right! My line! I mean-" He cleared his throat, turned back to the Greens and Yellows, and then continued in a voice so dramatic that it was almost silly: "I bid you great welcome my fellow Greens and…you other people. Wait, who _are_ you other people? You're not Green! This is a Green base, didn't you know? Are you lost? There's a map nearby, I think…"

He waited some moments for the Yellows to respond, but they just glared at him.

Eventually he continued: "But moving on…Nome and company, your arrival is in fact of great importance. Come, for we have little time, and much to discuss."


	30. AVALANCHE TEAM

Nome waved to the commander of Avalanche Team, who was staring down at him from the platform excitedly. "Greetings, Commander. It has been far too long."

The Commander nodded. "Indeed, Nome. Far, far too long."

Nome continued in friendly conversation: "I hope that you did not have any trouble pulling back from the weapons facility. For us, finding this place and then getting here has been a significant journey."

"No, we had a relatively easy retreat," the Commander laughed. "We successfully shook off the enemy and-"

Ryan interrupted him with the loudest attempt at a throat clearing that anyone in the room had ever heard, one loud enough to make Clair worry about him hurting himself. "Okay, as much as I'm enjoying this conversation, you said you had some answers for us. Could we please get to that?"

"Wow, Ryan, who pissed in your corn flakes?" Clair commented.

"Yeah, what's your problem?" Kenny asked rudely, crossing his arms.

"I'm tired, alright?" Ryan snapped back, swinging to glare at Kenny. "Why the hell are you even asking? I'm not even on your team!"

The Avalanche Commander clapped his hands loudly, and Kenny and the Yellows instantly fell silent and turned towards him, just as they'd been trained to back in boot camp. "Calm yourselves," he said solemnly. "All shall be revealed in time. But not here. Come; let us move to a more…comfortable location." As he said this, one of his soldiers hit something on his tacpad and dramatic music started playing from speakers apparently hidden in the ceiling. The soldiers on the ground looked around in a mixture of surprise, confusion, and (in Patton's case) combat readiness, as the Yellow Commander swung Lucy off his back and into his hands the moment the music started playing.

However, none of the soldiers on the platform really moved, instead shuffling a bit every few seconds. After a few moments, the Commander held up his hand and said: "Um, hold on. I think we might be stuck."

"Great, I told you this would happen!" one of the soldiers in the center of the group complained bitterly.

"No, you didn't!" another soldier shot back.

The complaining solder crossed his arms as best he could manage. "Yes I did. I said 'This isn't going to work, we are all going to get stuck.' And look, I was right."

"Be quiet, will you!" the Commander ordered. "We'll get down." He jostled around until he had opened his tacpad. "I really didn't think I'd have to use this, but oh well…"

"Please don't," one of the soldiers pleaded. "Please, anything but that!"

"I know what I'm doing," the Commander said reassuringly.

"Oh, no, not again!" the complaining soldier exclaimed. "Someone stop him-"

The Commander hit something on his tacpad, and immediately the platform turned vertically ninety degrees, dumping everyone standing on it to the floor in one giant pile with a crash of armor. "I meant to do that!" the Commander exclaimed as he shot up from the ground enthusiastically, apparently not the least bit put off by his several meter fall.

"Did not!" the complaining soldier shouted as he pried himself from the pile.

"Did too! I mean, shut up. That's an order," the Commander stated.

"Shutting up, sir."

The Commander waited a moment. "Are you shut up yet?" he asked after a few seconds.

The complaining soldier nodded.

"Excellent!" the Commander said loudly as he turned to face the Greens and Yellows. "We finally got off the platform. Now, what we're we talking about?"

"If this is the best smarts we have on our side, then we're dead," Kenny muttered under his breath.

"You were dead before," Amber growled. "Now you're even more dead."

"I would pleasure in conversing with you about the foes of whom we are dealing with," Nome reminded the Avalanche Commander politely, ignoring Kenny and Amber.

The Commander nodded. "Yes, of course. How could I forget?" He thought for a moment and then said: "I would do so, but also with the leader of the other team. They call themselves the Yellows, do they not?"

"Um, yeah," Patton said bluntly. "Yellow armor. Not that hard to figure out."

"I am merely being sure." the Commander replied calmly. "Though I am surprised that they are here at all. How did they get here?"

"They are with my team," Nome stated. "We are currently under a truce."

"Ah, wonderful!" the Commander said cheerfully. He motioned to Patton, who still had not joined him and Nome. "Well then, shall we go?"

Patton nodded, but first cocked his shotgun in the Commander's general direction and said: "Now look, I want answers just as much as you do, but try anything and the rest of my team will rip you to shreds- and then make clothes out of said shreds!"

The Commander nodded. "Agreed-I mean, acknowledged."

To Nome he whispered: "Spicy like tomatoes with pepper, isn't he? "

"Just do not touch him, or, as I recall, he will seriously disassemble you up," Nome said back. "Now, let us go."

"Medic, do you ever say anything that isn't PG rated?" Patton laughed as he thought over Nome's translation of his warning to the Avalanche Commander. "You're like a freaking Disney movie!"

"No," was Nome's blunt response. Patton chuckled to himself.

The three of them turned to leave, with the Commander leading the way, while the remaining soldiers followed the rest of Avalanche out.


	31. FEELING FLUFFY

The Avalanche Commander led Nome and Patton into a small room that had a giant blue sofa with pink pillows on it. As soon as he entered the room, he rushed to the sofa and jumped leisurely onto it, falling with arms outstretched. "Aaaaaahhh, comfort!" he exclaimed. He let out a sigh and went limp on the giant cushion, which sagged massively under the weight of his armor.

Patton cleared his throat noisily. "Um, not to interrupt your relaxation, but you were gonna give us some answers, remember?"

The Commander shot up again, after struggling with the sofa for a moment. "Oh, right!" He hit a button on his tacpad, and the wall to Patton's left immediately slid back to reveal a small control center, complete with viewscreens, panels, gauges and readings, and several large red buttons that said DO NOT PRESS.

Patton observed the controls for a moment, then asked: "What happens if you press one of those red buttons?"

"Oh, it's an inside joke," the Commander replied nonchalantly, with a shrug. "They don't really do anything. We just want to see how many people will press them when they think no one is looking." He motioned to a camera cleverly positioned in the inside rim of the control room, where even Patton would not have thought to look. He stared at it for a long moment before sighing and shaking his head.

"Ah, yes, observing those results were some intriguing times," Nome put in, not noticing Patton's reaction. "More people touch them then you would originally think. Reverse psychology is quite fascinating."

"And useful," the Commander commented. "Say, we could try putting that Blue soldier you brought with you in here and see what happens!"

"Later," Patton responded quickly. "As much as I'd like to see him fight with himself about whether or not to push it, right now it's answer time. Let's get on with it." He motioned out a side window at the rest of his team, who were waiting in the entry room. "And don't pull anything, my team is watching."

As Patton had mentioned, the Yellows were vigilantly keeping an eye on all Greens in sight from the entry room. Ryan had turned to look at Skope, his rocket launcher kept at the ready. "Alright suckers, here's how it's going down; Patton is just through that window and keeping an eye on us. You try anything stupid, and they'll have to clean you off the floor with a shovel."

"Um aren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on him?" Skope countered. "I'm pretty sure that's what I heard him say to you."

"Yeah, that's what I heard too." Jess added.

"Oh, right, as though…actually, that is right." Ryan let out a growl and looked quickly into the control room. Patton was still talking with Nome and the Avalanche Commander. _Just like a Green to distract me and make me let my guard down. Must...not...let...that...happen again!_

"Um, so it's what now, just the four of us against the Greens and Avalanche Team?" Brian asked nervously, glancing over the other four soldiers in the area around them.

"No!" Jess shot back. "We work together. We're still in a truce, remember?"

Ryan shook his head. "As I remember, it was 'find Avalanche Team, and then kill each other.' Well, we found Avalanche Team, so now let's-"

"Stand down, Ryan!" Clair shouted, violently grabbing Ryan's shoulder. "It's four on who-the-hell-knows how many! We can't hold off the Greens _and_ Avalanche! These aren't Blues we're dealing with; these guys know what they're doing. We need the Greens to stay on our side. Unless it's _you_ that they want to clean off the floor with a shovel."

"Exactly!" Brian continued for her. "Greens aren't Blues. This is different from when we had that battle in the canyon-" He stopped as soon as he remembered which side he had been on. "Never mind…"

"Yeah, let's not kill each other just yet," Kenny said as he unreadied himself for combat. Be began to relax, but when he lowered his magnum (which he had pulled out instead of his flamethrower for fear of setting his teammates on fire) he accidentally pulled the trigger and a shot began ricocheting around the entire room.

"Everyone get down!" Clair shouted, grabbing Ryan and Amber (who were next to her) and yanking them to the floor. The rest of the soldiers followed her example.

The magnum round pinged above their heads, striking sparks from its point of impact. It continued doing so for several more seconds until it swung down again and impacted a pack of gas canisters behind the Yellows position and finally found its resting place. Throughout the entire ricocheting fiasco, Patton, Nome, and the Commander continued talking, the sound of the gunshot muffled by the thick window between them.

Cautiously, everyone inched back up into standing position.

"What the hell is your problem, man?" Skope shouted at Kenny.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking!" the private shot back. "I forgot to put on the safety!"

Cautiously, the group walked over to investigate the pack of gas canisters the bullet had entered. It appeared that the round had gone through several of them before stopping. Skope noted the label on the canisters: N2O. "Anyone know what that gas is?" he asked.

"Nitrous oxide. It's laughing gas," Clair mentioned knowledgeably.

"It makes you laugh?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah, sometimes." Skope answered. "I think it can also make you light headed."

"It's a primitive anesthetic. Very popular with dentists during the early 20th century." Clair clarified. "It numbs pain and depresses higher brain functions."

"Basically what Skope just said." Kenny replied. Clair shrugged.

"Good," said Jess. "Good, it was getting too rowdy in here, anyways. We need something to lighten things up!"

Meanwhile, back in the control room, Nome and Patton continued their conversation with the Avalanche Commander. "So then, what do you have to tell us?" Nome asked, crossing his arms and looking attentively at their host.

The Commander turned to a screen that showed images relating to what he was about to say. "For the last fifty hours, my team and I have been monitoring some…bizarre activity just outside of the Wilderness's boundaries. We first noticed it when one of our outlying recon stations went dark. Naturally, we suspected it was either equipment problems, environmental interference, or Yellow Team."

Patton started at the mention of his team. "Hey, buddy! Not cool! I mean, Yellow Team is bad ass and all, but we don't stoop as low as to destroy recon posts!" He pointed his finger at the Commander threateningly.

The Commander took a breath. "I have a name and rank, you know. They are Martin Grey and Commander, respectively."

"Well, I already figured you were a commander, judging by your armor" Patton responded, indicating the Commander's rank on the soldier's shoulder. "But I guess that means I can call you Martin, 'cause we're the same rank."

"If you would like. Now, as I was saying, we noticed that too. Our logs indicated that no Yellow attack party has ever touched our recon posts, which is why we sent people to investigate. This is what we found." The viewscreen showed a static-distorted panning image of a base with green armored bodies lying all over the place, and destroyed pieces of vehicle wreckage strewn throughout the shot. The structures in view were damaged, with large holes visible.

"Disturbing…most disturbing…" Nome mumbled to himself.

"Holy shit, what the hell happened to it?" Patton wondered aloud. "I've left Blue bases in better condition than this!"

Martin crossed his arms. "It was attacked, obviously. We, of course, speculated that it was your group, Patton. Until we ran scans on the area. Whoever assaulted this base used technology unlike either army has. Even in the prototype stages."

"In what sense of the word?" Nome asked.

"The only real residue from the weapons that we could find was where many parts of vehicles…and sometimes people…had been melted or vaporized, but left to ammo traces. This, supported by the traces of close-to visible range radiation we picked up suggests some kind of laser weaponry."

" _They have lasers, oh my God we're all screwed,"_ Patton remembered from his brief stay at the bridge base. _So, that_ was _actually useful information!_ He had apparently vocalized his thoughts without meaning to, because he noticed that both Nome and Martin were staring at him.

"Patton, do you know something?" Nome asked inquisitively.

"My team found a recording at a Blue base which shows some people getting blasted with what appear to be lasers. 'They have lasers, oh my God we're all screwed' was the last thing one of the victims said before getting vaporized. I think Clair mentioned something about a 'chemical laser' or something like that."

"Hold a moment," Nome interrupted. "When did you go to a Blue base? I thought you said you weren't interested in investigation."

"I lied. Live with it." Patton shrugged. Nome simply shook his head and turned away.

"Okay then, can I get back to explaining?" Martin asked.

"Proceed," Nome and Patton responded in unison, though Patton technically said 'sure'.

"Good. We continued our investigations, but once again got nowhere. That was, until about a day after the attack…"

Back outside the control room, the Greens and Yellows were beginning to have quite a lightheaded time. Both Yellow and Green standard issue armor was rated against many things, but laughing gas was one thing that could sneak through. Kenny had started giggling some moments ago, and now he was doubled over laughing while everyone watched him curiously.

"Dude, what is so funny?" Skope asked. He snickered. "Um, why do I feel like laughing?" He realized that he was having trouble keeping a straight face.

"I feel really happy all of a sudden," Amber commented dreamily. She was looking at the ceiling and swinging her sniper rifle by the barrel.

Ryan moved towards the gas canisters. "Is this what being high is like? Awesome!" He fell to his knees and started laughing. His rocket launcher slipped from his grasp and slid a meter or so away. He didn't notice.

Jess yawned and sat down. "I feel…fluffy…" she commented, hugging herself.

"Ditto," Skope agreed. "Whee..." he murmured.

"Speaking of the gas, does anyone have any idea why Avalanche Team would have several cans of nitrous just lying around?" Clair asked groggily. "Doesn't make any sense." She started giggling, something that would have surprised her teammates had they not been so high.

Amber yawned and then responded: "Well, the Blues normally get high on helium, although I'm not sure they're really aware it's any different from air. Maybe Avalanche is trying something like that here."

"You guys are wrong, air is helium," Brain responded determinately. Everyone stared at him for a few moments, and he went back to staring at the wall seconds later.

"Using nitrous as a drug of sorts? It's as good a guess as any, I suppose," said Ryan.

"Oh, I know why," said one of the Avalanche soldiers as he entered the room from a doorway. "We're using it in one of our experiments. It's a movie prototype called Mellow Comedy."

"Now I want popcorn," was how Ryan chose to respond.

"I'll take some of that!" Amber called out happily, before she promptly lost her balance and fell over.

The soldier failed to notice the canisters leaking gas and disappeared through a door on the opposite side of the room seconds later.

Skope looked up to discover that Kenny was spinning around whimsically. "Dude, why are you spinning?" he asked curiously.

"Whee!" Kenny replied. The high weapons specialist spun into a wall accidentally with a loud _crash_ and fell to the ground unconscious. He began snoring a moment later.


	32. ANSWERS

Inside the control room, the Avalanche Commander prepared to reveal everything he knew about the assailants that had taken so many bases in the recent past. "Now, as I was saying…after twenty-two, maybe twenty-three hours after the aforementioned attack, we managed to get our first look at our enemy." He hit a key on the control pad, and the screen switched to a very blurry shot of a figure in what looked like _red_ colored armor. The picture was so out of focus that all anyone could tell was that the figure was at least humanoid and colored red. The rest was not visible, other than as a blurry wash.

"Wow, not too impressive," commented Patton.

"The camera was damaged in the attack," Martin replied sadly. "This is actually sharpened several times."

"Wait, is the color off?" Nome inquired. "I've not encountered any mention of a Red Army before."

"I'm afraid not. What you see is what you get."

Patton crossed his arms in thought. "So it's not a miss-colored Brown merc."

Martin shook his head. "No, we ruled that out rather quickly."

"Shit." Patton swore. "Just...shit."

"So then, there is a new army out there, a red army," Nome said. "Yet another faction in this endless war. A most intriguing complication…"

Martin nodded. "Yes. That is what we hypothesized. Unfortunately, this was all the information we received for a time, as whoever it was seemed to become still more methodical at destroying all traces of their presence."

"Mmmmmm," Nome postulated. "Whoever this new army is, it clearly does not want anyone to be aware of its presence. But why?"

"No shit." Patton commented, leaning in towards the screen. "This is getting way too crazy for my liking."

Martin cleared his throat to let the others know he was about to continue. "As I was saying, we didn't have much more than this for a while. But thankfully for us, even professionals get sloppy. Or just plain unlucky. Either way, quite a while later we discovered that destroyed Blue bridge base -and quite a bit earlier than you, I might add- and the same recording you did. However, we also recovered something more; what seemed to be a personal recording by one of the assailants"

"You were able to capture them on voice recording?" Nome asked almost excitedly.

Martin nodded. "Better. A video. A video that showed all of the soldiers that participated in the attack. We also confirmed several visuals during our retreat from Avalanche Base. The ones who attacked our base were the same as the ones who wiped out the Blue base."

Patton interrupted. "Wait, you retreated from _four_ guys when you had, what, _thirty_ of your own soldiers, _and_ an experimental weapons facility at your disposal? Why?"

Martin let out an annoyed sigh. "Because, we were caught unaware. They somehow managed to sneak through our security system. We believe that they used some form of active camouflage or visual jamming system. That, and they were GOOD! I have never seen any such capable villains in my life! They massacred _anything_ that came in their way!"

"You said you had visuals on the assailants themselves," reminded Nome. "Can we see?"

Martin turned back to the viewscreen. "Yes. While they were able to sneak through our security system, they weren't able to disable it. Some of our cameras caught footage, and of course there are the Blue recordings. The team apparently consists of four members, three males and a female. The name of the first male we identified is John." He tapped a key, and the viewscreen displayed a portrait of a red soldier with a smoking DMR in his hands, standing over a pile of dead Blue soldiers, apparently in the middle of reloading the weapon. "He is the weapons manager of the group. He is also a rabid Halo fan. We know this because we picked up several clips of him talking about many various things about the game, and the universe it resides in." He tapped another key, and a voice recording started playing.

"Hey Candice, did you know that the names of the five moons surrounding Onyx are a collective anagram for 'Master Chief?" said a nerdy sounding voice with an exited tone.

"My name is Candy!" an annoyed female voice cut in.

Martin paused the recording so that he could explain: "The owner of the other voice you heard is Candice, the only female of the team." He displayed a second portrait of another red soldier, obviously a female, with a jet pack on her back and carrying a grenade launcher. "We believe she wants to be called 'Candy,' but the other members are clearly non-cooperative on that request, to a certain extent. We have only really heard her talk sarcastically…really sarcastically. See here." He continued the recording.

"Well, here we are again," continued the female voice, oozing sarcasm. "Another base to kill. Gee, I'm so psyched to kill _another_ completely defenseless base just like we've been doing for sooo long!"

Martin paused the recording again.

"Yeah, I'd say she's pretty damn sarcastic, assuming she talks like that all the time," Patton commented. "I thought Ryan was bad some times, but this..."

"A sarcasmomaniac, possibly?" Nome inquired. "She has most of the major indicators."

"A what?" Patton asked.

"Someone who is mentally incapable of saying anything that isn't sarcastic," Marin filled in. "And yes, we believe she may be a mild case, at the very least."

"Okay, I'm gonna take your word for that," Patton grumbled. "Hate to be stuck in a room with her..." he added to himself.

Martin nodded in agreement. "Indeed. She also seems to think that she is the smartest. At least, that is how we interpreted this video clip." He continued the recording. He fast forwarded several seconds before resuming.

Again, the female voice was talking, but this time very angry and almost shouting. In the background the sound of rapidly moving armor was heard, meaning the speaker was probably gesturing as well. "Oh, sure, let's go into a giant cave which is clearly booby trapped and shoot everything that is supposed to explode and then scream all over the place! What a terrific idea! Just fucking great!"

"Oh, yeah! It's going to be amazing! Better than the Master Chief jumping of Cairo Station!" agreed John. The recording picked up sounds of him running off, apparently screaming insults related to the Halo series.

"No, I was being sarcastic! Come back!" Candice shouted, but too late. The sound of a giant explosion resonated in the background.

Martin paused the recording yet again.

"Um..." Patton muttered.

"Wow," Nome mused. "I would say more than a mild case, certainly."

Martin nodded. "Yes. As you can see, her sarcasm can become very controlling at times…weather she wants it to be or not." He had the viewscreen show a portrait of a third red clad soldier, holding an assault rifle in one hand and an empty Blue helmet in the other. "The third attacker is named Edward. He is the entertainer or thespian of the group. By 'entertainer' I mean that he will continually recite Shakespearian lines and talk in old English…whether the others want him to or not. Here is another recording."

He skipped the recording a few more moments. When he resumed, the red soldier Edward was standing over a pair of bodies, both Blue soldiers. "Dost thou not liketh the heavy feel and contented expulsion of metal rocks from the said nozzle of, what dost thou call such a magnificent thing? A Rifle of Assaulting! A truly marvelous fixture of destructive technology! Truly, have I-"

He was cut off by an annoyed John. "Damn it, Brute-Breath, just shut the fuck up already! Fucking hell, someone get me an AI to translate for me!"

Edward clutched his chest as though pretending to be hurt. "Oh! Thou woundest me, fellow John."

The recording picked up the sound of Edward inhaling, but Martin paused the video. "This next part goes on for quite a while." he explained.

"I...hate...Shakespeare!" Patton groaned angrily. "I really, _really_ hate it!"

"Actually, that was quite good," commented Nome, ignoring Patton's outburst. "I would love to see him recite something from _A Midsummer's Nights Dream_. Or perhaps _The Tempest_."

Martin nodded in agreement. "As would I, Nome. Now, the final member of the Reds is their leader, Steve." The picture of the final member of Red Team appeared on the wall. It showed a beefy looking soldier holding a strange, glowing, vaguely swordlike weapon in his fist. "He is the one who keeps them all together, holding them in place with the grip of an iron fist."

"That sword…" mumbled Nome. "He must have taken that from the weapons facility! It was a prototype!"

"Yes, we did get reports of it going missing during the attack on that base," Martin said sadly.

"Wait, what exactly the hell is that thing?" Patton wondered out loud. "Looks like a goddamn lightsaber!"

"It is a personal energy weapon that we have codenamed an 'energy sword," Martin explained. "And the similarity to a lightsaber is not accidental. We liked the design, so we built our own."

Patton simply nodded, at a loss for words.

"Hmmm...I would speculate that he is the greatest threat, yes?" Nome asked.

Martin nodded. "We certainly believe so. He is the brains, and much of the brawn as well, for the Reds. Here is a recording of which we found to be particularly revealing of his way of thinking." He set the recording to continue playing, this time a couple of minutes later from where they had last watched.

The view showed the three males of the team, with Candice presumably being the one holding the camera. In a loud, yet strong and slow voice, Steve bellowed: "Team, we have massacred this far, we must not stop now! We must continue until all our foes are destroyed. I have a plan for achieving this! It is a very good plan, one that I spent all night thinking up, in fact. It will lead us to an unstoppable victory, one that none of our enemies see coming! And it, my fellow ass kickers, is this: …ATTAAAAAAAAAACCK!" He took a deep breath. "WE…ARE…REDS! NOW MOVE! NO MERCY FOR ANYONE!"

The recording came to an end.

"Wow. Considering he's the leader, he seems to be the least sane," Patton commented amusedly.

"He sounds mentally unstable," said Nome. "And quite strange. Or is that just my opinion?"

Patton laughed. "Weirder then you? That seems kind of hard to pull off, don't you think, Medic?"

"And now the good part," said Martin enthusiastically. "We know where their base is located."

"Excellent!" Nome exclaimed.

Patton cracked his knuckles. "Oh, this is going to be _fun_!"


	33. ENCOUNTERS OF THE BLUE KIND

"If you knew all along, then why didn't you just say so?" Patton asked apprehensively. "We could've left to mess them up a while ago!"

"I always like to know my enemy before I strike," Martin replied. "I figured you'd agree."

Patton gave an annoyed sigh. "Relationships are for unwilling teenagers, Green! I'm Yellow! That ain't how we roll. Now; where...are...the Reds!"

Martin cleared his throat before speaking again. "After they attacked Avalanche, we sent some scouts to follow the Reds back to their base...on a plateau looking down on the coastline. Coordinates are: Rainbow 37, Purple 52, Orange 50."

"Excellent," Nome said satisfactorily. "We can launch an attack in no time."

"Why do you guys have your coordinates in colors?" Patton asked.

"The numbers are important, not the colors," Nome answered matter-of-factly. "The first number is latitude by percent above the equator, the second is longitude by percent around the equator, and the third number is elevation above sea level in meters. The colors simply make it sound like code to those who are not Green. No better level of security than one that does not exist."

Patton laughed. "Wow, how secretive! Just what I would expect from a Green! Well, now we know where they are." He took a second to load a few shells into his shotgun. "Let's pack it up an' go knock 'em down!"

Nome nodded in agreement. "I will rally those of my team. We should travel together, thus maximizing our factor of surprise. And our combined forces will be much more devastating than either team by itself."

"Oh, yeah!" Patton bellowed. "Y'know, I was thinking along those same lines. This is good, now I won't have to tow you guys behind me."

The three of them exited the control room, Patton giving one final look at the DO NOT PRESS button as he did so. They returned to the entrance room to find the rest of the Greens and Yellows slouching around on the floor in a dazed state.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Patton shouted, staring at his team in shock.

Everyone on the ground jumped up, surprised at the sudden loudness of Patton's voice. Brian, who had been sitting on a crate driving an imaginary car, fell of said crate with a cry of surprise.

"Oh, hiiiiiiiii, boss!" Ryan said in some attempt at a greeting. He waved, but promptly fell over on to his side and burst out laughing.

Nome looked around at the rest of his team, clearly annoyed. "My comrades, what are you doing?"

"Wait, what the hell is that hissing sound?" Patton wondered, swinging around in search of the origin.

Nome spotted it first and approached the canisters leaking gas canisters. He knelt down and examined them. "Nitrous oxide, laughing gas." he declared, standing up again.

Patton ran over to Ryan and picked him up so that he was in a standing position. "I can't leave you guys alone in an enemy base for ten minutes without you getting high," he growled. "The hell is wrong with you?"

"Not...not our fault, boss?" Amber replied, swaying on her feet. "The...the canister got shot. I think..."

She promptly burst into hysterics and doubled over.

"What have all of you been doing?" Nome asked everyone frustratedly. "This behavior is unacceptable!"

"Yennk accidentally shot a bullet into the canisters," Clair explained. "We didn't think it would be a problem with our helmets filtration system." She shrugged. "Guess I was wrong."

"And then we got fluffy," Brian added groggily. "Man, this is better than helium!"

Nome took in a large, almost angry breath. "My comrades, cease this foolishness this instant! We have discovered the location of the people responsible for the attacks. It is another faction, the Red Team! We must assault them at their base before they discover we are onto them and move to a new location!"

"You heard him! We've got places to be," Patton bellowed to his team. "Now let's go!"

"A new team, huh?" Skope exclaimed. "But are you sure you don't want to relax here first? It's so nice right now."

Nome shook his head in irked disappointment. "Why do I always end up in charge of these people?"

Patton walked over to the box of gas canisters and flipped it upside down so that all gas coming out of the canisters was trapped under the box. The accumulated gas started to lift the box off the ground, but Patton placed another, heavier crate on top of it. "Playtime's over. We're leaving!"

* * *

Once everyone had recuperated from the gas, helped along by some of the stimulants in Clair and Nome's trauma kits, the Greens and Yellows set out to attack Red Base. They decided to travel along the coastline instead of in the Falcons because they would be seen coming from far away if they were in the air, and they didn't know if the Reds had some kind of anti-air defense. Patton was very vehement about avoiding any AA systems, stating that he'd "had a bad time" with them before.

They did take the Falcons as far as the mainland, but after that they drove along the beach in two Warthogs and two Mongooses that they'd lashed to the two transport aircraft, with members of each team being split between each of them respectively.

All was silent for some time, but it was eventually broken by the sound of Kenny. "Are we there yet?"

"No," Nome replied quickly.

Some seconds passed by. "What about now?"

"No. Shut the fuck up!" Patton shouted at the Green from his Warthog.

They almost lasted a full minute before he started to ask a third time. However, Kenny had not so much as uttered a single syllable when Patton pulled his Warthog in front of Kenny's Mongoose and pointed Ryan's rocket launcher, which he had pulled from the Yellow weapons specialist's back, directly at the annoying private. "One more time…" He somehow managed to hold the launcher with just his right hand, and with his left he pulled out his shotgun. "Just one more…"

Kenny threw up his hands. "Okay, okay, I'm done! I won't say anything else!"

Patton lowered his weapons and sighed.

"But seriously, how long before we get there? This's taking forev-"

The entirety of Yellow team aimed their weapons at him, including their Warthog's turret, operated by Clair.

"N-never mind…"

They soon continued their journey, with the Yellows leading the way. They drove for a few more minutes when Patton spotted something up ahead. "Hey, anyone have any idea what that is up ahead?" He called out. The group turned to look. It seemed to be a Blue soldier.

"Normally, I'd say it's a Blue, but I happen to know for a fact they aren't intelligent enough to figure out something as sophisticated as the location of Red Base." Patton continued.

As they neared the figure, they could plainly see that it was, indeed, a Blue soldier. They stopped their vehicles in front of him and waited for him to move. Moments passed, but the soldier remained stationary.

"Blue soldier, why are you here?" Nome asked him inquisitively.

Patton waved his shotgun one-handed at the Blue and shouted at him: "Get the fuck out of our way! We got places to be! Shoooo!"

"Why is he just standing there? He looks like he's waiting for something to happen," Skope commented. "I don't like this..."

The Blue suddenly took in a deep breath and shouted "NOWWWWWWW!" Instantly a legion of Blue soldiers popped up from seemingly out of nowhere and surrounded the vehicles. They had their weapons drawn and pointed at every member of the Green and Yellow teams. "You are surrounded!" the first Blue shouted triumphantly. "There is no escape!"


	34. UNLIKELY ALLIANCE

"You will surrender!" the first Blue shouted at them triumphantly. "We have you now-" He paused and took a second look at his audience. He shook his head, looked again. "Wait…you aren't the Reds!" he said finally.

"The _Reds?_ " Ryan exclaimed. "The fucking hell are you talking about?"

Patton bellowed out a laugh. "You think we're the _Reds?_ Are you blind?"

"High is more like it." Clair added, quiet enough that only Patton could hear. The Yellow commander nodded in agreement.

The Blue crossed his arms as if pouting. "They were supposed to come along this path! Where the hell are they?"

From the crowd surrounding the vehicles, another Blue shouted: "Well, I kept telling you that I thought I heard something go by when we were all on lunch break."

The first Blue tapped a finger to his head and mumbled: "So wait, you mean to tell me, based on the fact that we've been waiting here _two and a half hours_ for the Reds and not intercepted them, that they must have gone by when we were all having _lunch_ …"

The second Blue continued: "Well, I did suggest we leave _someone_ to keep watch, but everyone was just so hungry, and you _said_ there was no way that they'd pass us if we took a short break…"

The first Blue took a deep breath of realization before leaning back, raising his fists to the sky and shouting: "FUCK!"

While listening to the conversation, Kenny giggled to himself: "This might be a little sad if it weren't so hilarious. Every time we encounter the Blues, something like this goes on. Every time!"

Jess countered: "Well, maybe not _every_ -"

"EVERY FREAKING TIME!" Kenny shouted, turning to glare at the COM specialist hard enough to make her flinch.

"So, now what?" Skope asked, looking around at the huge group of Blues around them and quickly checking the ammo count on his DMR's digital indicator.

Nome matter-of-factly answered: "Judging by the length of time the Blues have been waiting here, to no success, it would suggest that the Reds retreated to their base some time ago, perhaps when the Blues were having lunch, as was just suggested by the soldier who just spoke. Thus, we know they are now at their base. We will assault them just as we had originally planned."

Patton, having missed Nome's decision on account of being several meters away from him, called out to the Blues: "So, how the hell did you all figure out about Red Team? A bit successful for you guys, don't you think?"

The first Blue explained: "They attacked yet another one of our bases, and we managed to get footage of the attackers this time, thanks to Sergey's camera. Best picture ever! It's defiantly going on the fridge door!"

A third Blue, presumably Sergey, waved at the Yellows and Greens while flailing a digital camera in his other hand. "I knew this would come in handy some day!" He declared.

The first Blue continued: "We also sent scouts to track them. The scout team got sidetracked by squirrels for a few hours, but eventually they got back on the trail and we discovered where they were headed. But now that they passed us, it looks like we lost them!"

"Do not fear," Nome replied calmly. "The Reds attacked another Green base as well, and we tracked them far after they left. We know the location of their base. That is in fact where we are heading."

"No! Medic, don't encourage them!" Patton warned. "This is _our_ assault! They'll just screw it up!"

At that remark, the Blues started whispering to each other. After some moments, the whispering quieted, and the crowd of Blues made way for a soldier with several plastic medals stuck to his chestplate with scotch tape. He was the commanding officer of this Blue platoon, a position confirmed by the large "# 1" painted on his shoulder. He held in his right hand a meat-and-cheese-filled microwave snack pastry, and spoke: "The Reds are clearly our common enemy. Our three teams should rid ourselves of them together." At that, he pushed his helmet up a bit and chomped down on a rather large bite of the pastry, splattering some of it on the Blues nearest him in the process.

Nome nodded at the Blue admirably. "Spoken like a Green…almost." He hesitated with the last word, realizing who he was complimenting. "Perhaps not." he corrected.

"Medic, now you're flattering them," Patton growled at Nome. He hesitated as well, thinking the last couple sentences over. "Well, sort of. Don't really think 'Green' is a compliment."

"Patton, the more forces we have on our side when we attack the greater our chances of success will be," Nome lectured to the Yellow commander. "Simple numerical superiority. Surely even _you_ can understand that."

"Medic, you're ignoring one very important fact."

Nome crossed his arms challengingly. "Oh, am I?"

"They're Blues!" Patton shouted at the top of his lungs, slamming his fist on the side of his Warthog for emphasis. "They couldn't kill a _fly_ if they had a fully armed platoon and all their lives depended on it!" At that remark, all of the Blue soldiers (except Brian, who was currently zoning out and staring at a rather fluffy collection of clouds) pointed their weapons at Patton. After doing a quick mental count of the number of firearms aimed at him and not liking the result one bit, Patton murmured: "I meant that in a non-offensive way, of course!" Reluctantly, the Blues lowered their weapons, but there were mumbles of resentment from some of the soldiers.

"Boss, I don't think the Blues are going to give us a choice," Ryan commented. "They're going to come with us if it's the last thing they do. We might as well make use of the extra firepower-"

"Hobar, I happen to know that this is just an excuse for you to get your hands on another salvo of rockets," Patton replied. "You've tried this before."

"But sir, he's right!" Clair exclaimed. "A force of thirty two is better than a force of nine. There's only four Reds, remember?"

"And we'll soon be getting reinforcements!" the Blue commander added.

"Reinforcements, yay!" Brian shouted.

"Brian?" the Blue commander exclaimed, apparently just noticing the captured Blue. "You're alive! We thought you died in the canyon fight! But…what're you doing with _them?"_

"Oh, I'm their prisoner," Brian explained, quite happily. "I've been having a great time-"

"You were captured?" The Blue commander asked.

"Yup!" Brian nodded enthusiastically. "It's awesome! I met Amber Stone!"

"Oh yeah, he's with us. Finders, keepers!" Patton explained.

"Anyways, I think we should fight alongside the other Blues," continued Brian.

"Oh, of course _you_ do!" shouted Patton. "That's a given!"

"I want them to come to," said Amber. "That's four against one."

"Oh, so now we're being democratic about this, are we?" Patton asked with a vaguely annoyed tone. "Whatever happened to chain of command?"

"I agree with your weapons specialist," said Nome.

"As do I!" shouted Jess.

"And me!" said Kenny.

"And me too," replied Skope.

"Okay, fine!" Patton decided after a couple of seconds. "But just because I don't want to hear whining the rest of the way there!"

"Let's give a battle speech!" Brian suggested.

"GOD, can't we just go there and _kill_ them already?" Patton exclaimed. "I wanna kill stuff!"

One of the Blue soldiers stood next to the Blue commander and took in a deep breath before saying loudly: "This ENEMY has wrecked NUMEROUS bases, and TAKEN countless lives, from ALL of our teams! We have been UNABLE to catch them until NOW, and so the time has come to DEAL with this…this...ENEMY!"

"Wow, what drug is he on?" Jess whispered to Skope. "Is he intending to scream every other word?"

The speech maker continued: "We must now DESTROY them before they do the same for US. Our very SURVIVAL depends-"

"Um, Lloyd, could you stop for a moment?" the Blue commander asked politely.

"WHAT, why?"

"I just need to say a few things. By the way, how much coffee did you have just before you started talking?"

"I'm trying to cut DOWN, sir. I only had about twelve at LUNCH. Caffeine is ALL you need! Sleeping is for LOSERS!"

The commander nodded half-understandingly. "Right, right. Well, I need to say a few things, so if you don't mind I'm going to take over from here."

The speech maker saluted. "SIR!" He promptly jumped down from his place next to the commander and started running around in a circle on the ground.

"Now then," the commander continued, ignoring the spinning Blue. "I will make the speech brief." All of a sudden, his COM chimed. "Um, excuse me, I have to take this." He opened a small device that turned out to be a cell phone; apparently, the Blue had removed his COM gear from his armor and put it into the body of the phone. "Yes, hello? Who is calling…no…no, I do not want a set of toothpicks on a stick…please do not call me again…good bye." He closed the phone and looked up. "Ah, telemarketers! It seems like that particular one always catches me right when I'm about to give some kind of speech. Now then, where was I? Oh, right, I hadn't even begun yet!"

"Oh for war's sake, just get it over with already!" Patton bellowed. "There are people here who want to do some _actual_ fighting before we get discharged!"

The Blue commander continued: "What I am about to say is vitally important to the survival of everyone." He stopped. Everyone waited for a moment.

"Yes?" Skope asked.

"I was just giving dramatic pause," the commander explained.

"God, he's worse than the Avalanche commander," Patton mumbled to himself under his breath, pressing his hand against his visor. Clair patted his shoulder and told him to be patient.

The Blue commander took an almost unhealthily long breath and then continued: "Actually, that is the speech. Yup, told you it would be brief." He laughed.

Patton snorted in disgust and severe annoyance.

The Blue commander took one more step closer to the vehicles. "Right, but before we take our leave-"

"Oh, come on!" Patton shouted.

The Blue commander continued to approach Patton and Nome, eventually finding a space roughly equidistant between them. "I would like to make it clear that all of my men are fully willing to fight alongside both of your teams and give their lives to defeat the Reds."

"Wait, I don't want to!" said a shout from the crowd.

"Oh, right, there's one exception," elaborated the Blue commander. "But aside from him we're good."

"Gear UP!" the caffeinated speech maker shouted at everyone. "Let's MOVE!"

* * *

John yawned and checked the time on his HUD. Three in the afternoon. Good, his shift was almost over. Soon he could stop guarding the wall boundary of Red Base. A few more minutes, and he could go back to annoying the hell out of his three other team mates with his mass of Halo knowledge. Well, _he_ didn't think he was annoying, but apparently the rest of the Reds disagreed. He didn't care; if they wouldn't listen, he'd just go read _Ghosts of Onyx_ again. He looked back up to see the view of the giant bridge that used to belong to the Blues before his team came in and wiped them off it. _Red Base was right next to it all this time, and none of those good for nothing heliumheads ever had any idea!_ He chuckled at the thought.

He decided a moment later to call it quits a few minutes early. There wasn't anything out here, and he doubted Steve would notice if he came in early. He turned to go in through the secret entrance, but stopped when he heard a sound coming from the direction of the late bridge base. Or rather, a lot of sounds. He felt it too; whatever was making it was big enough to make his bones rumble and send loose chunks of rock skittering across his watch point. He turned to see no less then twelve ground vehicles, piloted not just by Blues, but some also by Greens and Yellows, heading straight for him. The sounds of every single one of them shouting a battle cry at the top of their lungs, mixed with the roar of their vehicle's engines, echoed through the canyon, doubling and redoubling the sound till it was almost loud enough to hurt. John took an anxious breath. Instincts kicked in, bred from days spent playing every Halo game. _Time to run!_

Now it was his turn to shout something: "OH, SHIIIIIIII…"


	35. RED BASE

"…IIIIIIIIIIIIT!" The loudness of his voice almost rivaled in magnitude the combined battle cry of the attacking Blues, Greens, and Yellows. Through the shouting, he could kind of hear one of the Yellows, the one carrying a rocket launcher, shouting "FUUUUCK YOOOOUUUUUUU!"

But none of this improved John's situation any, so he promptly made for the secret entrance before the assault party reached him. He opened his COM to warn Steve. "Sir! This is Romeo Sierra Zero Two at the gate! We have inbound tango's!"

Steve sounded shocked as he responded: "What? Already? Fuck! We're not ready yet! How many?"

"Twenty. No, thirty. More like thirty. Scratch that, thirty _plus_! Fuck, just let me in! Now!"

"ID?" Steve inquired.

"Bravos, Golfs and Yankees, sir. Like, twenty or so of the first, and four of each of the other two. They seem to be working together. We might have a UNSC and Covenant Separatist situation here."

"That's it? Two platoons worth of them, and most of them are Blues? Well, this isn't quite such a bad situation, then. Sitrep?"

"They're charging us, sir!" John looked back over his shoulder to see that the attackers were almost upon him. A couple of the Blues fired wildly, their shots hitting close enough to John to pepper his armor with dust and pulverized rock. "Dammit, just open the passage, already! I need in!"

"Opening. Once you're back in the base, come find me. We need to prepare the RFBFRG."

"Yes sir! Romeo Sierra Zero Two out!"

An entrance appeared next to John, rock sliding aside to allow him entrance. He hurried inside, and it slid shut behind him. Just in time too, because he heard the attackers pull up outside only a second later.

On the other side of the wall, the Green's and Yellow's vehicles came to a sudden stop as they neared a giant wall that stretched along a circumference surrounding what could only be Red Base. If they hadn't already guessed its occupants, they would have been informed by the large amount of red paint that had been used to decorate the structure.

The group looked up at the building in awe.

"Nice digs." Kenny commented, whistling.

"Yeah. But it would look better with a bunch of dead Reds all over it." Ryan noted.

"Something does not feel right here," Nome postulated aloud as the group exited their vehicles and neared the building on foot.

"Oh, come on, Medic!" Patton chided. "All we have to do is get past this wall, and then the killing starts! Stick that bad feeling somewhere unimportant and get moving!"

Nome shook his head. "Indeed, you are probably correct. It is just some strange feeling. Must be nothing."

Skope moved forward to investigate the wall. "The passage that one Red went into closed up." He called, feeling for the hidden door with his fingers. It wasn't, however, called a hidden door for nothing. He had no luck finding anything. He traced the wall a little further. "Aha! Over here, guys!"

The Yellows and the rest of the Greens walked over to where he was standing. He had found a small tunnel that seemed to lead straight into the base. Hung over the tunnel's entrance was a sign reading "Just STEP right in!" and a welcome mat with a friendly smiley face on it was placed at the opening.

"Now that's an odd way of keeping security."Ryan commented. "Leaving a giant hole in the wall for anyone to walk into."

"Yeah, everything Nome told us made it sound like these guys were professionals." Amber agreed.

"It's gotta be booby trapped," responded Patton. "I've seen this kind of thing before. No _way_ they'd leave an entrance like that just wide open."

"Or maybe, _it_ _isn't a hole at all_!" Kenny shouted loudly without warning. "Maybe they have psychics that are making us imagine it and when we try to go in we will instead hit our heads on the real wall and fall unconscious and then they _eat our_ _brains!"_ Everyone turned to stare at the hyperactive Green. In response, he shrugged his shoulders. "What, it's just a theory!"

Patton shook his head. "Amazing. And here I thought Hobar was the lowest form of intelligence in the galaxy. But now, our Green friend here just proved me wrong. That certainly doesn't happen every day."

Ryan loudly cleared his throat, though not quite as unhealthily as he had in Avalanche Base. "Um, actually, sir-"

"Hobar, if you dare give me some crappy Star Wars reference, we'll test that hole with your corpse!"

"Actually, that's a good idea." Clair suggested. "Well, I mean we should probably throw something in there to test it. Just not Ryan."

One of the Blue soldiers stepped up and asked her: "Why is it that we can't just go into the hole right now?"

Clair turned to face the Blue and struggled to find an answer to such a stupid question. Eventually, she came up with: "It's probably booby trapped. Just like Patton said a minute ago."

The Blue clapped his hands together. "Well, then! That's no problem. Booby traps are my middle name!"

"Really?" another Blue asked him. "I never knew that!"

He shook his head. "No, it just sounds good. Now shut up, I'm trying to impress this lady!"

"Ah. I'll have to remember that line!"

"Hey, hands off my medic!" Patton growled, glaring at the two offending Blues.

Clair scoffed in disgust and turned away shaking her head. _Of all the people who could fall for me, it's a Blue!_ She responded to the Blue's comment: "Look, you don't have to impress me. You know what, just go away! Let my team handle this."

But the Blue shook his head. "No, we can do this! It will take more than a stupid tunnel to stop us! C'mon, guys!" He motioned with his hand, and three other Blues came up to join him, whooping and shouting. Then, they made for the tunnel.

"Um, what're you doing?" Skope asked them as they passed him.

"You guys are such pussies!" the lead Blue shouted. "We can take this tunnel four on one! Just you watch!"

The instant they passed the "Just STEP on in!" sign, the tunnel interior exploded in several fireballs consistent in size with the detonation of a couple standard issue anti-personnel mines. The Greens and Yellows nearest the holes hit the deck, Skope and Nome on their own and Clair and Ryan dragged down by Patton. The body parts of the Blues that went in were thrown back out by the force of the explosion.

"I _knew_ it was booby trapped." Patton muttered, rising to his knees and dusting his armor off.

"Serves them right, I suppose," Nome commented. "Stupidity of that magnitude cannot be excused."

"A case for evolution if I ever saw one," Clair commented as she rolled out from under Patton's arm.

Brian sighed in slight anguish, but turned around to find four more Blues heading for the tunnel. "Um, guys?" Brian asked them. "Why are you going in? Didn't you see what happened to those other guys who went in?"

"We figure all the mines were set off by the other team," one of the Blues in the party told him. "So now _we_ can take on the tunnel!"

"Um, what _possible_ reasoning could you have for believing that?" Nome asked them as they neared him. "The tunnel was designed to defend long term, and therefore would be designed so that only a small fraction of explosives would be set off with each encounter."

"They might even be multi-use mines." Ryan added.

"Hah, pussy!" the Blue shot back at Nome.

The oblivious Blues entered the tunnel, and the exact same thing happened as had the first team that entered: explosions and flying body parts. Except this time the blast was much larger, and it happened a second later than the first one.

Clair looked to her side and realized that her commander had been stifling a laugh for some time now, probably just after he knocked her and Ryan to the ground. But finally, he could hold it no longer. He burst out in laughter and doubled over. "Okay, I stand corrected again; _Blues_ are the lowest forms of life in the galaxy, not the Green! I've seen mold in our supply cupboard with more smart traits then those guys combined! Hahahahah!" He felt something bump into him, and turned to find the rest of the Blue platoon making for the tunnel. "No, no, this is too stupid. This isn't happening," he mumbled to himself over fits of laughter. "This is too fucking stupid to be happening!"

Nome stepped in front of the sixteen Blues attempting to enter the tunnel. "Lemmings!" he shouted at them. "You are all _lemmings!_ Stop this! Stop immediately!" But his shouting had no effect, except to make one of the Blues ask "What's a lemming?"

Nome just threw up his hands and moved out of the way. All sixteen Blues soldiers entered the tunnel single file, and seconds later all of them were in pieces, following a much bigger explosion than all the last.

Brain stared at the tunnel in horror. "I don't want to be a Blue anymore," he said quietly. "I wanna belong to another army! Any other!"

"How 'bout ours?" Ryan asked him, whacking the side of his helmet to remove some sand that had gotten into the filtration system when Patton knocked him over. "I mean, you kind of already do belong to us. You're our prisoner, remember?"

"Oh, right!" Brain shouted gleefully. "And I'd get to be Amber Stone's teammate! Count me in!"

Meanwhile, Patton was rolling on the ground in an uncontrollable siege of laughter, shotgun forgotten on the ground a couple feet away. "They all went in. Hahahahaha! Every single one of them! I can't believe it! Hahahahahah!" He rolled onto his chest and slammed his fist on the ground in hysterics.

Clair reached down and pulled him up. "Get a hold of yourself, boss. You're hyperventilating. You need to stop soon, or you could pass out. And I'd rather not have to give you a stimulant after what happened last time."

"Wait, what happened last time?" Ryan asked. "I don't remember this."

"It was before you joined." Clair explained. "Patton's metabolism burned through the stim too fast. His heart went into overdrive and almost exploded."

"Ew." Ryan decided.

Slowly, Patton reduced his breathing to normal levels, though this was not easy as he constantly had to battle the urge to laugh over what he had just seen. But finally, he was able to stop laughing altogether. He grabbed Lucy from her resting place on the ground and forced himself to his feet, using her as a crutch.

"All of the Blues are gone," Skope said to himself out loud. "Twenty four soldiers, gone just like that. There ought to be some law of the universe or something preventing this kind of thing from happening. This is too much." He turned to look at the sun, which was now at about a sixty degree angle in the sky from overhead. But something else caught his eye: forty eight more Blue soldiers were coming up the bridge at full speed, raising a cloud of sound and dust behind them as they moved. Reinforcements!

Then Skope noticed that all of them were making a beeline for the tunnel.

Everyone else saw it too. "Hey, reinforcements!" Ryan exclaimed. "The Blue commander was right, they were coming! But, whoa, they're going for the tunnel. Shit, we have to stop them!"

Nome climbed into a Warthog and drove straight into the Blues' paths. "NO further!" he shouted, holding his hand out. "Just stay where you are!" The Blues actually seemed to listen this time. Perhaps it was the near angry insistence of Nome's voice. Or, perhaps, they just wanted to try actually listening for once. Or, if nothing else, the fact that they couldn't enter the tunnel with an LRV parked in front of it. Nome left the Warthog where it was and went back to join Green and Yellow team.

"So, now what?" Kenny asked. "The tunnel really is booby trapped, so how do we get past it?"

"We could try triggering everything with grenades, maybe?" Ryan suggested.

"That would take, like, a lot of grenades, wouldn't it?" Jess asked. "Twenty four total soldiers went in there, and didn't make a dent in the number of charges!"

"How about rockets then?" Ryan replied. "Or some shaped charges."

"We don't have any." said Clair. "Unless the Greens brought any..."

"Nope." Kenny said sadly. "And this would be the perfect place to test out that new C-18 charge I got!"

"Ah man, you got C-18? Damn, you're lucky! I want some of-"

Without warning, a loud rumbling sound emanated from overhead, cutting Ryan off.

"What's that sound?" Clair asked.

Patton searched the sky for what it could be. Then he spotted something. Or rather, of lot of somethings: several dozen fusion coils were coming down on their position from the sky. "Incoming!" he shouted.

"Oh, Sith!" Ryan shouted as he saw what Patton was looking at.

Everyone else soon did as well, and they dived out of the way and into cover as a rain of fusion coils fell upon the places where they had been standing and let off explosions greater than any seen in the tunnel, throwing chunks of earth, rock, and other random debris into the air.


	36. THE TUNNEL GOES "BOOM"

The fusion coils made a tremendous racket as they landed in an explosive hail, blowing huge holes in the ground at their points of impact. The Warthog Nome had placed in front of the tunnel was hit by several of them, and the heat caused its engine and turret ammunition to detonate in a brilliant secondary explosion. Everyone in cover had to duck yet again as pieces of vehicle and coil rained from the sky in a similar fashion to the fusion coils, which were also still coming down in a merciless and destructive torrent. After a few seconds, both types of falling objects thinned and finally stopped.

"Shit! What the hell was that?" Ryan exclaimed, rising cautiously to his knees and quickly scanning the debris around him.

"No idea, but whatever the hell it is, it's not conventional," Clair commented.

"Not conventional?" Skope asked, glancing around his cover. "How can you tell?"

"It was firing fucking fusion coils!" Kenny responded angrily. "I seriously doubt that anything standard would fire them!"

"Then what could, I wonder?" Nome postulated. "Those fusion coils didn't just appear out of thin air. Some kind of mechanism must be launching them at us from inside the base."

"A mortar battery, perhaps?" offered Ryan.

"As good a guess as any, I suppose," said Clair. The rest of the soldiers agreed.

"Hey, guys!" a heliumly high voice shouted from behind the group (specifically Patton, who was furthest back, hiding behind a large rock outcrop).

The group turned to see six Blue soldiers from the reinforcement group standing behind Patton.

"Yeah, what the hell do you guys want?" he asked them, less then patiently.

"We're ready to enter the tunnel. Mind moving?"

Patton shook his head. "No, you're not doing this again. No one is going into that damn tunnel. We're finding another way of entering the base. You guys just sit tight until the killing starts. We need as much cannon fodder as possible, as a distraction."

"Well, if we're not using the Blues to trip the bombs, then what?" Skope asked. "How else can we get inside the base?"

"Hmmmmm," said Nome as he looked around at the bits of fusion coil lying about. He noticed that many of them had somehow managed not to explode upon landing, and that a couple were actually stuck in some of the trees around them. This gave him an idea. He turned to face everyone else. "I believe I have discovered a way to rid ourselves of the landmines in the tunnel. Everyone, gather as many non-exploded fusion coils as you can."

Patton started nodding as he figured out where Nome was going. "Right, we can use fusion coils in place of Blues. It's not quite as hilarious as our previous strategy, but it still has lots of exploding involved, so I'm in."

"And the blast will be one hell of a lot bigger!" Ryan added gleefully. Patton nodded.

Everyone fanned out to find intact fusion coils. It took some time to gather what Nome perceived as "enough," and by the time Nome decided they were done they had amassed a pile almost as high as the tunnel itself.

"So, do we just chuck them in?" Jess asked.

Nome shook his head. "No, we need to set them off all at once. The magnitude of that explosion will force all of the landmines in the tunnel to explode as well." They pushed the pile of fusion coils as far as they could get it without triggering any of the land mines, then stepped back so that they could set it off from a distance, hurrying behind cover. Nome pulled out his pistol and loaded a single round into it. "You may all want to find cover." he said, somewhat unnecessarily, though the comment might have been aimed at the Blues, who were still standing around. "You can expect lots of shrapnel to come in your direction." The Blues did so, and Nome got as far back as he could while still able to aim properly at the pile of fusion coils. He activated his pistol's scope, aimed, and fired.

The explosion was like nothing they had ever heard before. The ground shook as though an earthquake was going on, but then quickly subsided. The blast was strong enough to force Jess from her cover when the rocks she was hiding behind slid loose and fell towards her.

As Ryan poked his head up to examine the damaged, he noticed his ears were ringing. When he tried talking to Clair to see if she could do something about it, he discovered that hers were as well. It turned out that most of the soldiers in the area had temporarily lost their hearing. When everyone peeked out from their cover, they saw that the tunnel had not just been cleared of traps; it had been completely _annihilated_. For that matter, much of the wall surrounding the tunnel was gone as well. A great gaping hole in the wall now led straight into Red Base.

"That…was… _awesome!"_ Patton shouted, pumping his shotgun in the air.

One of the Blues approached Nome and tried to grab his pistol from him. "I've never seen pistols to _that_ before! Is there some kind of trick to it? I want a turn with that thing!"

Nome pulled the pistol out of the Blue's grasp. "That explosion was not caused entirely by this weapon. It was only the trigger. What would make you think that?" He glanced to his side and noticed that Patton had walked over.

"Hey, how often do you guys get reinforcements?" he asked the Blue.

"We have a teleport-ish system that gets troops to our base in moments," The Blue replied. "Whenever we lose a lot of personnel, which is, like, kind of a lot, soldiers to replace all of them are sent in just the next five minutes. Sometimes, if the battle goes really, _really_ bad, we get double the original number. And since our base is just on the other side of the bridge, we can get here really quickly."

"That sounds quite efficient," Nome commented. _Especially for the Blue Army,_ he thought silently to himself.

The Blue shrugged. "Oh yeah, it takes like no time at all, like five hundred hours. Less, even!"

"Wait, five hundred hours?" Patton gasped. "I thought you just said it took five minutes?"

"Minutes, or hundreds of hours?" Nome asked.

"The shorter one," the Blue responded.

"Oh, that explains it." Patton relaxed. "The Blue misconception of time."

Nome turned to Patton. "Hmmm, if the Blues get constant reinforcements, then we might be able to stage a distraction for this new threat while the rest of us run inside and deal with it. We should probably take this group of Blues with us, and the Blue's reinforcement system will automatically put more Blues out here to trigger and maintain said distraction."

Patton nodded. "Sounds good. With this many Blues around, I doubt that person controlling that mortar will want to fire at anything else. And, as a bonus, if we need back up, we just lure the Red's out here and they get mobbed by a wave of Blues! It's perfect!"

Ryan glanced excitedly at the giant hole in the wall that he had helped to create. "Well, what the hell are you guys waiting for? Let's go already!"

"Right," said Patton fiercely. He pointed the barrel of his shotgun straight at the giant hole. "Charge!"

* * *

A giant cannon sat mounted on a tower like turret-sitting in the center of the Red Base front yard, with all four members of Red Team hurriedly preparing it to fire again. After giving a horrified glance at the giant hole in the defensive wall that had appeared just a moment ago with a blast powerful enough to knock Candice straight off the cannon, Edward frantically grabbed a fusion coil from the pile sitting next to him and handed it up to John, who was standing above him, behind the barrels of the cannon. John hastily jammed the glowing box into the back of the barrel nearest him. "We're about ready to fire!" he called down. "Lock the coordinates and let's bring the rain!"

" _As if_ I haven't prepared yet!" Candice shouted up to him from the targeting laptop she was looking at. "I've only had this entire time to do so. Target locked on."

"FIRE!" John shouted.

The cannon launched all of its fusion coils simultaneously with a tremendous roar that made the earth rumble. The entire team watched in wonder as dozens of fusion coils sailed through the air. "Hast thou never seen a more glorious sight than a Coil of Fusion in flight?" Edward asked rhetorically as he tracked the flying objects.

"Did you just rhyme again?" Candice asked Edward in annoyance.

"Yes, I believe I hath," he responded proudly.

"What did the boss say about rhyming?"

"I cannot recall the exact words…"

John happily answered for him: "He said 'If you rhyme again, I'll rip your skull out of your helmet and drink Dr. Pepper out of it.' Ain't that right boss? Boss?"

He looked down at Steve, and noticed that his boss's gaze was focused elsewhere, at the giant hole in the wall. John followed his path of sight and nearly jumped in surprise, which would have ended badly considering he was up on the cannon's loading platform. Greens, Yellows, and no less then forty Blues were storming in through the hole.

Steve was off like a gazelle, running faster than anyone had ever seen him do before. "Retreat!" he shouted. "We can deal with them once we lure them inside the base!"

Candice and John exchanged a glance, and followed, but Edward remained, fraught with indecision over what to do and torn between his pride and his instincts for survival. "Oh, glorious battle! And yet, the enemy outnumbers us so. Suicide or survival? To run like hell or not to run like hell, that is the ultimate-" He stopped as a shotgun came into view, the barrel aimed at his helmet. The weapon was close enough to his eyes that he could easily see that the barrel was blackened from firing. He heard the sound of its owner's finger pulling down on the trigger, and then he knew no more.

"Shakespeare," Patton grumbled as he stood over Edward's body and loaded another set of shells into his shotgun's barrel. "God, I hate Shakespeare!"

"So you have mentioned before." Nome commented, jogging up to join Patton. He came to a stop, but was forced to the side by a sudden crush of Blue's stampeding towards the body. For a moment, both soldier's were confused by their sudden hurry. Then they noticed that most of the Blues were holding small packets of herbal drink. The ones closest to Edward's body started to tapping his armor with the packets, like the body was a cup of hot water.

"Oh damn...they're tea-bagging him!" Patton exclaimed, laughing.

"A most interesting example of it, if I do say myself." Nome replied.

The two soldiers shook their heads, signaled to the Blues, and continued their charge into Red Base.


	37. THE MAZE

The armada consisting of the Yellows, Greens, and a swarm of Blues, approached the entrance into Red Base itself, weapons at the ready. A ramp extended up into a tunnel that looked like a gaping mouth waiting to swallow all of them. The tunnel seemed to extend directly into the rock face of the landmass behind it.

Brian shivered. "Ooooh, do we really _have_ to go in there?" he wondered.

"Shut up, Blue!" Patton shouted at him. Clair tapped him on the shoulder and quickly reminded him that Brian was on their team now. "Oh, whoops. I mean, shut up, private! This is where the Reds went, and there clearly isn't another way of getting into the interior of their base. So yeah, we're going in through there. Any _other_ stupid questions?"

Brian looked dejectedly down at the ground.

"Thought so." Patton concluded.

The Greens and Yellows slowly started to enter the tunnel, looking around for any nasty surprises. Patton suggested that the Blues should stay outside, mentioning that cannon fodder would probably only get in the way at this point. That, and despite its presentation, the tunnel entrance itself was quite small, and everyone had to go in single file, meaning the mass of Blues would simply clog up their movement speed. As he was about to follow Kenny into the tunnel, Skope looked behind him to find Nome standing unmoving at the base of the ramp, gazing at the tunnel itself. "Nome, buddy, ya coming?"

"I just…have that feeling again," Nome responded thoughtfully. "As though we will not be returning." He shook his head. "Perhaps the excitement of recent events is getting to me. I am probably making something significant out of nothing." He did his best to mentally shake off the negativity he was experiencing and followed Skope into the tunnel.

The Greens and Yellows emerged into a small, bare cube shaped-room with dim lighting, no furniture and three doorways leading off in the other three directions. After a moment of consideration, they took the path straight ahead of them, which led them into a second room, this one looking exactly like the first. Cautiously, they went through another doorway, and came into _another_ room looking exactly like the one they had just come from…and the first one they had been in. Patton let out an annoyed huff and without warning began sprinting down the corridors of rooms, using his command override codes to temporarily shut down the inhibiters in his armor so he could get the best speed from his run. He jogged for about a minute before running straight into Nome. They both fell over with a loud _crash_. Their respective weapons spun away from them into the room's corners.

"Medic, what's your problem?" Patton bellowed. He picked himself up and noticed that the entirety of Green and Yellow teams was also in the room he had entered.

"What the hell…" he wondered.

"My problem? What is yours?" Nome countered, rising as well and dusting himself off.

"Yeah, dude!" Kenny interjected. "You went jogging off that way and few seconds later you came back in here from the opposite direction!" He pointed at the door they had all entered from.

"I did a circle?" Patton said confusedly. He turned to look where Kenny was pointing. "That's not possible. I was running in a straight line!" He looked to his own teammates for confirmation, and the looks in their visors told him that he had, in fact, gone in a circle despite everything.

Patton shook his head violently. "Hey, Clair. Medcheck. See if I've taken any nasty blows to the head recently that I don't remember."

"Sir." Clair replied, then ran her right over her Commander's armor. The sensors in it did a thorough scan of Patton and relayed the readings to Clair's HUD.

"Nothing that I can see, sir. You're in good shape. And I got a reading of your armor's motion tracker; you did actually run in a circle."

"Mmmmm, so we were right." Nome postulated as he went to retrieve his pistol. "I suspect some kind of optical illusion. Finding the Reds may be a more complicated matter then we thought."

"So, now what then?" Jess asked. Thinking they might be there for a while, she pulled out her media player, but Skope jabbed her arm and she put it back away.

"Each room is cubical," Nome elaborated, indicating the one they were currently in. "Thus, each room has three paths to take, not including the direction we entered from. And of course we must take into account whatever trickery the Reds are implementing here…"

"So we're in a maze," Patton summarized. "And we won't even know what direction we're going in because of that illusion thing that made me go in a circle…even though I could _swear_ I was going straight!" He reached down and picked Lucy up from the floor, then fired a single shot into the ceiling in anger. "Mother fucking Reds!" he howled.

"How the hell are we gonna find the Reds now?" Ryan asked.

Nome thought for a moment. "Perhaps we should split up. Each team shall go a different direction, and radio the other if or when they locate the Reds."

"Sounds like a sound plan to me," Clair agreed, answering for Patton, who was still venting some anger. "Well, we know where the north path leads. We'll take west, you take east."

Nome nodded. The two teams split up (after Clair informed Patton, and he concurred), each going in their respective direction. The Greens headed east relative to the room they had left from. Nome seemed to have some idea of where to go, as he commonly veered off to take different directions in a seemingly random pattern. Eventually his path seemed to become so elaborate that Skope asked him: "Dude, why are you leading us like this?"

"Ah, it is simple," Nome responded. "This type of optical illusion works by having each apparently straight path have a subtle curve to it, one unnoticeable to the human eye, thus leading the traveler in a different direction then he thinks he is going. I am compensating for this by going along a corner path at every interval that is one over the cosine of the angle of the path's curve. Simple, as I said before!"

"Um, yeah, simple…" Skope muttered half heartedly.

After some time, they finally came to a doorway that looked into some kind of round computer room with veiwscreens and terminals around the circumference. And staring at one of them were the Reds John and Candice! Steve stood behind them, arms crossed looking over their shoulders.

"There they are!" Kenny shouted as he pulled out his flamethrower.

"Mercy's wrinkly left testicle! How the fuck did they get in here?" John shouted, spinning around to look at the Greens.

Steve slapped him on the back of the head. "You said you randomized the maze so much that no one would solve it!" he snapped.

"I curved it!" John shot back. "I didn't think any of them would be smart enough to fool the illusion! I'll randomize it next time. This won't happen again."

"No, it won't," Steve growled. "Remind me to do something nasty to you later."

"There will not be a 'later' for you, villain!" Nome shouted, aiming his pistol. "Comrades, charge!" He lunged towards John, weapon ready. The Red pulled out something that looked like a small rod, and made to flick it with his wrist, but Nome kicked it out of his hands before he could do whatever it was intended to with it. The object went skittering into a wall, bounced off, and came to rest near the rest of the Greens.

"Hold them back, you fools!" Steve shouted at them as he headed for a door at the back of the room. "I still need to get the data chip for the beacon!" With that, he ran from the room.

John sprinted away from Nome. "You really want to stay here?" he asked Candice, who was following.

"Sure, I'd love to stay and get shot at by an entire team of Greens!" came her response.

John hit something on his tacpad and the square meter he and Candice were standing on suddenly began to lift off of the ground on a beam of energy, similar to the grav lift that had pinned Kenny to the ceiling back at Avalanche Team's second base. Before any of the Greens could do anything, the Reds had disappeared into the ceiling. The beam shut off with a click.

Nome watched helplessly as they left. "Damn, they escaped," he muttered to himself.

Kenny walked over and picked up the device that John had dropped from his hand. He found a button on it and held it down. Instantly, with a loud crackling hiss, a pair of curved blades made out of energy appeared from the other side of the device, greatly surprising the private. "Whooooooa!" he exclaimed.

"Ah, you just found the energy sword they stole from Avalanche Base," Nome commented. "I think I might be taking that, especially regarding your performance at the weapons facility." The medic reached for it. Kenny was very reluctant, but a short moment later he relinquished the weapon. Nome turned it off, secured it to his utility belt and then turned to face the door that Steve had left out of.

"Shouldn't we be going after John and Candice?" Skope asked.

Nome shook his head. "Steve is the leader of this rag tag band, the head of the proverbial snake. We remove him, and what remains will crumble. If we truly intend to see this through to the end, then it is him we must pursue."

The other three teammates readied themselves, making sure all of their weapons were loaded. Jess attempted to contact the Yellows to let them know where they were and what had happened. She tapped buttons on her tacpad several times, but then exclaimed: "Uh, I can't get a signal. The walls of the maze must be blocking the transmission somehow." She looked up at Nome. "What do you think will happen to Patton and the Yellows? They're probably still lost in the maze!"

Nome laughed. "Do not fear, my dear communications expert. The maze cannot be so large that someone could be lost within it for any significant amount of time, being limited to the cliff landmass as it is. Furthermore, the Yellow commander is both resourceful and powerful. I am sure that he will be more then capable of taking care of himself and his team."

"And if they do somehow get stuck, that Ryan guy will probably just blow their way through," Kenny noted. Jess nodded in agreement.

Skope approached the door Steve had left through. "Well guys, let's not wait any longer. It's time to finish this." He looked back at the rest of his team, and they all nodded in unison. They stepped back, and Skope kicked in the door. Together, they entered the door. What they saw on the other side made them gasp.


	38. THE HEAD OF THE SNAKE

Patton led the way as he and his team stormed their way through the maze. They had been traveling for some minutes now, and yet an exit still was not in sight, much to their annoyance. They were alone now; Brian had broken off from the group at some point, and they hadn't seen him since. One minute he had been following them, and then Clair called everyone's attention to the fact that he had disappeared. "He must've wondered off," she commented.

"Yeah, well, it was only a Blue," Patton mumbled.

Ryan was beginning to huff, tiring slightly because he had been moving continuously for some time while lugging his rocket launcher and the two grenade launchers (his standard one and the plasma launcher he had acquired at Yellow Command). Without warning, a part of the ceiling in the room in front of them slid open, and out of it hopped two Red soldiers; John and Candice.

The Yellows immediately reacted, drawing their weapons and making note of places for cover should they have to use them. The Reds, however, took a couple of seconds to notice their adversaries. The instant John put sight on Patton, he shouted out: "Master Chief, why? We only just barely escaped the Greens, and now this? C'mon!" He shook his fist at the ceiling, which must have been his best improvisation for open sky due to the fact that they were inside the maze.

"Now you're praying to the Master Chief?" Candice shouted back at John. "Oh, sure you're not completely obsessed with Halo! Sure you are! I see no proof at all that you are!"

Patton pointed his shotgun at both of them. "You there, Reds! Stand down, now! Both of you! Don't you dare try to run from us!"

The Reds responded by quickly glancing at each other and diving into cover. Surprisingly fast, too, because Patton fired off a shot, but its blast radius just barely missed John, the buckshot gouging a multiple small holes in the maze wall behind them. As soon as they had found good places to shoot from, they began firing at the Yellows with their assault rifles, who instinctively dove into their own places of cover in the northern corners of the room they were in.

"They _never_ listen," Patton muttered to himself as he loaded a shell into Lucy's barrel and ejected the empty one. "Well then, they'll just have to learn the same lesson as those bastards I fought on Green Day!"

* * *

The Greens stared at the sight before them. The room they were in was massive, easily dwarfing a large warehouse. The sheer size of the room gave the smallest noise an echo. The room had no visible floor, but platforms which seemed to be somehow floating on nothing were scattered at various heights around the room. A particularly large platform dominated the massive chamber's center. However, none of this was what they stared shocked at. The true object of their attention was the fact that several large sharp edged spikes were sticking out of the surfaces of the room, some long enough to almost touch the ceiling and several meters wide at their base. These spikes coursed with blue energy, and occasionally a brilliant arch of lightning would surge from one to another.

"Now, that's a pretty damn strange way of decorating!" Skope exclaimed, looking around in amazement.

Nome seemed quite concerned about the sight. "There is only one possible reason that this room looks like this," he postulated in an almost frighteningly serious tone. "This is far more terrible then I ever could have imagined!"

"What're you talking about?" Kenny asked. "So it has some strange wallpaper and the floor is, well…" He looked down at the seemingly endless pit below them. "Absent, but how is that terrible?"

"Because it tells us what the Reds have been up to all along!" Nome shot back, far more loudly then he intended. "This machine before us is a space-time manipulation device, more specifically a wormhole creator! They are trying to open a portal to another dimension!" He put his hand up to his chin in thought. "But why? There are so many risks involved. Both worlds could become unstable, and the resonance of any collapse could spread to others. Unless…that is what they want to happen."

"Another dimension?" Skope laughed. "Nome, even for you that's a little far out there. I mean, come on."

"Oh, but he is correct," said a voice over a loudspeaker from somewhere in the room. It was Steve's voice, and his words ricocheted around the room with unsettling creepiness. "Green, you are far too smart. You know too much now, and I have to get rid of you ahead of my original schedule. A pity, really. I had much better plans for your disposal. Your intellect would have proved a valuable tool. Oh well."

The loudspeaker shut off.

"Now _that_ was creepy," Jess stated while letting out a subtle shiver. She pulled back the slide on her magnum to make sure there was a round in the chamber, which there was.

The Greens swiveled their heads around the room, searching for the source of the voice. "Villain, show yourself!" Nome shouted.

As if in response, the center platform lowered slightly, coming to rest at an elevation that made it accessible to the Greens. At Nome's cue, they aimed their weapons at the center platform and began cautiously making their way towards it. There was no complete path to the center, and so instead they had to jump from platform to platform. It was precarious going. Nome had finesse that allowed him to land his jumps with ease, but the others were not quite as lucky. Skope and Kenny nearly slid off of a few platforms when landing their jumps, and at one point Jess slipped and almost fell, but Skope grabbed her arm at the last second, saving her life. After a few tense minutes, the four of them finally made it to the center of the room. They climbed onto the giant platform not quite knowing what to expect. As soon as all of them were on it, the platform they had come from, as well as all other platforms near the center, floated away into the abyss below them, effectively trapping them on the central platform.

"Well, now what?" Kenny asked, looking around. He tapped the side of his flamethrower, making sure there was fuel in it.

"Now…" answered the voice of Steve, "You will DIE!"

Nome heard the sound of running coming towards him from the other side of the platform. At first he could see nothing, but then he began to notice a subtle, human shaped ripple in the air. Realizing that Steve was assaulting them under the cover of cloaking technology, possibly the same type he and the other Reds had used against Avalanche Team, he activated his recently-acquired energy sword, and as the ripple reached him he struck out with it. The blow connected with another energy sword, and the force of their collision, mixed with the burst of electromagnetic energy from the two energy blades colliding, temporarily disabled Steve's cloaking shield, making him perfectly visible to the other Greens as well.

"Nome, look out!" shouted Jess shouted as soon as she saw Steve.

Nome struck out with his sword a second time, and again Steve met with his. Bolts of energy spread from where the swords connected, casing jittering shadows behind both combatants. But then Steve changed tactics, switching to offensive. He stuck out surprisingly fast, lashing out at Nome in chaotic, barely predictable blows that caught him off guard. Yet still he persisted, somehow managing to either block or avoid altogether every blow that Steve threw at him. Skope tried to shoot Steve with his DMR, but the Red moved too fast for him to aim, and when he slowed he made sure Nome was in Skope's line of fire. The battle continued for several more moments, the fight escalating into a blur of swords. Both soldiers moved so fast that Kenny, Skope, and Jess eventually couldn't keep track of what was going on, or understand how Nome could either. Jess actually had to look away for a moment, her head spinning from her attempts to track the two soldiers. But despite Steve's agility, Nome managed to gain control of the situation, finally gaining the chance he had been waiting for. He distracted Steve with his left arm, which held his sword, and with his right he grabbed Steve's wrist, immediately twisting it so that he was forced to release the sword. He intended to apprehend Steve, but the Red lashed out with his right foot, catching Nome in the stomach. Both soldiers went down. Steve's sword deactivated as it left his hand and the handle went rolling off the edge of the platform into the darkness below.

Steve cursed loudly, then shouted at the Greens: "I'm not done yet!" He hit a button on his tacpad, and a large gold colored weapon emerged from the floor, which Steve quickly rolled to and grabbed.

"It is a fuel rod gun!" Nome shouted in alarm, recognizing the distinctive shape.

Steve pulled its trigger, and a large greenish glob of violently green radioactive material shot out from it that sped toward the Greens. They tried to dive out of the way, but being stuck on a platform as they were there was no place they could evade to. The blast impacted in front of them and exploded with glowing green fury. The force of it impacting their shields shoved them backwards, sending them to the very edge of the platform. One more hit anywhere near them, and they would be blown to bits. Or, more likely, they would go sailing off into the abyss below them.

"You and the Yellows have been quite a nuisance," Steve said to them, striding closer to finish them off. "Being rid of you will be a wonderful pleasure." He aimed and fired for the last time.

As the blast hurtled toward them, Nome picked himself up from the ground, took a deep breath, and threw his sword at the blast as though it were a frisbee. The sword impacted the blast, and, as Nome had hoped, it absorbed the green plasma of the fuel rod blast, effectively reversing its momentum, and the sword continued its arc towards Steve, now infused with the energy of the fuel rod's plasma. Caught completely by surprise, Steve looked up to see Nome's energy sword, now charged with green light, heading straight at him and began to dive out of the way. He was not fast enough, however, and the flaming projectile impaled his armor, the heat from the plasma setting him ablaze. He frantically rolled on the ground (a task made difficult because of the energy sword stuck deep in his armor, as well as the limited space of the platform he was on) and just barely managed to put it out before it could burn through his shields and into the armor and flesh below.

Panting heavily, he picked himself up from the ground. "I can't…take anymore," he exhaustedly wheezed. "Enough games. Now we end this. It's time for my failsafe." He hit another button on his tacpad, and a platform came up to the edge of the platform he was standing. He hopped onto it, and it receded from the central platform before the Greens could reach it. This didn't stop them from opening fire with their weapons, but even that didn't do much; he was too far away by then to be reliably hit. "Bye bye, motherfuckers!" he shouted at the Greens, and then he was out of earshot.

Skope walked over to Nome. "Dude, I don't know what that was, but it was awesome!"

"It was not enough," Nome panted, shoulders slumping in exhaustion. "He still got away."

"But we did still show him who's boss, and in the end that's what matters, right?" Kenny piped up. "Right, Nome?"

Nome did not respond, instead shifting his gaze to something that had appeared in the center of the platform. "Ultimately, it may be us who are bossed."

A rather large bomb had sprung up from a secret compartment under the platform, and its timer was counting down from 120 seconds.

"Oh, right, he did say something about a failsafe, didn't he?" Skope asked rhetorically.

"There's no way off the platform!" Jess exclaimed. "Fuck, what're we gonna do?"

"What about destroying the timer with grenades?" Kenny suggested.

Nome took a deep breath. "There are two major flaws in that plan. Firstly, setting off a grenade will detonate the bomb prematurely. And secondly, setting off a grenade will detonate the bomb prematurely. I realize that technically speaking that is one flaw. However, I personally felt it to be such a large one that it was worth mentioning twice."

"We really _are_ all gonna die!" Jess cried out.

"I am afraid so, yes." Nome responded. "103 seconds, by the way."

Skope let out an exasperated sigh. "What're we going to do with the last seconds of our lives?

Kenny stated: "Well, considering that were down to the last-" He checked the timer. "98 seconds, I think we should probably take of all our armor and have sex with each other, or something like that. Go out in style."

Skope slapped him on the back of his helmet. "Dude, that's disgusting! The hell is wrong with you?"

"Not to mention that it takes five minutes to remove Green powered combat armor." Nome added.

"And that I would _never_ screw you… _ever!"_ Jess harshly put in.

Kenny stared shocked back at her. "What? I was just trying to be helpful! You don't like any of my ideas, fine!"

"Wait, I have a plan!" Nome shouted all of a sudden.

"But what about my idea?" Kenny asked.

"Shut up and let Nome talk!" Jess shouted back at him.

"What's your idea, Nome?" Skope asked.

"I believe that we should attempt a mind meld and then use telekinesis to move one of those floating platforms over here so that we can escape."

"Will that work?" Skope asked inquisitively.

"It did in Star Trek, and right now we really do not have any other options, so I suppose that it is worth an attempt," Nome replied.

"Ooh, I like Star Trek, especially that bald guy from The Next Generation," Kenny exclaimed. "Wait, what're we doing again?"

"Just close your eyes," Nome responded. "It will very slightly help shield your eyes from the radiation of the explosion."

Skope was about to do the same, but instead he decided to challenge Nome's previous comment. "Hang on, man. Did you just spend some of the precious last seconds of our lives talking Star Trek gibberish?"

"I was only offering a possible, though admittedly very improbable, way of escaping."

"Shut up!" Skope shouted angrily. "You know, Nome, you have been nothing but a complete and total geekish idiot from the moment I met you- and one with a _ridiculous_ last name at that! How did you get that name anyways? Did you take it from a recording of a professional track star cleaning his nose or something?"

Nome seemed completely surprised by Skope's comment. " _Excuse_ me?"

"That's right, you heard me!" Skope continued. "Your last name sounds like one gigantic _sneeze!"_

Jess pulled on Skope's arm. "Skope, that's enough! Insulting people won't get us out of this!"

Skope shook his head. "No, ever since _he_ came here is when all of this started happening! How the hell did he become team leader any way? _I_ was the next highest rank in our group after the Commander. _I_ should have gotten command of this group. And yet, he, a _Medic_ , somehow ended up leading us into this!"

Nome took in a deep, angry breath. "For your information, Mister Skope, I was the one who healed your abdomen! And 'this,' as I understand it, all started when you were non-intelligent enough to get sniped in your anus! And about my last name: it was the most prized and distinguished name in all of the German naming system!"

"Oh, so it's German! Shoulda known," Kenny mumbled to himself.

"Achen-something- _london-tokyo-paris_!" Skope shouted at Nome. "Is that what naming has come to?"

"Getting sniped in the anus from all of the way across a sector? Is that what military competence has come to?" Nome countered.

"Oh, I'm sure you'd know all about "competence" wouldn't you!"

"Guys!" Kenny shouted.

"What?" They both shouted back in unison. They saw that Kenny had huddled into a ball and was clutching his head in his hands.

"That mind meld thing you told me about? Well, I'm trying it, and its working." He pointed to one of the platforms, and sure enough, it was coming towards them!

"Despite all probability…" Nome exclaimed.

"You're actually using telekinesis?" Jess wondered.

"Or maybe something less supernatural," Skope observed. He pointed to the bottom of Kenny's right foot, which was depressed into the platform several centimeters.

"A hidden switch," Nome commented. "It must have been installed for in case someone without a Red Team tactical pad became trapped upon the platform as we are."

The platform reached their location, and they all gratefully hopped onto it. Skope looked back at the bomb. "Um, guys, we might want to hurry. We've got seven seconds."

Kenny fumbled around on the platform frantically. "That switch got it here, so how do we get it to move?"

Nome answered by hitting the switch again, which started the platform floating gently towards the entrance.

"We aren't gonna make it in time!" Jess exclaimed. "This damn thing is too slow!" They were about halfway across the room by now, but the bomb was at its last second.

Without further hesitation, it exploded. The force of the explosion ripped the central platform apart and sent all of the other platforms in the room shooting away from it. The instant the shockwave reached the Greens, they felt their own platform begin to tip.

"Shit, we're going over!" Skope shouted.

"So long, fools!" they heard Steve's echo shout as they all slid off of the platform and fell into the dark abyss below them.


	39. VINCENT

Bullets passed to and fro between the Reds John and Candice, and the Yellows in a fashion that reminded Ryan of the shooting scene in the prison block control room hallway on the Death Star in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. Neither side had really hit the other yet, but _damn_ there was a lot of stuff flying through the air right now! Amber was firing at them with her DMR. Shotguns had limited range, and so Patton had resorted to a magnum. Clair was spraying the Red's surroundings with bullets from her assault rifle in an attempt to remove them from cover, which wasn't working too well. And Ryan was lobbing plasma grenades at them with the launcher he had taken with him from Yellow Command.

All of a sudden, the ground rumbled like thunder and vibrated as though an earthquake was going on. Spent ammo casings rolled across the floor in a wave-like motion. In the other room, John was standing up to fire at the Yellows with his DMR, having switched to it when his assault rifle ran dry, but the shaking caused him to fall over and lose his grip on his weapon. It was a good thing for him, too, because Amber had gotten a clean view on his head with her own DMR, and when he fell over she missed instead of delivering a killing blow. A moment or so later the shaking and rumbling subsided, and Ryan was able to climb up off the ground into a sitting position.

"Damn! Now _that's_ an explosion!" he shouted, excited despite the situation.

"I'll say!" Amber replied from her corner of the room.

"But where did it come from?" Clair asked.

"I don't know," said Patton in wonder. "But from the shaking that it caused this place…" He sniffed and then continued: "It must have been beautiful!"

"Yeah…" Ryan replied wistfully. "Sucks that we missed it."

Meanwhile in the other room, John and Candice took advantage of the distraction and evacuated to the east side of the room.

"They're talking to each other right now, and don't seem to be paying that much attention to us," said John. "Now might be a good time to escape."

"You _think_ running instead of staying here and getting our butts handed to us by the Yellow Commander is a good idea!" came the sarcasmomaniac's retort. "I mean…I agree with you. Let's get the fuck out of here. Like, right now."

Back in the Yellow's room, Clair turned from her teammates and noticed that the Reds were making a run for it. "Um, boss?" she called over.

"Yeah? What's the situation?" Patton responded.

"I think the Reds are retreating."

Patton looked over into the other room and confirmed that, indeed, the Reds were no longer there. "Shit, we'd better go after them!" he quickly replied. "On your feet, we're Oscar Mike!"

"That's right, run you cowards!" Ryan shouted after the Reds (or rather, the door he thought they had left through).

"Now, we need to catch up to them," Patton ordered. "Let's get moving."

"Oh, right. I knew that," Ryan responded.

The Yellows sprung up from the ground and began to pursue the Reds. Everyone was about to take the west door, but then Clair mentioned that she'd seen them take the east, so they went in that direction instead. This meant that Clair was now in the lead, something she was fine with. She didn't have any idea where the Reds would have gone after they had left through the east doorway, but she still pressed on in the same direction (or what she hoped was the same direction, considering the illusion). After a few moments, she looked behind her and realized that that Amber was now the only one following her.

"Oh, shit!" she exclaimed. "We've lost Ryan and Patton!"

"Dammit!" Amber agreed, after looking back herself. She called for them several times, but to no response. "Well, now what?"

Clair paused for a moment, thinking.

"Does your sniper still have that laser sight on it?" she asked. Amber glanced down, checking the scope of her sniper rifle. Sure enough, there was a laser sight on it.

"Yeah, it's there. What do you want it for?"

"Can you aim it at the hallway ahead of us?"

Amber blinked, confused, but followed Clair's order and pointed the rifle (and the scope) at the wall.

"Huh, that's weird…" She noted. "The target distance reading keeps going up when I move it. But the tunnel looks straight."

"I thought so." Clair said smugly. "The laser sight can read the distance to something. The difference your seeing is the subtle curve in the wall."

"So if I use this, I can find out if we're going in a circle." Amber finished. Clair nodded.

"I would think so."

"Nice." Amber smiled under her helmet. "You know. Patton ought to put you up for promotion."

"He has…multiple times. I just turn him down. I'm happy where I am." Clair replied simply.

"You and me both." Amber reached down and removed the sight from her rifle, slinging the gun on her back and attaching the sight to the side of her helmet. "Alright, I can see if the path curves now. Let's go find the boys!"

"Hell yes." Clair agreed.

The two quickly set of deeper into the maze.

* * *

Patton swiveled his head, looking for Clair and Amber. Not looking, Ryan ran straight into his CO. They both fell over with a clatter of armor.

"Dammit, that's the second time that's happened to me in this goddamn maze!" Patton shouted. "I really fucking hate this place!"

"Why'd you stop, boss? Ryan asked, pushing himself up off the floor.

"Because we've been separated from Stone and Sinclair," he replied. Ryan looked around.

"Oh, you're right." He said. "That's not good."

Patton attempted to reach them with his COM system, but gave up after mashing the same button several times on his tacpad. "It's this damn maze! The walls are blocking the signal! This suck-"

"Boss!"

"Don't interrupt me, private!"

"No, listen!"

Patton listened. Faintly, echoing through the chambers of the maze, he could hear the voice of Steve, who appeared to be gloating to himself.

"Excellent. Now that those green clad fools are out of the way, nothing shall stop us!" He laughed evilly to himself. "Hm, this isn't as fun if no one's listening. Where the hell are John and Candice?"

As if in response, the sounds of the other two remaining Reds screaming became audible from near the direction Steve's voice was coming from. The sound of the three of them colliding with each other and hitting the floor helped cue the Yellows as to their exact location, and it was made even easier by Patton's special-operations audio sensors. They silently crept closer.

"You ran into me again!" Steve shouted, obviously angry. "That's the third time this week. I _hate_ this fucking maze. We need a less weird defense system."

"Well I suggested the microwave laser generator-" John responded.

"No! We tried that, but you used it for making toast and popcorn instead. It's too expensive and too freaking pointless. We need something else."

"Uh, could we talk about his later? The Yellows are chasing us! We have to go!" Candice shouted. "Sure, I'd love to sit here and talk about how we wasted your whole yearly allowance on the stupid laser, but this really isn't the time!" The Yellows could hear the sounds of John and Candice running again.

"Wait, come back!" Steve shouted after them. "I need you to listen to my new evil laugh. It really is better this time. I've been practicing!"

Patton and Ryan decided that they'd heard enough and ran around the corner and into the room where Steve was standing, battle crying at the tops of their lungs. Steve jumped back in surprise and then started running as well, but through a different door then John and Candice had taken. "You don't know when to quit, do you!" he shouted back at them.

"What the hell does "quit" mean?" Patton shouted back, laughing. "And so the hunt intensifies," he said under his breath. "Hobar, go after the chick and the Halo freak." He glanced at the other door and cracked his neck. "Their leader is mine."

"Wilco. Good luck, boss."

"You too, Hobar."

The two of them nodded at each other, then ran off to chase after their respective targets.

* * *

Clair and Amber had been walking for some minutes trying to find their other two teammates, though they had been going for so long that at this point it seemed doubtful they would reunite. All of a sudden, Amber pointed. "Look, I see light!"

They rushed forward, and emerged back outside, into the wall rimmed courtyard that housed the giant cannon. Clair looked around.

"No sign of Ryan or the boss, though. Oh, well. They'll be out here eventually. We should probably just wait for them at this point."

According to her HUD it was five in the afternoon. The sun would be setting soon, and already the sky was beginning to redden. The giant cannon sat in the center of the yard with fusion coils strewn all around it, and near one of the wall sections she could see the remaining Blues, of which there were many, crowded around something on the ground. She and Amber wandered over. The Blues looked up at them, and they could see that what the Blues were surrounding was a ramp composed of pieces of the tunnel that had been blasted everywhere when the tunnel had exploded. One of the Blues approached, and Clair was shocked to notice it was Brian. "So, this is what you've been doing all this time?" She asked.

Brian nodded eagerly. "Yeah, basically. After I got separated from you guys, I wandered around, got dizzy in the maze thing for a bit, then found this really creepy room with no floor and giant blue energy spikes, got the geebees from it, then went back in the maze, got dizzy some more, and then somehow ended up out here. The rest of the guys weren't doing anything, so we thought we'd put all of our creative thoughts together to create the _awesomeist_ thing ever made, and after, like, a _lot_ of thinking we decided to build a ramp! 'Cause that's never been done before on all of history…I think."

The two Yellows exchanged a look, shook their heads, and went over to further investigate the giant cannon. "This might be really useful, if we can figure out how it works," Amber postulated. "Patton would sure as hell appreciate us taking it."

After looking the cannon over, Clair responded: "Well, we should probably start by moving all of these fusion coils right next to the cannon. The loading system looks automated. It should turn the whole thing on when is senses the coils. That laptop-" She pointed at the laptop near the cannon's base. "-Should control the targeting systems."

"I'll stay here and put all of these coils into one big pile," Amber volunteered.

"Sounds like a plan," said Clair. "I'll police the perimeter and round up anything I come across. You just take care of everything near the cannon."

"Have fun!" Amber called after her.

"You're kidding, right?" she called back. Amber was too busy gathering fusion coils to respond, so Clair just left through the giant hole in the wall and began looking for any coils that might still be left outside.

Amber had started a small pile of coils, and turned to an area to her left to gather more. As the reached down to grab one, it shouted at her: "What the fuck're you lookin' at, punk?"

Amber jumped back, surprised. "What? Did that fusion coil just…" She paused, and looked down at the coil. "No, it didn't just talk. I'm just hallucinating or something from lack of rest-"

"Hey, I'm talkin' to you, person! Are you deaf?" the coil shouted again.

Amber inquisitively inched closer to the talking fusion coil. "Whoa, it did just talk!" She shook her head, then knelt down next to the coil. "Can you…hear me?"

"Duuuuuh!" the coil shouted at her again. And then, it stared mimicking her voice. "Oh my…gaaaaawd, can it hear me? Oooooooh!" It said in a loud high pitched tone.

Amber continued to stare at the fusion coil, slightly taken aback. "You can talk? I'm really hearing this?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you? OF COURSE I can hear you! Idiot! Have I not _just_ been talking to you?"

"Can all fusion coils talk?" Amber asked blankly.

"Oh, yes...we just don't normally talk to humans because your species…well…just sucks. Don't take it personally."

There was a long silence as they both looked at each other (At least, Amber _thought_ it was looking at her. It had no eyes as far as she could tell).

"But let's both stop ignoring the giant purple elephant in the room," the fusion coil said after a few moments to break the silence.

"Huh?"

"You and your friend are intending to blow up all of the fusion coils here using that cannon, to finish what the red colored dudes began. And I have come to stop you. You evil humans destroyed my home spawn pile, and I cannot let such genocide of my species happen again!"

"You're…a fusion coil."

"I…am… _Vincent_!" the coil shouted back at her. "I'm an individual, just like you! I, and my species, deserve to live!"

"You're a fusion coil," Amber repeated.

The fusion coil, Vincent, took a deep breath (Amber wasn't quite sure how, considering that he was a fusion coil, but somehow he managed to) and then said to her: "Human, you are slower than a snail sliding through a puddle of tar while dragging a sleigh with Santa and all eight reindeer on it. Let me spell it out for you: you are trying to kill my local community, and I am going to stop you."

"Oh, and exactly how are you going to do that?" Amber asked, not the least bit happy with being insulted, by a fusion coil, none the less.

"How about I just blow up, right here, right in front of you?"

"Uh, you would die," Amber responded.

"Welllllllllll, so would you…" Vincent paused, thinking his plan over. "Well, in theory."

Amber pointed her rifle at the strange talking coil that had now apparently threatened her life. "Or, how about I just shoot you?"

"And then I blow up and we both die and we both get sucky funerals," the coil responded quickly.

"Well, you would die. I'd probably survive. But I'd rather not chance it. So how about you just calm down and we talk this over, okay?"

"I told you already, you suck! I ain't talking nothing over with you! You stop this, or we both die!"

That was when Clair contacted Amber through her COM. "Amber, I've gotten all the fusion coils I can find outside the base. You don't happen to have a wheelbarrow, do you?"

Amber thought for a moment. Deciding that right now it was probably better to comply with Vincent, so that he didn't blow up or anything, she responded: "There's…a bit of a problem. We can't fire the cannon."

"What? Why not?" Clair asked.

Again, Amber had to think about what to say. "Ummm, how should I put this…"

"Just say it!" Clair said, slightly annoyed.

"A fusion coil named Vincent is doing a solo protest and is threatening to blow up on me if I proceed with firing the cannon."

"The fuck?" was Clair's response.

"Okay, let me backtrack. I met a talking fusion coil, who says his name is Vincent, and that all fusion coils are actually sentient and that by his perspective we humans have been committing continuous genocide against his species by blowing them up. He is especially angry that his spawn pile was blown up. He also is threatening to blow up in my face himself if I do anything to load the cannon-"

Clair was beginning to get angry. "That's it, I'm coming back over there. Amber, if you're just jerking around-"

"I'm not. Just get here!"

"Talking to your friends won't help you," the talking fusion coil notified Amber threateningly. "I'll still blow up if you even think of harming my fellow fusion coils. Oh, wait, who's that?"

"That was Clair. She's our technician and cook-"

"No, I mean that guy!"

Amber looked behind her to see a Red soldier running at full speed out of the base entrance. "Hey, you there! Stop!" she shouted at him while aiming with her DMR.

"Wait, I know that guy! It's Steve! I thought you guys killed him!" Vincent shouted.

Amber turned back to Vincent. "Wait, you know this guy?"

"Hell yeah! This dude is the leader of Red Team! He's probably trying to signal the rest of the Red Army! You should stop him!" Vincent paused again. "Actually, never mind. I don't really give a fuck what happens to anyone but other fusion coils, so I'll just shut up."

"Wait, did you just say 'the rest of the Red Army?"

Vincent laughed. "You didn't realize that something called the Red Army must be an army? You're even stupider than I thought!"

Amber looked and saw that the Red, Steve, was running in her direction. He reached the cannon and stopped before the laptop. He pulled out something that looked like a data chip and had the computer scan it. Immediately, it activated.

At that, Steve looked up at her. "Yes, there is nothing anyone can do now! They are coming! I activated our beacon just now, and they know that the time has come! And then you will all die when this cannon self destructs!" He let out the most over exaggerated attempt at an evil laugh that Amber had ever heard, and then quickly stopped. "Hmm, why do I get the feeling that fusion coil is staring at me?"

"Because I am, you jerk!" Vincent shouted at him. "Why can't a fusion coil ever get some self respect around here?"


	40. SHOWDOWN

Patton rushed through the base entrance in pursuit of Steve, again yelling at the top of his lungs in battle cry. Steve looked behind him to see the Yellow CO hurrying to catch up to him. "Ugh, you're annoying!" he shouted at Patton, then began running in the direction of the giant hole in the wall. But little did he see Candice and John, who had just popped up from a secret entrance directly in front of him, pursued by a plasma grenade from Ryan's launcher, and a second time the three of them crashed into one crimson colored pile. Seconds later, Ryan's head popped up above the surface of the ground as he, too, came up from the secret entrance the Candice and John had used.

As soon as he reached ground level, he looked around at his new surroundings. "Whoa, this place is weird," he mumbled. "There's secret passages all over this place!" He took a step forward, and not realizing the human pile of Reds right in front of him, he tripped and fell on top of the three of them.

"I told you we should've gone with the laser!" John shouted from the bottom of the pile.

"Well, there's still the one on my back!" Steve responded.

"But that's a chemical laser! Those aren't as fun!" John complained.

"Who cares! Now, shut up and get off me!"

Patton rushed over and pointed Lucy's barrel at the Reds before they could do anything. "Don't move! Well, except you, Hobar! But the rest of you, not a muscle!" He noticed that Steve was grasping at his back, trying to reach a rather large device, which must have been the laser weapon he had just mentioned. He kicked it away from the Red before Steve could reach it, and it landed next to Amber, who scrambled down and picked it up.

"Oh, hey boss! 'Sup?" Ryan greeted as he picked himself up off of the ground.

"Seems like we were led in the same place, more or less," Patton observed. He turned and noticed Amber, who standing next to the cannon and observing the weapon that had fallen next to her. "Stone, have you already started getting the cannon set up? Excellent!"

Amber shook her head and pointed at Steve. "That idiot just set it to self destruct!"

"And you _let_ him? Shit, Hobar, get over there and shut it down!"

"But sir, that's not my field. I'm a weapons specialist."

Patton crossed is arms. "And that doesn't include a giant _cannon?_ "

Ryan knew better then to argue at this point. Besides, the person who was qualified to do it, Clair, was outside gathering fusion coils, still oblivious to what was going on. "On it!" he shouted, and then saluted before running towards the laptop and getting to work.

The Yellow commander sighed. "Well, now that that's out of the way, I guess I'll just have to handle taking these Red bastards out myself! Prepare to suck buckshot, looser!" He turned to face Red Team again, but realized that they were no longer there. "Oh, hell!" he shouted.

Ryan looked up from the laptop, noticed where the Reds had gone to, and pointed to the hole in the wall. "Boss! They're trying to escape. Oh shit, we left the 'Hog parked out there. We've gotta stop them!" He and Patton started legging to after the Reds. They could see them just up ahead. They had reached the hole and turned to their left upon sighting the Yellow's Warthog. A moment later he had reached the hole as well, but too late to apprehend the Reds. As soon as he and Patton stepped outside, they heard the revving of an engine, and they saw the Reds zooming away in their ride.

Patton threw his hands up in the air. "Dammit!"

All of a sudden, they heard Clair shout out "You ain't getting away that easy, pricks!", and without warning a massive flood of fusion coils flowed into the Warthog's path. Knowing better then to drive straight into a river of explosives, Steve stopped the LRV in its tracks with the emergency brake and then turned it around to face Patton and Ryan.

"Good going, Sinclair!" Patton called over to his teammate, who he could see standing on the high rise where she had dumped the fusion coils from. Then he remembered what he had sent Ryan to do. He turned to the private. "Speaking of explosives, did you take care of the self-destruct?"

"Yes, sir! Wasn't too hard." He saluted back at him.

"Was it down to the wire?"

"No sir! Steve messed up the timer; he meant to do five minutes, but put an extra zero in there. Gave us almost an hour to take care of it."

"Nicely done!" Patton complimented. He turned, smiling under his helmet… then looked at the Warthog and noticed that it was accelerating straight at him! He and Ryan dived out of the way just in time, and the LRV sped past them, back into the courtyard. They raced after it as they watched it turn in the direction of the cannon in an attempt to run over Amber, but she dodged out of the way as soon as she saw it coming. Then the vehicle changed direction again, this time heading for the giant ramp that the Blues had built. _If they jump it fast enough, that incline could get them over the wall and the fusion coils,_ Patton realized. He and Ryan reached Amber.

"Shit, they're getting away!" Ryan exclaimed.

"No, they're not," Amber replied nonchalantly as she mounted Steve's laser on her shoulders and looked through the sight. "By the way, you guys might want to step back. This thing's got some backlash to it."

Steve pushed the accelerator down as far as it would go and aimed for the ramp that had somehow appeared in his courtyard while he had been gone, an appearance that probably had to do with the mass of Blue soldiers milling about. Behind him in the passenger and gunner's seats, John and Candice prepared to whoop as soon as they got airborne. They reached the ramp, sped up it, and started flying!

 _Yeah, this is awesome!_ Steve thought to himself as he pumped his fist in the air. Then he noticed something on the side of the Warthog: a laser dot. That was when he remembered what had happened to his laser, and combined with the fact that it was an anti-vehicle weapon, he came to the conclusion: _Oh, fuck!_

Without any further hesitation, he leapt out of his seat. It bothered him little that he was in midair at the time; the Warthog was going to explode, and if he was away from it then at least he still had some chance for survival. Sure enough, as he sped towards the ground, he heard the sound John calling out "Hey, where you going?", followed closely by the sound of the Warthog exploding above him. _So long, John and Candice,_ he thought. _Oh, well. You guys were really damn annoying anyways._ He hit the ground just inside the wall, his shields managing to absorb all of the impact. He looked up at the wall and pounded his fist upon it in frustration. _I was so close to escape! Damn!_

All four Yellows rushed to the spot where Steve had landed, but the crowd of Blues (including Brain, who was still visiting his many old friends) got to the Red first. All of them pointed many weapons. "Not so smug now are you, evil Blue-killing Red person!" one Blue shouted at him.

"We have you now!" Patton bellowed at him as soon as he got there. "Your friends are dead and you have nowhere to run. Just give up!"

"Ah, but I do have one final move to play!" the Red shouted back. He reached over to his back with his right hand and slowly pulled something large out, with squishy sounds emanating from him as he did so.

"What is he doing?" Amber asked in disgust. "It looks like he is pulling something out of his-"

"AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh, now you see," said Steve as he finished pulling the thing out of his backside. He was holding a rather large bomb, and its timer was counting down from 30 seconds.

"Why the hell do you keep a bomb in your ass?" Ryan asked, sounding far more curious then he indented to. "That's kind of dumb, isn't it?"

"Armor can only hold so much," Steve responded. "I also keep ammo in there-"

"Ugh, too much information!" Ryan shouted. He glanced back at the bomb, suddenly recognizing the design. "But wait, is that a thermal detonator?"

"No."

"Awwww! That would have been awesome!"

"But it still is powerful enough to blow up everything in a ten kilometer radius!"

"Awesome, that does make it a thermal detonator! Oh, no, wait, that's bad!"

Steve let out his over exaggerated evil laugh again. "As my endgame, I am going to destroy all of you! Ahahahahaha!"

"And yourself, retard!" Patton rudely notified him.

"Ten seconds!" The Red put the timer in Patton's face to make sure he got the message. "Seeeeeee? Ten seconds left to live! Ahahahahaha!"

In response, Patton boldly strode forward, reached up to the timer and squashed it with his gauntlet, crushing Steve's hand with it. The sharp _crack_ of breaking bone and metal echoed of the rock walls.

Steve stared at his now broken bomb in dismay, apparently ignoring the pain from his hand. "Nonononono, you did not just do that!" He said, shock making him sound slightly stupid.

"It looked to me like he kind of did, actually," one of the Blues offered helpfully.

"Hobar, secure the Red," Patton ordered. "By any means."

Ryan walked over to Steve and hit him hard over the helmet with his rocket launcher. The Red fell to the ground, out cold.

Amber felt something touch her leg and looked down to find Vincent "looking" up at her with one of his six sides. She looked up at the rest of her team. "Hey, guys!" They all turned to listen. She motioned to the fusion coil. "This is Vincent. He's a fusion coil."

"Ummmm?" Patton asked. He turned to Clair. "Hey, could we get another Medcheck here?" he asked. "I think Amber took a knock to the head."

"She's fine, sir. I'm not reading any damage to her head. But the fusion coil, no, that can't be right…I'm getting a biosign form the it. I'm sorry about this, my equipment must be malfunctioning, or _something._ "

"Okay…" Patton said, slightly confused, but willing to accept his Captain's word.

Amber continued: "See, when I was at the cannon, I tried to load him into it, but then he talked, and-"

The other Yellows continued to stare at her.

Amber continued: "He doesn't seem to like humans that much, but he does know a lot about other fusion coils, and I just thought, well…"

"Boss, the Red is talking!" Ryan interrupted.

"I thought you knocked him out!" said Patton.

"Guess I didn't do it hard enough," Ryan responded. "But he's trying to talk."

"Stone, we'll deal with this later," Patton said to her while giving a strange look at the fusion coil. Then he turned to face the Red.

"It is too late for you! They are coming. You are all going to die!" Steve spat at the Yellow Commander, from his place on the ground.

"How many?" Patton asked forcefully, jamming his shotgun under Steve's chin. "From where? Tell me!"

Steve laughed, but in amusement this time. "And spoil the surprise? Never!"

Patton took in a deep, annoyed breath and stepped back. "Clair, help the blues put him on the back of a Mongoose. And call in a dropship. We'll interrogate him at Yellow Command."

As Ryan picked Steve up, the Red continued to rant: "Your green friends are faaaar away. They will be able to do nothing to help you when you are overwhelmed."

"What did you do with them?" Patton shouted at him. "Where are they?"

* * *

Skope's vision was blurry, but slowly beginning to get better as he kept his eyes open. He cautiously got up and took a look at his new surroundings. "No, this can't be right. How did we end up here? Could this really be what it looks like? Where are we?"

CONTINUED IN STAGE 2


End file.
